


Inside Your Mind

by reylo_is_canon



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Canon Divergence, F/M, Hermione is in a constant state of confusion, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Post-War Hogwarts, dramione - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-17 05:20:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 25
Words: 48,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29961537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reylo_is_canon/pseuds/reylo_is_canon
Summary: The Battle of Hogwarts is over.Voldemort is dead.But the war has just begun.*Dramione*(All rights to Harry Potter belong to a person who is not me)
Relationships: Ginny Weasley/Blaise Zabini, Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy
Comments: 10
Kudos: 24





	1. all i want

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> Firstly, thank you for taking the time to read this fanfic. All comments and kudos will be greatly appreciated, it always puts a smile on my face when I see someone enjoying what I've written. 
> 
> Secondly, this was originally posted on my Wattpad account but I wanted to edit it a bit and upload it here too. If you've already read it on Wattpad I hope that the edits haven't changed the overall story too much but there was some much needed polishing to be done in terms of spelling/grammar/plot holes/etc. 
> 
> Thirdly, each chapter is titled after a song that I think matches the tone of the chapter and should be listened to as you read (that is obviously not compulsory) but I'm a big believer in listening to music while reading and wanted to write a fan fiction that was perfectly suited to that. 
> 
> Finally, I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it! :)

_ All I Want - Kodaline _

**November 1st 1999**

It was a cold day.

Not unusually cold for the time of year. But it was a biting cold; the kind that could seep into your bones and make it impossible for you to shake off until you step into a warm shower or wrap yourself in the comforting heat of a hot bath.

She pulled her gloves on tighter, balling her hands into fists in an effort to hold in what little heat she could around her fingers, and wrapped her arms tightly around her waist. She stepped out of the front door of the dentist's office, locked it with her set of keys, and walked towards her car so that she could go home and have that hot bath in an effort to fight off the day's cold.

She didn't notice the man watching her from across the road as she opened the car door. She didn't notice the man walk towards her as she climbed into the driver's seat and turned the car engine on. She didn't notice the man until he was opening the passenger door and shoving himself into the passenger seat.

She let out a yelp as the passenger door opened, scrambling for her door handle with numb fingers, but it was no good.

“There's no use trying to open the door.” The man said in a low, and surprisingly calm, voice.

“Who the hell are you, and what are you doing in my car?” She growled, pressing her body against her door in an effort to put as much space between her and the stranger as she could. In her mind she could tell that she was frantic - for obvious reasons - but she willed herself to calm down and work through this logically. There had to be a way for her to escape unharmed, she just couldn’t see through the mental fog of panic to see it.

The man laughed. It wasn't a long laugh, more like a jovial grunt, but it was enough to make her blood boil in anger at his callousness.

“Who. Are. You?” She asked again through gritted teeth. She watched as he pulled something from his coat pocket and pointed it at her.

“All in good time.” He whispered, leaning across the seat to get closer to her.

The last thing she registered before the world went dark was the smell of peppermint.

***

The first thing she could hear were voices, swirling around in her mind, as the fog slowly cleared and she came to her senses.

“How could you not think of what the next part of the plan is?” The first voice asked.

Somewhere in her clouded mind she recognised the cold, sharp tone.

“I left that to you. You were the one who came up with this whole thing in the first place.” The second hissed back. She knew instantly that the task of escaping would be much harder now that there were two people involved.

“Alright.” The first voice said. “I have an idea but they aren't going to react well to it.”

“Tell me you're not considering waiting for her to wake up and just explaining everything to her, are you?” The second voice asked with a groan.

She could've sworn that she heard a chuckle from the owner of the first voice.

“It will be fine. They'll understand.” The first voice said. She could tell that the person had gotten closer to her, the smell of peppermint wafting towards her nostrils, as they spoke.

She considered her options; she could try to run away from her captors, she could scream until her lungs were ripped to shreds and pray that someone could hear her, or she could listen to what they had to say. Though she did not know who had taken her, or why, the snippet of conversation that she heard made her think that they had no violent or malicious intent. The thought was insane, she knew that, but there was an air of familiarity that she couldn't quite put her finger on.

And they said they had something to tell her - ‘them’, whoever they were - something to explain to her that could make her see the reason behind this. And she was nothing if not curious.

The first thing that she saw when she opened her eyes was a face.

A handsome face; chiselled jaw, piercing eyes, and perfect hair.

She knew this face.

***

**May 2nd 1998**

“Are you ready?” A quiet voice asked from the doorway.

There was no answer.

“Hermione?”

Still no answer.

“Mione!”

Hermione's head snapped up, the trance broken, and met the concerned eyes of Ginny Weasley.

“Sorry, Gin.” Hermione mumbled as she stood up from her seat by the window. “I just needed a minute.”

Ginny stepped closer, wrapping an arm around her friend’s shoulder, and turned them back towards the window. They watched as the injured were transferred to St Mungo's, as the dead were pulled from the rubble, and as the fires slowly burnt out.

The Battle of Hogwarts hadn't lasted long, mere hours of the late night and early morning, but the losses were astronomical. They could be felt throughout the entire castle and the two girls both needed this moment alone to grieve in peace.

Neither spoke a word as tears fell down their cheeks.

“We should get going.” Hermione finally whispered as she pulled Ginny in for hug.

“It's going to be okay.” Ginny said, though Hermione could hear her voice cracking as she spoke.

They pulled away from the hug and looked into each other's tear filled eyes.

“We'll find them.” Hermione whispered. Ginny nodded through silent sobs before Hermione led them away from what remained of the Gryffindor common room.

Hermione tried to stop her legs from shaking as she led Ginny down the stairs. She couldn't afford to grieve any longer, neither of the two Gryffindors could.

The two girls were alone but determined to find out where, and why, everything had gone so terribly wrong.

Ron Weasley was gone.

Harry Potter was gone.

Hermione had a feeling that though the Battle was over, and Voldemort was dead, the war had only just begun.


	2. in the end

_ In The End - Linkin Park _

**September 1st 1998**

“Are you ready?” A quiet voice asked from the doorway of the train compartment.

There was no answer.

“Hermione?”

Still no answer.

“Mione!”

Hermione's head snapped up, the trance broken, and met the concerned eyes of Ginny Weasley.

“Sorry, Ginny.” Hermione mumbled as she stood up from her seat by the window. “I just needed a minute.”

“What were you thinking so hard about?” Ginny asked as she stepped closer to the brunette.

“How are we back here like the past year didn't happen?” Hermione asked in a whisper.

She looked away from Ginny for a moment to hide the burning sensation that had erupted behind her eyes. They had spent months trying to find out what had happened to Harry and Ron the day of the Battle but had found nothing.

They had given themselves a job to do in finding Harry and Ron, sensing that the Ministry and the Order weren't putting their full effort into finding two of the Second Wizarding War's heroes, and nothing was going to distract them from the task at hand.

Hermione had taken herself and Ginny back out on the run in an attempt to follow any trace of the her missing best friends, hiding the pair of them away like she had been doing for months before the Battle. They had been so focused on finding any lead, any whisper or hint as to where Ron and Harry were that they missed the funerals that were held in June.

The girls couldn't admit that Harry and Ron were dead, it would hurt them both so much, so they didn't regret missing it.

“How can you hold a funeral for people that you know are alive?” Ginny had commented the night before it was set to take place.

Hermione didn't disagree with Ginny's statement at the time, partly because she hoped that they were right and her best friends were alive, but mostly to keep Ginny out of the depressed state that she so often crept into while they camped out in search for the smallest whisper of Harry or Ron's whereabouts.

Now, as they raced through the countryside on the Hogwarts Express, Hermione wished that she and Ginny had believed what everyone else did: Harry Potter and Ron Weasley were dead. Attending their funerals may have given them both peace of mind. Maybe they could have started to move on by now, make peace with the fact that they would never see Harry and Ron again.

One month ago, on what would have been Harry's eighteenth birthday, Hermione and Ginny had been found by the Order and dragged back into the real world.

Ginny, not being classed as an 'adult' by wizarding standards when they were found, got off with a metaphorical slap on the wrist and returned to her parents without so much as two words from Kingsley Shacklebolt.

Hermione, however, spent hours in his office getting the full force of his anger and disappointment.

“How could you do something so reckless?!” He had asked for the thousandth time, his voice barely below a roar.

“We thought that we could find them.” Hermione had replied, looking down at her hands, trying her hardest not to burst into tears.

When Kingsley saw how upset she was getting he sat down behind his desk and took a deep breath.

“Hermione,” he had said in a much quieter voice. “They're gone. I know it must be hard for you and Ginny to accept, but they wouldn't stay away for so long without so much as a word to us if they were still alive.”

The change in Kingsley's tone had made the tears spill down Hermione's cheeks - they were hot and wet with anger.

“How could you not explore every possibility?” She'd asked through gritted teeth. “They could have been taken by anyone who was on Voldemort's side.”

“We did everything we could think of to try and find them.” Kingsley had assured her in a harsh tone.

It was full of finality and Hermione had to admit that Kingsley had been a perfect choice for the next Minister in the aftermath of the war, even she - hotheaded and stubborn to a fault - daren’t argue with him after he used that tone with her. So she bit her tongue and stayed silent from then on. Even as Kingsley threatened to take her wand away for what she had done - which some had seen as endangering a minor by taking Ginny with her - she kept quiet.

Even when the coppery taste of blood had filled her mouth as he had told her what her actual punishment was, undermining her in the way that he offered it up like a gift on a silver platter, and she tried so hard not to explode with the absurdity of the punishment.

“We need to remember why we got into trouble in the first place." Ginny said, pulling Hermione's thoughts back into the present. “We can still find them.”

“Even while we're effectively trapped at Hogwarts?" Hermione snapped.

‘Yes." Ginny replied simply. “I haven't given up and neither should you.”

“Kingsley threatened to take my wand away Ginny!” Hermione shouted, tired of having this same argument again and again. “I might not like that we've been forced to come back here but I see no way around this.”

Ginny's face crumbled and Hermione watched the tears flow freely down her face. “So we have to pretend like everything is okay? Like your two best friends are dead? Like my brother and my-.”

Hermione's angry demeanour softened as Ginny's voice broke off the end of her sentence. "I can't see a way for us to continue to look for them while we're here. I haven't given up, I promise, but until they stop watching us like hawks we have to at least pretend like we aren't doing anything wrong.”

Ginny nodded, sniffling and holding back her tears, before taking Hermione's hand.

“We can do this together.” Hermione assured her, giving her hand a squeeze. It was moments like this that she was reminded how young Ginny was; the war had toughened her into a fierce woman but inside she was still a young girl. Just barely seventeen and facing a staggering loss.

When they stuttered to a stop, the two girls grabbed their luggage and made their way onto the familiar train platform in Hogsmeade, somewhat unsure and unsteady on their feet as they both attempted to act as though they were ready to move on.

Hermione knew that if they stuck together they could get through it but if Ginny wasn't prepared to let their failed mission go, at least while they were stuck completing their schooling, she would lose her confidence far too quickly.

“We need to see McGonagall in her office before the feast.” Hermione reminded Ginny after they entered the carriage.

“Do you think we're going to get an arse kicking from her too?” Ginny asked, a small smirk detectable on her tear stained face.

“Probably.” Hermione admitted with a sad smile.

Fifteen minutes later, after climbing through the newly rebuilt castle, Hermione could hear that they wouldn't be the only ones getting an arse kicking in the new Headmistress' office that night.

“You have put this on my shoulders, Minister.” Hermione heard through the door. McGonagall rarely raised her voice so she knew that the Headmistress was furious but why was she so angry at Kingsley? Why was Kingsley even here?

'When I asked this of you, Headmistress, I didn't think you'd turn it into an opportunity for them to murder each other!' Kingsley spat back.

Ginny, who was also listening to the shouting match happening on the other side of the door, raised her eyebrows at Hermione as if to say ‘what is going on in there?’. Hermione shrugged in reply and they listened for another minute.

"This is how I see fit to deal with it. If you do not trust my judgement, I suggest you find another solution.” McGonagall said, her voice quieter but no less stern.

"I asked you to take care of this.” Kingsley replied. “I just hope this doesn't turn out how I think it will.”

“I have organised a way for them to be watched in one place. I don't have the staff to keep them separate. Though they may all be under supervision here for different reasons, I saw no other solution."

Hermione could tell the conversation was wrapping up so, without thinking, she knocked three times on the aged oak door.

“What did you do that for?” Ginny hissed.

“I didn't want to be caught eavesdropping.” Hermione replied in a hushed whisper.

"Come in.” McGonagall replied as the door swung open.

Hermione was anticipating being met by McGonagall and Kingsley's stares but she wasn't expecting to see two other faces look at her when the door opened. The blood leached from her face as her eyes connected with two people that she hadn't seen since the Battle of Hogwarts.

“Ah, Miss Granger, Miss Wealsey.” McGonagall said with a small smile. “Do come in.”

Hermione stepped in hesitantly, unable to look away from the two familiar faces in front of McGonagall's desk. Clearly Ginny wasn't expecting them either but, unlike Hermione, she didn't keep quiet about her shock.

“What are they doing here?!” She shouted, pointing at the two sat down.

“Ginny!" Hermione hissed, grabbing her friend by the arm in an attempt to keep her quiet.

“Miss Weasley, please calm down." McGonagall asked, a small sigh detectable in her voice. “The Minister has asked that I take a few of my old students back to finish their studies, you and Miss Granger included, in an attempt to keep you out of trouble.”

Ginny pressed her lips into a small scowl at the reminder that she and Hermione were back at Hogwarts as a punishment.

Hermione's eyes still hadn't left the pair from the seat closest to her. They were locked in a fight for the upper hand, neither one wanting to look away from the other, but both understanding that they were in the same boat right now. However, there was something in the eyes that were locked onto Hermione's that told her they knew more than she did.

“The Headmistress has agreed to take the four of you back as a favour to me." Kingsley said, surprising all the other people in the room.

Hermione's eyes snapped away from the challenge.

“What is this? What's going on?” She asked, looking first at Kingsley and then at McGonagall.

“You are all here as some form of punishment, Miss Granger.” McGonagall said, throwing a small glare at Kingsley as she did. “And it is my job to see that the four of you stick to the terms of agreement.”

The four students looked at McGonagall expectantly waiting for the ball to drop and the blow to be served.

“Therefore, I have decided that you will be put in a separate dormitory, away from the other students.” She finished.

Hermione's brow furrowed in confusion. “Do you see us as some sort of threat?”

“No, Miss Granger.” McGonagall assured. “It would simply be easier to keep an eye on should any of you try to break your terms of agreement.”

A scoff from one of the chairs caught Hermione's attention and she threw a glare that way.

“This is not up for negotiation or argument. My decision is final." McGonagall said sternly, clearly tired of justifying her thoughts.

“So we'll be isolated to private dormitories? Will we be able to see anyone outside of classes and mealtimes?" Ginny asked, almost hesitant to know the answer.

Hermione shut her eyes, knowing Ginny was afraid of being left with only the comfort of her own thoughts in a private dormitory, but she feared McGonagall's decision was much worse than that.

“You will have each other for company.” McGonagall explained, clearing her throat. “But other than classes and mealtimes, you will not be permitted to see anyone outside of the four of you.”

"I'm sorry Professor." A sharp voice asked from one of the chairs. "Did you just say, ‘the four of us’?"

“Yes, Mr. Malfoy. Mr. Zabini, Miss Granger, Miss Weasley, and yourself will be confined to a shared dormitory while you see out your punishment here at Hogwarts.” McGonagall confirmed.


	3. crazy

_ Crazy - Gnarls Barkley _

**September 1st 1998**

To the surprise of the Minister of Magic and the Headmistress of Hogwarts the news did not cause uproar from any of the four students. They were simply met with pale faces and wide eyes.

“You four should make your way down to the Welcome Feast.” McGonagall said by way of breaking the silence that had filled the room and dismissing its occupants.

“Could you tell us where our dormitory is, Headmistress? I've suddenly lost my appetite.” Hermione asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

“That makes two of us.” Three people mumbled under their breath.

“I will show you after the Feast, Miss Granger. You should eat something.” McGonagall replied, her tone final. Hermione nodded as if she had just been scolded.

“Let's go.” Ginny hissed to Hermione as she took her by the wrist and led her out of the Headmistress' office before another word could be said.

Hermione could barely keep up with Ginny as they hurried down the stairs towards the Great Hall, trying not to trip over her own feet, and ran the last five minutes through her head. Why did McGonagall think it was a good idea to throw two Slytherins and two Gryffindors in the same dormitory? How were they supposed to survive the school year without hexing each other every five minutes?

When did everything they had planned to do go so horribly wrong?

“Ginny, slow down.” Hermione finally said as they reached the bottom of the stairs.

“I can't believe this!” Ginny cried as she came to a stop, rounding on Hermione. “How did we get into this mess?”

“I was just asking myself the same question.” Hermione muttered.

“We need to run away again.” Ginny replied simply, as though it would be easy for the two of them to walk out the door.

“We can't just walk out of Hogwarts and Apparate away.” Hermione countered.

Ginny huffed and grit her teeth as she tried to think of a solution to their problems, new and old.

“Let's just have dinner. We can plan our great escape in the morning.” Hermione offered with a sigh.

She could tell that the red head was about to argue some more, come up with another plan, or simply shout for a bit longer when her mouth opened. But no words came out. Ginny simply stared over Hermione's shoulder at the two figures making their way down the staircase.

Hermione could see the shift in Ginny's attention and turned towards the stairs to see what she was looking at.

“Granger.” Draco nodded at Hermione.

“Weasley.” Blaise nodded at Ginny.

“Malfoy." Hermione replied with as much politeness as she could muster.

“Zabini.” Ginny hissed through gritted teeth.

The four stood at an impasse: no one wanted to break the silence, no one wanted to be the first to extend the olive branch or cast the first hex, no one wanted to mention the predicament that they now found themselves in.

Hermione considered speaking up first, taking some of her Gryffindor bravery and using it to clear the air, but the lingering grudges that she held towards the two Slytherins stopped her.

It was Ginny in the end who broke the trance like silence, taking Hermione by the hand and pulling her away, leaving everything unsaid and hanging in the air like a gathering storm.

Dinner was a quiet affair.

Hogwarts was different this year; all of the students from Hermione's year had been given the opportunity to retake their final year or graduate with their scores from the end of Sixth Year so, as to be expected, not many returned. As far as Hermione had seen it was only herself, Draco, and Blaise that returned from their year.

It was a similar story for people from Ginny's year, too. There was perhaps only half of the usual amount of students that Ginny would know because, despite not being given the same deal as the older students, a lot were suffering with the after affects of the war and struggled to come to terms with what had happened.

Hermione didn't recognise anyone she knew in the Great Hall besides Ginny and the two Slytherins.

The two girls sat at the end of their table, not wanting to speak to any of their fellow Gryffindors in fear of two names being brought up in conversation with them, and ate in near silence.

The two boys sat, ostracised, at the end of the Slytherin table and ate without exchanging more than five words.

When McGonagall dismissed everyone for the evening she held back Hermione, Ginny, Blaise, and Draco with only a look.

“You four, follow me." She said once the rest of the students had evacuated the Great Hall.

There was only the sound of footsteps echoing through the hall as they made their way through the castle and towards their new dormitory.

When they reached a set of stairs, just past the hospital wing, McGonagall stopped and turned to the four students.

"Your new dormitory is at the top of the stairs, the password is _Phoenix_." McGonagall said, bidding them Goodnight with a nod of her head. She waited for them to begin climbing the stairs before walking off with a heavy sigh.

Hermione was the first to reach the top, gasping out the password around her heavy breathing, and didn't wait for the other three before entering the room.

She had to admit that it was a beautiful set up. It reminded her of Gryffindor's common room with natural light filtering through the windows, two comfy sofas, and a roaring fire adding a homely glow to the room.

She could see three sets of stairs leading off the main room and could only assume that it led to two sets of rooms and the bathroom, wondering for a moment if they would have four separate rooms or if she would share with Ginny and the boys share with each other.

She heard the other three stop behind her, each catching their breath, and taking in their new living arrangements.

Without discussing it Blaise and Draco headed up the staircase on the left, Ginny walked towards the staircase in the middle, and Hermione rushed up the staircase on the far right of the room. All looking to explore their new living quarters rather than address the elephant in the room.

After climbing the stairs for a full minute, theorising that she was at the very top of the tower, she stepped onto a wooden ladder, poked her head through an open hatch, and was met with darkness.

“Lumos.” She whispered and the room filled with light.

She gasped when she saw that they had their own library in the attic space of this tower. She pulled herself up and out of the hatch so that she could peruse the titles on the shelf, happy to lose herself in here for the whole night, but was interrupted by a shout from downstairs.

“Granger!” Draco's muffled voice shouted from below.

 _What the bloody hell does he want?_ Hermione asked herself.

Not wanting to cause arguments by ignoring his call, which she assumed was important enough as he wouldn't call for her otherwise, she lowered herself down the hatch and back onto the stone staircase.

She ran down the stairs as fast as she could, her wand still lit, and met Ginny, Blaise, and Draco in the common room.

“Everything okay?” She asked Ginny with wide eyes.

“Yes.” Ginny nodded. “Where have you been?"

“There's a library at the top of those stairs.” Hermione explained as she extinguished the light at the end of her wand. She saw Draco smirk but didn't comment on it, simply looked at him with a raised brow. “You called?”

“We found our rooms.” He said, tilting his head towards the far left staircase.

“What's up that one?” Hermione asked Ginny, pointing to the middle staircase.

“Bathroom." She replied.

Hermione nodded and the air suddenly felt tense. Perhaps not tense in the severe sense of the word, more uncomfortably awkward as though many things were going unsaid, and it hung like thick smoke between the four of them.

Slowly, the group broke off.

Blaise was the first as he hurried up the stairs that led to their rooms.

Ginny sat on the window seat next, looking out over the grounds of Hogwarts.

Draco sat on the sofa closest to the fire, after one last look fleeting glance at Hermione, staring at the flickering flames.

Hermione, the last to move, turned back towards the staircase that led to the library and considered hiding herself away up there.

“Anyone want a drink?” Blaise asked as he came bounding back down the stairs, cutting the silence with a shake of two Firewhiskey bottles.


	4. a little time

_ A Little Time - The Beautiful South _

**September 1st 1998**  
  


No one answered until Ginny silently summoned up a glass with her wand and held it towards Blaise, not once looking away from the window.

“That's the spirit, Weasley.” Blaise smirked approvingly. He poured Ginny a generous amount before wandlessly summoning his own glass with a simple flourish of his hand and filling it to the top.

Hermione stood firm, watching as Draco used his wand to bring two glasses to the coffee table, and Blaise filled them both with Firewhiskey. Blaise placed the two bottles on the table and sat on the spare sofa, raising his glass towards the middle of the room and taking a long drink.

Hermione watched as Draco took both of the glasses from the table and turned to look at her, holding out one of the glasses in her direction. She looked from his deep grey eyes to the swirling glass of amber liquid and saw it as it was; a peace offering.

Though she couldn't understand why, Hermione felt her face twitch as if she were about to cry, so she slowly made her way over to Draco's outstretched hand to pluck the glass from between his fingers before he could see the emotion on her face.

She took a long sip from the glass, relishing the burn as the liquid slipped down her throat, before planting herself on the floor in front of the fire and placing her glass on the carpet so that she could slip her outer robes off her shoulders and her feet from her shoes. She hugged her knees to her chest, resting her chin on her knees, while she watched the flames.

After a while she could hear Blaise and Draco begin to talk quietly to one another but didn't bother to listen.

The longer she spent directly in front of the fire the warmer she got and, after half an hour, she had also removed her cardigan, her tie, her socks, and had also undone a couple of buttons of her shirt. Her glass of Firewhiskey sat empty by her left hip.

“Refill?” Draco asked from behind her left shoulder, surprising Hermione out of her thoughts.

“Please.” She replied quietly without turning her head away from the flames.

He didn't try and speak to her again as he poured, the splash of liquid hitting the glass the only sound in the otherwise quiet room. A cool breeze tickled the bottom of her spine as he stood up and settled himself back on the sofa.

After another half an hour of silence from Hermione, and another glass of Firewhiskey down, she shuffled back so that she could pull a cushion down to the floor to sit on and rest her back on the sofa.

“Do you want another?” Draco asked as he lifted the bottle of Firewhiskey from the table in front of Hermione.

“No, thank you.” She replied with a shake of her head. She had spent the last hour trying not to let the tears fall down her cheeks and she worried that another glass of Firewhiskey would open the floodgates and ruin all of her hard work.

“Weasley, another?” Blaise called, drawing Hermione's attention to the fact that she hadn't spoken to Ginny all evening. She looked over to see the red head was still sat by the window, her head resting on her knees, with her hair covering half her body but not hiding the slight shake of her shoulders as she cried.

When Ginny didn't reply Hermione stood from the floor and walked over to her best friend.

“Gin.” Hermione whispered. “Come sit by the fire.”

“Okay.” Ginny nodded as she let Hermione pull her up from the chilly window seat and lead her over to the sofas.

Ginny sat next to Blaise in silence, so that she could take the bottle of Firewhiskey from him and pour herself another glass, while Hermione took her spot back on the floor near Draco.

“So,” Blaise said as he cleared his throat. “What did you two do to get yourselves in trouble with the Ministry?”

“Blaise.” Draco said through slightly gritted teeth, as though warning his friend against saying something to aggravate the two girls.

“We ran away.” Ginny said as she gulped down half the liquid in her glass.

Hermione watched as both Slytherins raised their eyebrows in surprise. Draco looked down at her with an impressed smirk. She looked away.

“I would have thought you'd seen it in the Prophet.” Hermione stated.

“You must have been old news by the time we were allowed to read the Prophet again.” Blaise replied with a terse laugh.

Hermione looked over at him with furrowed brows. “What do you mean?”

“We were taken away by Aurors the minute the Battle was over. We were put on trial. We got let go a few days ago.” Blaise explained with an air of nonchalance that put Hermione's teeth on edge.

“And this was your punishment?” Ginny scoffed as she drained her glass.

“McGonagall spoke at both our trials and explained what happened at the Battle.” Draco said, no trace of bitterness in voice, only regret at the necessity of a trial in the first place. He shifted his gaze to Hermione before continuing. “She gave evidence about me that she must have heard from you.”

“Me?” Hermione asked, moving her body so that she was fully facing him.

“She explained what happened at the Manor. How I didn't identify you and the others.” He answered in an almost whisper.

Hermione didn't miss the way he glanced at her left forearm or the way his jaw clenched when he saw the fading scar out in the open. She lifted her arm away so that he didn't have to look at it anymore.

“I don't remember telling her.” Hermione muttered as she wracked her brain for the specific conversation.

“Anyway,” Blaise said as he pulled the bottle of Firewhiskey away from Ginny. “McGonagall fought in our corner at the trial and Shacklebolt decided she would get stuck with us. She helped us clear our names of all charges provided we finish our final year here without incident so we can't complain.”

“That was... kind of her.” Hermione offered.

“It was a bloody shock, that's what it was.” Blaise said. Hermione could tell that he was drunk; he was the loudest person in the room.

“Why are you being punished?” Draco asked Hermione, looking down at her as he swirled his drink in his glass.

“We ran away.” Hermione repeated Ginny's statement from earlier.

“I got that much.” Draco said with a smirk.

“I don't really want to talk about it.” Hermione admitted, squeezing her eyes shut as tears threatened to come once more.

“Was it just the two of you...?” Draco asked but trailed off when Hermione's eyes snapped open and shot him a warning glare. He lifted his hands up in surrender and dropped the subject.

“Um... Granger?” Blaise asked, drawing Hermione's glare away from Draco. “I think Weasley's had too much to drink.”

Hermione saw the slumped form of Ginny, draped across the arm of the sofa, and inwardly sighed. She placed her empty glass on the table and stood up to rouse Ginny from her drunken slumber in an attempt to get her up to bed.

She didn't stir no matter how hard Hermione poked her shoulder.

“Bloody hell, Gin.” Hermione grumbled as she pulled her wand from the waistband of her skirt. She levitated Ginny from the sofa, parting the two Slytherins with a nod, and walked them up the stairs towards their bedrooms.

She found four doors, each inscribed with a name, and opened the furthest door on the right; Ginny's. She levitated her over to the bed and conjured a glass of water to sit on the beside table for when she inevitable woke up with a dry mouth. Before she left she pulled Ginny's shoes off her feet and tucked the covers around her small form and gave her a sad smile.

“Everything will be fine.” Hermione whispered quietly.

Hermione stepped back out of the room and closed the door behind her, surprised to find the two Slytherins stood in the hallway holding the clothes she had discarded earlier by the fire. Her wand was still gripped in her hand and she considered hexing them, perhaps out of instinct, but shoved it back in the waistband of her skirt when she saw how uncomfortable they looked.

“T-thank you.” She stuttered as she took her robe from Blaise, who immediately nodded and entered the furthest bedroom on the left, and turned to Draco to take her shoes, cardigan and tie from his hands.

'”Granger,” he said as she reached out to take her things. “I know this is an uncomfortable situation but I want you and Weasley to know that we aren't going to cause trouble.”

“It's fine, Malfoy.” Hermione said in a tired voice. “We don't have to be civil, we just have to not kill one another.”

Draco's expression didn't change but Hermione noticed his back straighten at her words.

“Right.” He said as he turned on his heel to enter the second bedroom from the left, leaving Hermione alone in the corridor.

After taking a deep breath she entered the second bedroom from the right and propped herself up against the back of the door once it was closed. “Merlin, give me strength.” She muttered to herself. She knew she’d need it if she were to survive the next nine months. After taking a minute to collect herself, Hermione unceremoniously dumped her clothing on the floor, adding her skirt and shirt to the pile, before crawling into bed and passing out from emotional exhaustion.


	5. what can i say

_ What Can I Say - Brandi Carlile _

**September 5th 1998**

It had been four days since Hermione arrived back at Hogwarts. It had been three whole days of living in an isolated dormitory with Ginny and two Slytherins.

After that first night, with Blaise's attempt at bonding over Firewhiskey not having the desired effect, the group hadn't spoke much or spent much time in each others company. Perhaps not wanting to ruin the somewhat civility that they had created while drinking.

Hermione, being Hermione, spent all of her free time in their library curled up in the cushions and reading whatever her hand touched first. She always told Ginny where she was going and that she was welcome to come along but she never joined her.

Classes and mealtimes had helped to break up the routine and the loneliness that bounced around their tower but, as the morning rays of the first Saturday broke through Hermione's window and woke her from sleep, she knew that today would be difficult. There would be nothing to distract her from the loss of her two best friends, no classes to attend, no homework to do as she had completed it as soon as she got it in order to fill the time isolated in this dormitory, and no one else to speak to besides Ginny. Though the two girls were now inseparable there was only so much they could talk about that would distract from the missing pieces.

Not only had Hermione lost her two best friends but Ginny had lost her brother as well as the boy she loved. Having only been reunited for a few hours that night, only to be ripped apart once more, Hermione couldn't ask Ginny to comfort her over the loss of Harry and Ron any more. She knew that Ginny was hurting more than she ever could.

But that didn't mean that it didn't hurt.

After seeing that it was barely 6am, but knowing that she wouldn't be able to go back to sleep, Hermione dragged herself out of bed and picked up her towel so that she could use the shower before anyone else was awake.

She was still yawning by the time she shut the water off and stepped out the shower, her hair dripping down her back, and she was surprised to hear shouts coming from the common room.

“I swear to Merlin, Zabini, I will hex you!” She heard Ginny scream.

“Weasley, calm down!” Blaise shouted back. Hermione could hear the slight shake in his voice and wondered what was going on.

“What are you two shouting about?” She heard Draco grumble, clearly having been woken up by the shouting match.

The sound of smashing glass cleared Hermione's mind and she was running from the bathroom, her wand in hand, before she could think twice about it.

“Ginny, what are you doing?!” Hermione shouted as she entered the common room, taking in the sight of the two Slytherin's covering their heads with their arms, and Ginny with her wand pointed directly at them.

“I'm going to bloody kill him!” Ginny shouted as she fired a hex towards Zabini.

“Ginny!” Hermione shouted once more, rushing to stand between Ginny and her target, as Blaise ducked out of the way of that last hex just in time. “Expelliarmus!”

Ginny's wand flew from her hand and landed in Hermione's.

“What did you do that for?!” The red head cried.

“What's going on?” Hermione demanded, glancing from Ginny to Blaise with wild eyes.

The tension in the room was palpable.

“Tell her what you said.” Ginny hissed through gritted teeth as she focussed her glare on Blaise.

“I-I don't know what I said wrong.” Blaise stuttered as he straightened up. When he looked at Hermione to explain she saw him quickly avert his eyes away from her before he continued. “I just asked why her brother and Potter didn't come back to school. I was just trying to make conversation, I was trying to be polite and civil, but she bit my head off.”

Hermione looked at him as if he was crazy, ignoring the audible growl that escaped Ginny's throat, as she wondered what on earth possessed Blaise to ask that sort of question.

“Are you mad?” Hermione asked in a low voice, stepping closer to Blaise, not noticing the sting of glass piercing the bottom of her feet as the anger coursed through her veins. “Why would you ask a stupid question like that?!”

She hadn't noticed that her wand arm was slowly rising, pointing straight at Blaise, until she saw the look in his eyes and heard a throat clear next to her.

“Granger, don't hex him.” Draco said beside her. Hermione shot him a glare, her wand still pointed at Blaise, and another wave of fury washed over her.

Draco wasn't looking directly at her but his hand was slowly reaching towards her wrist. When his fingers touched her skin, still damp from her shower, to push her wand away from Blaise, she remembered. All she was wearing was a towel.

Hermione let out a huge sigh and dropped her wand arm completely, tightening the towel under her armpits. Draco's hand fell back to his side.

“Why would you ask her about... them?” Hermione asked, turning back to look at Blaise.

“I told you-.” Blaise said in an exasperated voice, but Draco cut him off.

“Granger, why was it such a bad question for him to ask?” His tone was much calmer, softer than Blaise's, and it soothed Hermione's anger enough to explain.

“They disappeared.” She said simply, watching as Ginny tried not to cry tears of anger and sadness. “No one could find them after the Battle. We haven't seen them since.”

“Fuck.” Blaise muttered under his breath as he looked over to Ginny. “I'm sorry We-... Ginny... I didn't mean to upset you.”

Ginny nodded her head, not wanting to speak, but appreciating the apology nonetheless. She was quick to disappear up the stairs to the dormitories. Blaise followed half a minute later.

“Granger,” Draco said, as if he were about to apologise also.

“Don't.” Hermione whispered. “We've heard it all before.”

“No, you've got glass in your feet.” Draco said as he pointed to the broken glass on the floor and the streams of blood running onto the carpet.

“Ow, shit.” Hermione mumbled, looking down as her feet as the sting finally came, replacing the waves of anger, and she went to step away from the broken glass.

“Don't move.” Draco said quickly, holding his arms out to stop Hermione from hurting herself further. “Let me clear it away first.”

Draco quickly cleaned up the glass with his wand and saw Hermione as she attempted to pick her foot up to pick the glass out; made more difficult due to her lack of balance on injured feet and her towel predicament.

“This is hard to watch.” Draco mumbled to himself with a roll of his eyes.

Hermione almost hexed Draco when she felt his arm loop around her waist, picking her up like she weighed nothing, but he quickly dropped her onto the sofa before she could point her wand at him.

“Do you have to be such a brute?” Hermione huffed. “A simple ‘Granger, sit on the sofa’ would suffice!”

“Do you want me to help you or not?” Draco snapped. “You can't walk anywhere with glass in your feet so unless you can fly then I suggest you shut up and let me take it out.”

Hermione pursed her lips and said nothing. Half of her was angered at his callousness but the other half was simply surprised that he'd be willing to help her at all.

Draco sat himself on the floor in front of Hermione and gently lifted her right foot. She shifted uncomfortably, all too aware that the towel was all that covered her in that moment. He worked in mainly silence as he plucked each piece of glass from her foot.

She was too preoccupied with the puzzle that was Draco Malfoy offering her help to say much.

“This one might hurt, it looks deep.” Draco muttered after a minute.

“It's fine.” Hermione said. “I've felt worse.”

Draco's eyes flicked up to meet hers but he said nothing. He knew what she was referring to and she knew that he knew.

When the big piece was out, Hermione was surprised how much it hurt but hid it well, Draco muttered a healing spell and moved on to her left foot.

“You didn't have to do this.” Hermione finally said as she watched Draco pull each shard of glass from her foot.

It took him a while to say something. He'd been searching for the right thing to say, for the right words, but nothing was coming to him easily. So he settled for a classic Draco Malfoy comment.

“Maybe I just wanted a good view up that towel.”

Hermione narrowed her eyes at him and yanked her foot away from his hand.

“Don't be a prude, Granger. It was a joke.” Draco said as he snatched her foot back.

“I don't hear any laughter.” Hermione said as she crossed her arms. She wanted to fight his hold, shake off his grip once more, but didn't trust the towel to keep her covered if she did.

“Note to self: inappropriate jokes don't work on Gryffindors.” Draco mumbled as he pulled another piece of glass from her foot.

Hermione leant her head on the back of the sofa in an attempt to hide the smile, to hold back the laughter, but Draco noticed. His gloating smirk quickly turned to a frown at the last piece of glass in her foot.

“Merlin, this one actually will hurt.” Draco said as he looked up at Hermione's face.

“Just take it out.” Hermione said with a sigh.

She felt it tug harshly against her skin and she bit her lip to stop the whimper of pain from escaping.

“It feels stuck.” Draco mumbled.

“Just - take it out.” Hermione said again, her voice cracking slightly from the pain. Draco had been right, it hurt like a bitch.

Draco winced as he gripped the piece of glass, Hermione bit her bottom lip, and he pulled. In an attempt to not make a sound she drew blood, tasting iron.

After a healing spell to seal the cuts and a cleaning spell to get rid of the blood on her feet Draco looked up at Hermione again.

“You're a mess, Granger.” He smirked, wiping the spot of blood that had bloomed from her lip with his thumb.

“Shut up, Malfoy.” Hermione huffed as she stood from the sofa and moved past him to go to the bathroom. She stopped halfway, not turning back to look at him, simply called over her shoulder. “But thank you.”

“That's why you're being punished, isn't it? You went to look for them, didn't you?” He asked in a low voice when she was almost at the bottom step.

Hermione turned to look at him and grit her teeth. Stupid boy had to go and ruin their first ever half nice moment by opening his big mouth.

“We can be civil, we could even become friendly towards each other, but we don't ever talk about them.” She demanded in a harsh voice as she looked into his eyes.

Draco didn't say a word and he didn't break eye contact. After thirty seconds he finally nodded and Hermione rushed back up the stairs towards the bathroom.

Later, after dragging Ginny up to the library with her, Hermione sat huddled in her usual spot with a book on her lap. They were mostly silent, not wanting to discuss the argument further, but Hermione knew Ginny forgave her for disarming her when she asked for help with her Potions essay.

After an hour of being up in the library alone, they heard footsteps on the stairs, and knew their peace was about to be broken.

Blaise appeared through the hatch first. He didn't say a word, simply placed a cup of tea on the floor and pushed it towards Ginny before disappearing back down the stairs. The girls exchanged a sceptical glance as Draco appeared next, placing another cup of tea on the floor and pushing it to Hermione, before retreating back down.

A minute passed with them staring at the mugs of tea the two girls burst into a silent fit of giggles, which spiralled into uncontrollable fits of laughter, and the two boys waiting on the stairs below knew that they were somewhat forgiven.

It was the first time the two girls had laughed in months, and the first time the two boys shared a genuine smile in years.

That night Blaise produced another two bottles of Firewhiskey and the four drank together once again, wordlessly vowing to do this every Saturday while they were all confined to the limitations of their punishments, and all was forgiven from earlier that day.


	6. ironic

_ Ironic - Alanis Morissette _

**September 12th 1998**

  
A week on the four had become slightly more acquainted with one another though they were still prone to regular arguments.

However, after the first, Hermione had insisted that, should they argue, no wands were allowed. She had mostly said it to Ginny but she had thrown pointed looks at Blaise and Draco so that it didn't look like she was specifically speaking to the fiery red head lest she be on the receiving end of a Bat-Bogey hex.

It was clear that, after the first Saturday of bonding over a drink, it would become a regular thing. Hermione didn't want to ask Blaise how he managed to get Firewhiskey into their dormitory and he never shared that information.

At first the conversation was stunted and awkward, mostly consisting of the boys and girls chatting seperatly in their own conversations, but they soon managed to discuss safe topics as a group of four.

Being somewhat of an oddity to the Pureblood Slytherins, Hermione was asked about the workings of the Muggle world and Blaise in particular took a certain interest in her upbringing in the Muggle world.

“So, how do Muggles get around if they don't Apparate, Floo, or use Portkeys?” Blaise asked with wide eyes and a confused expression written across his face. Hermione glanced over to find Draco just as interested but with a smirk on his face instead.

“Well, there's all sorts of transport. Trains, buses, cars, planes.” Hermione said as she finished her drink and poured another.

“Trains I know. I'm assuming your buses are like the Knight Bus?” Blaise said. “But what are the others?”

“The Knight Bus only really looks like a Muggle bus, it works in a completely different way. Buses and cars are similar though. They're essentially metal boxes with wheels that move with an engine.” Hermione tried to explain, not knowing how much Blaise would understand or have heard of already. “And planes also work with an engine, but they fly.”

“Like a broomstick?” Blaise asked.

“Not really.” Hermione said with a laugh. “Most planes carry more than one person. They're huge.”

“Can you drive a car?” Draco asked, much to Hermione's surprise that he would even be interested.

“Yes.” She admitted. “I learned Christmas of Sixth Year and passed my test in the Easter holidays that year.”

“Is it harder than riding a broom?” Ginny asked, never having known that Hermione could drive.

“It probably would be for you but I'm terrible at flying so it was probably easier than riding a broomstick for me.” Hermione laughed.

“I reckon I could drive.” Blaise said with a confident look.

Hermione laughed. “You don't even know what a car looks like, how could you confidently say you could drive one?”

“If you think it's easier than riding a broom, I reckon I've got a chance.” Blaise confirmed with a nod.

Hermione rolled her eyes as she took a sip of her drink.

“If only dad still had his car I could learn to drive.” Ginny mused with a smile.

“Your dad had a car?” Blaise asked.

“A flying car.” Ginny corrected. “He's interested in all sorts of Muggle things but he likes to change them. He doesn't have it any more.”

“What happened to it?” Blaise asked, leaning towards Ginny with genuine interest.

Both girls stiffened when they remembered why the car was no longer in Mr Weasley's possession. But when Hermione felt cool fingers slip over the sofa cushion and touch her hand, an odd gesture of comfort that seemed to have the desired effect, she let her face break out into a small smile at the memory.

“Harry and Ron drove it from Kings Cross to Hogwarts in Second Year.” Hermione said with a laugh and a shake of her head. “They had some trouble getting through the barrier to platform 9 3/4 so they decided to steal the car. They landed in the Whomping Willow.”

Blaise roared with laughter, once again drunk on Firewhiskey and the loudest in the room, and even Ginny cracked a smile. Hermione looked over to find Draco hiding a smirk.

“Classic Potter and Weasley, always causing trouble.” Blaise laughed.

Ginny and Hermione looked over at each other with sad smiles but couldn't help join in with the laughter as they thought about all of the other memories that they had of Harry and Ron.

“At least they did like to get themselves into trouble,” Ginny said when Blaise had quietened down. “They saved my life in Second Year thanks to their penchant for breaking the rules.”

“Oh, shit, I forgot about that.” Blaise said. “That was mental, you were possessed by a diary right?”

Ginny nodded.

“Harry killed a Basilisk for Ginny.” Hermione smiled.

“Get out.” Blaise said. “Go Potter.”

“And if it weren't for Ron, we might have had to suffer with Lockhart as a teacher for more than a year.” Ginny laughed.

“Oh, Merlin. I almost forgot about that.” Hermione let out a small giggle at the memory.

“So did Lockhart.” Ginny giggled.

“What did Weasley do to Lockhart?” Draco asked with a raised brow.

“Well, Lockhart did it to himself.” Hermione said as she calmed her laughter. “He tried to obliviate Ron and Harry with Ron's broken wand but it backfired and hit him instead.”

Draco and Blaise both stifled a laugh at the thought and the girls exchanged another sad smile. Though talking about Ron and Harry was difficult, there was something also oddly soothing about reliving happier memories of the pair, and tonight was the first time they had done so.

With happiness and content floating around the room, Ginny soon fell into the same post drinking slumber against the side of the sofa like she had done the week before.

Hermione looked over with a sigh when she heard the first soft snore, admiring the way that Ginny could fall asleep in such an uncomfortable position, and moved to get up from her seat.

“I'll take her if you want?” Blaise asked before Hermione could move.

She blinked a couple of times, wondering if she imagined Blaise saying those words, but nodded at him with a grateful smile.

She watched as Blaise knelt in from of Ginny's small sleeping form, hooked one arm under her knees and looped the other around her back, and pulled her in to rest against his chest.

Ginny's hair spilled over Blaise's shoulder and cascaded down his back and Hermione kept her eyes focused on the way it moved against him as he carried her up the stairs. It was an odd gesture, completely unexpected, but it was the first sign of trust from Hermione in taking him up on the offer.

Cool fingers squeezed her hand and pulled her eyes away from the staircase leading up to the dormitory. She hadn't realised that Draco's fingers had been resting against hers since he gave her that first initial comforting squeeze.

“You alright, Granger?” He asked with an unreadable expression.

She nodded in reply, not trusting herself to speak without her voice breaking.

“You can talk to me.” He offered.

Hermione looked over to find Draco's eyes watching her face, their steely greyness getting lost in the details of her face, and she was drawn in to their gaze.

“It hurts to talk about them, usually.” Hermione said through the lump in her throat. “But it was nice tonight. Talking about the happy memories made thinking about them easier.”

“As much as we never got along before, it wasn't so bad listening to it either.” Draco replied with a smirk.

Hermione tried to not think about the way his cool fingers were tracing light patterns absentmindedly across the skin of her hand.

“You and Blaise have been really trying to make an effort with Ginny and I.” Hermione said quietly.

“It's nothing, really.” Draco said, almost too quickly.

“You could have continued to dislike us, you could have continued to dislike me, but you didn't.” Hermione pressed.

One cool finger slipped up into the sleeve of her jumper and her body went rigid as it brushed over the raised scar tissue, sending a shiver down her spine. She wanted to rip her arm away; the thought of anyone touching it, let alone Draco, should have been nauseating but she found herself frozen to spot as the smooth pad of his finger traced the word that would mark her forever.

“No, I couldn't.” He replied with a hint of sadness in his voice, reminding Hermione that there was something else in the room to focus on besides his finger on her scar. He cleared his throat and when he spoke again the sadness was gone. “Even if I wanted to continue in my old ways, which I didn't, do you really think I'd have gotten away with it here?”

Hermione's face remained blank at his words but she could see the smirk pulling at the edge of Draco's lips as he so desperately tried to cheer her up with a small stab at humour. She desperately wanted to smile along with him, appreciate the honesty that he was giving her and the effort to cheer her up, and become friends. She wished she could close old wounds and move on, Draco certainly seemed to be making an effort in not being an arrogant prick around her.

But she was realistic.

There was some part of her that felt she could never trust Draco Malfoy no matter what he said to convince her otherwise. Because that's all she would take his words as, a way to convince her that he was changed for the better, she may never be able to take his words as the truth.

“No, you wouldn't.” She replied, gently pulling her arm away from his cool touch, as she stood up from the sofa.

Before she could take two steps away his hand shot out and held her back by the wrist.

“Did I say something?” Draco asked as he stood up, towering over Hermione, genuine concern written on his features.

“No, Malfoy.” Hermione replied, trying to continue walking away, but his hand held her wrist in a firm grip.

“I've upset you.” He said bluntly. “I want to know what I said.”

“Why?” Hermione snapped.

“Because I don't want to upset you again by doing the same thing.”

“Since when have you ever cared about my personal feelings? Since when do you care what effect your words have on a Muggle-born like myself?” She hissed, pulling at his hand in an attempt to escape his grasp.

“That's not me, Granger. Not anymore.” He practically growled. “I won't tell you that I changed overnight because that would be a lie. But things began to change in my mind when it came to you and other Muggleborns even before Voldemort was killed. Especially you.”

Hermione stopped pulling her arm and her brow furrowed.

“Why me?” She whispered.

Draco took a visibly deep intake of breath before answering. “I'd been reconsidering my entire belief system since the night... Dumbledore died. I hated every minute of Sixth Year because of what I had to do. It was then that I questioned everything the Dark Lord stood for but I had to protect my family and keep my wavering loyalties to myself. I was selfish.

“But seeing my crazy bitch of an Aunt carve that word into your arm,” he continued through gritted teeth. “It made something inside me snap. I never wanted it, any part of it, I don't think. It wasn't until that day at the Manor that I realised where my true loyalties lie.”

Hermione had no control over the sharp intake of breath, the small gasp that escaped her lips, as she looked into Draco's eyes and saw the truth. Had her experience at Malfoy Manor truly had such a lasting impact, did it really trigger him into question his entire belief system?

“I'm telling the truth, Granger.” He said quietly, as if reading her mind.

He finally let go of her wrist, letting it drop back to her side, but she made no other movement.

“Do you want to have another drink together?” She asked, her voice barely above a whisper, as they awkwardly stood facing each other. This was her olive branch, her peace offering.

“Alright.” He replied.

An hour later Hermione, passed out from exhaustion and alcohol consumption, was carried to bed by Draco.


	7. apologize

_ Apologize - OneRepublic _

**September 19th 1998**   
  


Ginny watched as Blaise managed to smuggle another two bottles of Firewhiskey into the common room without being caught for the third Saturday in a row.

She was sat waiting by the fire when he came back twenty minutes late from dinner, sneaking through the door and checking over his shoulder to see if he had been followed by a teacher. When he saw that the coast was clear he cracked a huge smile and closed the door.

“I don't know how you do it, Zabini, but I have to say I'm impressed that you haven't been caught yet.” Ginny said, making Blaise whip round in surprise and almost dropping one of the bottles in the process.

“Merlin, Weasley!” He cried as he clutched his racing heart. “I almost lost one of them thanks to you.”

“Oh hush, the bottles are fine.” Ginny said with a roll of her eyes.

“Where are the other two?” Blaise asked as he found that Ginny was alone in the common room.

“I think they're in the attic.” Ginny said awkwardly.

Blaise raised his eyebrows, questioning Ginny's discomfort over the matter.

“It's Hermione's birthday.” Ginny explained quietly. “I think Malfoy saw that she was upset and followed her upstairs.”

“Wow.” Blaise muttered. “Bold move.”

“I know.” Ginny said with a nod of her head. “I tried to tell him to leave her alone but he wouldn't have any of it.”

*Twenty Minutes Earlier*

“I don't understand why you don't even want to tell them.” Ginny huffed at the dinner table.

“It's not important.” Hermione shrugged, stabbing her roast potatoes absentmindedly.

“But it's your birthday.” Ginny insisted in a louder voice than Hermione would have liked.

“Keep your voice down. I just don't want a fuss.” Hermione said, ending the conversation with a pleading look thrown at the redhead.

Ginny sighed, a defeated slump in her shoulders, when she realised that Hermione was probably struggling celebrating this birthday without Harry and Ron. The clatter of cutlery against a plate drew Ginny's attention back to the brunette sat across from her.

“I'll meet you back in the dormitory.” Hermione mumbled as she stood up from her seat.

“Mione-.” Ginny tried but Hermione was already hurrying out the doors of the Great Hall.

“Everything okay?” A voice asked from behind Ginny. She turned and found Draco stood in the aisle, awkwardly avoiding the stares of the other Gryffindors at the table.

“She's upset.” Ginny sighed. “I'm giving her space.”

“What's she upset about?” Draco asked.

“Leave her, Malfoy.” Ginny snapped, a little harsher then she wanted to be but she assumed that Hermione wouldn't want anyone to talk to her right now.

“Tell me why she's upset and I'll drop it.” Draco persisted, much to Ginny's surprise.

Ginny shook her head in reply, not wanting to go back on her word to Hermione, and let out another sigh when Draco turned on his heel and rushed out of the Great Hall in pursuit of Hermione.

Ginny waited, alone, until the puddings appeared on the table in front of her. She wrapped a piece of cake in a napkin, vowing to save it for when Hermione was less upset about the fact that it was her birthday, and slipped it into the pocket of her robes before getting up and making her way out of the Great Hall.

Deeper in the castle Hermione was running up to the very top of the tower. She had tried all day not to let her emotions slip out but the more Ginny pushed about wanting to make her birthday just as special as all of the years she had celebrated at Hogwarts before the harder it had become.

As soon as she was seated on the scattered cushions in the attic library, her head resting on her knees, she let the tears flow for the first time in weeks.

Hermione didn't know how long it was before she heard footsteps on the stairs.

'I'll speak to you in a bit Ginny.' Hermione called, praying that her voice didn't portray how upset she had become, and buried her head back into her knees.

“It's me, Granger.” Draco said from the hatch.

Hermione didn't look up, not wanting him to see that she was sobbing alone in a dark attic.

“I don't want to talk, Malfoy.” She mumbled into the fabric of her jeans.

“You don't have to.” Draco offered as he sat down next to her.

Having not been the type for physical affection or comfort, Draco found himself struggling as to what to do in this situation. He knew he wanted to do something, something to make her feel better and maybe even open up to him about what's upsetting her, so he settled for a hesitant arm around her shoulder while he waited for her to calm down and stop crying.

The oddly comforting feeling that she was getting from Draco in that moment only made Hermione sob harder.

“Granger, maybe you need to calm down and tell me why you're so upset before you drown us both in your tears.” Draco muttered after ten minutes of listening to her wet sniffles.

“It's my birthday.” She mumbled, pressing her face deeper into her knees.

Draco didn't respond. His first instinct was to make a snarky comment about how she should at least wait until her twenties to be upset about ageing but he knew that there must be something really upsetting her.

So he kept quiet.

“The past six birthdays I've spent with Harry and Ron.” Hermione finally continued. “All of them at Hogwarts, besides last year, and having to be here without them this year...”

Another sob chocked its way from her throat, stopping her from continuing, and Draco pulled her closer into his side.

“I don't know how to do this without them.” She whispered. She finally pulled her face away from her knees and buried her head into Draco's chest instead.

It was quiet for a moment as Draco considered his words, thought about what would be most comforting for her, and settled on what she needed to hear.

“They're your best friends.” He said as he pulled her away from his chest, his hands clutching her shoulders, and looked into her eyes. “You've spent so long learning to live with them that you've never learned to live without them. I can't imagine what you went through last year when you were trying to defeat Him but I can imagine it only cemented the fact that you three were a package deal.”

Hermione's tears came to a slow stop as she took in Draco's words.

He continued. “I don't know what happened to them but they aren't here right now. It's time for you to learn to live without them.”

Hermione pulled away as if Draco had just slapped her but his cold hands cupped her cheeks and forced her to look at him as he carried on.

“You, Granger, are a force to be reckoned with. You're unnaturally clever, undeniably brave, and unwittingly fierce. You defeated the un-defeatable. You lost the two people closest to you and it's tough but I know that if anyone can get through this, it's you.”

The speech ended and Draco silently congratulated himself at the thoughtfulness of his words, giving himself a metaphorical pat on the back at how well he had managed to convey his thoughts into comforting words - something he definitely wasn't used to doing. He hoped that it had worked and that Hermione would nod, tell him he was right, and they would go downstairs to celebrate her-.

“Get out.”

“Excuse me?” Draco asked.

“Get. Out.” Hermione repeated as she tore away from the hands that were still cupping her cheeks.

“Granger, I-.”

“GET OUT!” She screamed as she raised her wand and sent a full shelf of books flying towards Draco.

He quickly ducked out of the way and made his way towards the hatch, cursing himself for pushing her too far. He was almost out of harms way when a copy of _Hogwarts: A History_ came rushing through the air and hit him in the back of the head.

The force knocked his head forwards and his nose connected with the wooden rung in front of him with a sickening crunch.

“Shit.” He mumbled to himself as he hurried the rest of the way down the wooden ladder.

Using the sleeve of his jumper to slow the stream of blood trickling out of his nose, he made his way back down to the common room, only to be met by two expectant faces.

“I told you to leave her alone.” Ginny said, rolling her eyes when she saw that Draco was injured.

“Mate, what did you say to her?” Blaise asked as he spotted the state of Draco's face.

“I thought I was helping.” Draco replied, his voice muffled through his sleeve and stuffy from the state of his nose. “That's the second time she's broken my nose.”

“And you deserved it both times.” Ginny snapped. “Sit.”

She pointed Draco to the sofa and waited for him to take a seat before she roughly tipped his head back and shoved his arm out of the way.

“Weasley, what are-.” Blaise asked, stopping when he received a glare from Ginny.

“What I should be doing is sending a Bat-Bogey hex your way for upsetting her.” Ginny said to Draco as she pulled her wand from her pocket.

Draco's eyes widened at the thought of that hex combined with a broken nose, wincing as Ginny pointed her wand directly at his nose.

“ _Episkey_.”Ginny said, smiling in sick satisfaction as Draco let out a yell when his nose snapped back into place.

“Ouch.” Blaise said, letting out a low whistle. “Should we still drink without her?”

“Of course.” Ginny snapped. “The point of giving her alone time was to make her feel better. If she comes downstairs to find us not acting normal she'll go right back upstairs again.”

Draco and Blaise shared a look, wondering if this was how all girls minds worked, but neither commented.

“Pour me a drink.” Draco said to Blaise. “I'm changing out of these bloody clothes.”

Blaise nodded, watching as Draco disappeared up the stairs, before turning to Ginny.

“I suppose it's out of the question for me to go up and see if Granger's okay?” He asked.

Ginny let out a sigh, which vaguely resembled a growl, and shook her head as she muttered something about how ridiculously small minded boys were. Blaise took that as a no so resumed his usual seat on the sofa and poured four glasses of Firewhiskey. He picked up two from the table and handed one to Ginny when she sat beside him.

“Is Granger going to be okay?” Blaise asked with a small hint of worry that was not lost on Ginny.

“I hope so.” Ginny replied quietly. “I just wish she wouldn't shut herself away from me. She was there for me for my birthday in August when I was feeling exactly the same as her and I want to do the same.”

“Unless you want a broken nose too, I'd advise staying away for now.” Blaise commented with a smirk.

“Thanks Zabini, didn't think of that.” Ginny replied sarcastically.

“Maybe she's trying to protect you.”

“What's that supposed to mean?”

“Well, she spent years protecting Potter and Weasley from all sorts of trouble and probable death the past year. Now she's putting all of that energy into protecting you and that probably includes emotional protection. She doesn't want to show you how much hurt she's going through with them not being here in an effort to protect your feelings.” Blaise explained, looking at Ginny like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Ginny raised an eyebrow. “That somehow makes sense.”

“Not all boys are incapable of understanding women.” Blaise replied with a wink.

Ginny scoffed in reply as Draco reappeared in the common room and threw himself onto the empty sofa.

“Should I go and apologise for what I said?” He asked.

“No.” Blaise and Ginny said together.

Draco let out a deep sigh and took one of the glasses of Firewhiskey from the coffee table.

“Weasley, do I smell cake?” Blaise asked after five minutes of silence.

Ginny let out a small laugh and pulled the slice of cake from her pocket, handing it over to Blaise. Hermione probably wouldn't want to eat it anyway.


	8. kiss with a fist

_ Kiss With A Fist - Florence + the Machine _

**September 21st 1998**

  
Two days had gone by and Hermione hadn't spoken to anyone.

Ginny tried to catch her at breakfast and lunch on Sunday but as soon as Hermione saw her coming, she would get up and leave the table, leaving Ginny to eat alone. By the time dinner came around Blaise had invited her to sit with him and Draco at the Slytherin table and, as the three of them had walked through the castle towards the Great Hall, Ginny grudgingly accepted.

“Can you see her?” Ginny had asked the two boys as she looked over to the Gryffindor table.

“No,” Blaise replied. “She might not have left our dorm yet.”

Ginny had let out a sigh as she piled food onto her plate, ignoring the stares that she was getting from the majority of the students in the Hall.

The Slytherin students sent her glares whenever she looked around at them.

“Maybe I shouldn't have sat with you.” She grumbled through a mouthful of mashed potatoes.

“Ignore them, Ginny.” Blaise said softly.

Hermione didn't turn up for Breakfast Monday morning either.

Ginny, Blaise, and Draco made their way to their first class of the day, wondering if they should have hunted Hermione down and dragged her out of hiding.

“We did the right thing.” Ginny insisted as they walked down the corridor. “She needed space. She won't miss classes so we'll know if she's alive or not in the next ten minutes.”

“I hope you're right. If not, we're blowing down her door and barging in to make sure she's okay.” Blaise said, a determined look on his face, which had Ginny looking up at him as if he had three heads. She hadn't expected either of the Slytherins to be so worried about Hermione but Blaise was almost acting... protective of her.

The three sat down in their Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom, Ginny sitting with the two boys for a change, and waited for Hermione to appear. Ginny saved a seat in preparation for her arrival and waited with bated breath for the witch to run through the doors.

When Professor Switch, one of the newly appointed professors this year, started the lesson five minutes later, with no sign of Hermione, Ginny's shoulders slumped.

A strong hand gripped her thigh and gave her a comforting squeeze. “We'll go and see her after this.”

Ginny nodded and tried to pay attention to what Professor Switch was saying at the front of the classroom.

“As part of your advanced training in this subject it is my belief, as well as the Headmistresses', that you are well trained in the art of duelling.” Professor Switch said as she wrote a number of spells on the blackboard with a wave of her wand. “Though I hope that you should never need to use them it is unrealistic for me to believe that you should not be taught how to duel.”

At that moment Hermione burst through the classroom door and was met by stares from every student.

“Sorry I'm late.” Hermione said breathlessly.

“Take a seat, Miss Granger.” Professor Switch said as she gestured to the spare seat beside Ginny.

Not a word was said as she sat down next to the three people she had been ignoring for the past two days.

“As I was saying, we will spend the next four weeks practicing the art of duelling. Pick your partner wisely, you will be working with them for the duration of the next month.” The professor said as whispers erupted from the students as they negotiated partners.

Hermione turned to Ginny, somewhat reluctant to have to duel anyone, but before she could ask to be her partner, Blaise spoke.

“I call Weasley.” He said with a wink towards the red head sat on his left hand side.

“Bring it on, Zabini.” Ginny replied with a challenging smile.

Hermione almost let out a groan when she saw Draco looking at her with an expectant smirk, until she realised that this was the perfect opportunity to hex him to her hearts content. She was still pissed off at him for the other day.

“Malfoy.” She said with a nod. He only continued to smirk in return.

“Now that you have picked your partners, we will move to the empty classroom next door so that we have ample space.” Professor Switch stated.

The students filed out, some more excited at the prospect of practical magic than others, and made their way into the much larger classroom.

All of the tables had been removed and everyone found a space to duel in. Draco led Hermione to the far end of the room and stopped when they reached a large empty space by the window.

He turned to her and opened his mouth to speak, perhaps apologise or clear the air before they started shooting spells, but she was quicker. He barely had time to react to the Stunning Spell that she sent his way, ducking to the side as it whistled past his right ear.

“We haven't started yet, Granger.” He accused with gritted teeth.

She shot him a sickly sweet smile in reply and bowed, waiting for him to bow back, before lifting her wand and sending two more non-verbal Stunning Spells at him.

Draco was ready this time and cast a Shield Charm, watching as her spells rebounded and hit the wall behind her head, but her reflexes were far better than he ever expected.

He was currently on the defensive, she on the offensive, and it made his skin crawl as he could feel the control slip through his fingers. After months of being on the receiving end of Unforgivables in his own home during Voldemort's stint in power Draco had hated being out of control.

When Professor Switch first told the class that they would be duelling, Draco promised himself that he wouldn't lose control and would duel safely, but now that Hermione was taking all of her anger and aggression out on him - reminiscent of how his Aunt Bellatrix used to _Crucio_ him after a stressful day - he couldn't help himself.

He rolled out the way of another Stunning Spell and flicked his wand towards Hermione in his first offensive spell.

“ _Confringo_!” He shouted.

The sudden switch to attack caught her by surprise and she wasn't quick enough to move completely out of the way. The hex caught her left shoulder and she was slammed into the wall, falling to her knees, and the force knocked the air from her lungs.

Draco's eyes widened when he realised that he had probably hurt Hermione and he quickly stood from the floor to go over to her side.

“ _Incarcerous_!” She shouted when she had caught her breath.

Draco felt the restriction of ropes twist themselves around his body and fell to his knees as he watched Hermione remove her robes, leaving her in her shirt and skirt, before he grasped his wand to release the bonds keeping him held down. He loosened his tie as he cast a Shield Charm to protect him from another onslaught of Stunning Spells and similarly discarded his outer robe so that he was less restricted.

Draco fired another two _Confringos_ at Hermione but she was more prepared this time and deflected them right back towards him. Unprepared for the second rebounded hex, Draco was knocked off his feet, landing below the windowsill. Another Stunning Spell shattered the glass above his head and Draco used his arms to cover himself as best he could from the falling glass.

He could tell that Hermione was losing control now, her spells sporadic and poorly aimed, and he needed to calm her down before she, or both of them, completely lost control of their actions and seriously hurt one another.

“Granger!” He shouted as he got to his feet, glass crunching beneath his shoes, throwing a Stunning Spell her way. “You can stop now!”

“Scared, Malfoy?!” She shouted back, blocking his spell.

“Bloody terrified!” He shouted back just as she hit him with a Jelly Legs Jinx. As he fell to the floor and felt shards of glass pierce his skin, he let out a small sigh of relief at her use of a less harmful spell.

“ _Expelliarmus_!” Two voices shouted, tearing Hermione and Draco's attention away from their duel as their wands flew through the air and were caught by two hands.

Ginny and Blaise stood a few feet away from them; Blaise looked somewhat terrified at the scene but Ginny was fuming, steam practically flowing from her ears.

“What the bloody hell are you two playing at?!” Ginny yelled as she stepped closer.

Hermione slumped to the floor, clutching her left shoulder, and Draco saw that her knees were bleeding. He stood, Blaise having given him back the use of his legs, and assessed his own injuries in an attempt to find out why his white shirt was spotted red with his own blood.

“You looked like you had both gone mad!” Ginny shouted as she cleaned up the broken glass and fixed the window with her wand.

“I don't know what came over me.” Hermione whispered as she stood up to face Ginny.

Draco didn't say a word. Ginny was looking back and forth between the two with an expectant look on her face, waiting for them to apologise to each other or at least say something.

“Granger,” Blaise said after a minute of silence. “You should see Madam Pomfrey about that shoulder.”

He received a glare from Ginny but he ignored it.

“Draco you should go too, you have some nasty looking cuts.” He continued as he pointed to the seeping patch of blood on the back of Draco's shirt.

“What about Professor Switch?” Hermione asked as she frantically looked around the room for the professor, worried that she was going to be angry about how she and Draco had just acted towards each other.

“She had to take another student to Madam Pomfrey when a stray Bat-Bogey hex hit them.” Blaise said with a smirk in Ginny's direction. “They weren't hurt but they were hysterical and needed a Calming Draught. I don't think she saw any of the carnage you two were creating.”

Hermione nodded and walked silently away from Ginny and Blaise, Draco following behind her, so that they could go to the hospital wing.

Luckily it wasn't far, but Hermione was beginning to feel the effects of their duel the further they walked and the more her anger fuelled adrenaline spike subsided. She was pretty sure her shoulder was dislocated when Draco's hex hit it and the guilt was sinking in at the sight of his blood soaked shirt.

“Granger-.”

“Malfoy-.”

They both blurted out at the same time, turning to face one another in the empty corridor.

Hermione let out a small laugh while Draco smirked.

“I shouldn't have done any of that.” Hermione said, hanging her head so that she wouldn't have to look at him.

“I should've kept calm when you started on the offensive.” Draco replied, placing two fingers under Hermione's chin so that he could tilt her head back and look into her eyes. “If I hadn't lost control, you wouldn't have carried on with your rampage that long.”

Hermione laughed, her face flushing with embarrassment.

“I still shouldn't have done it. I turned an educational duel into a personal attack.” She whispered.

“I probably deserved it.” He mock whispered back.

Hermione smiled, a genuine smile that reached her eyes, and Draco couldn't help himself. He leant in, bending slightly so that he was closer to Hermione's height, and pressed his lips against her skin.


	9. are we there yet

_ Are We There Yet - Ingrid Michaelson _

**September 21st 1998**

Hermione smiled, a genuine smile that reached her eyes, and Draco couldn't help himself. He leant in, bending slightly so that he was closer to Hermione's height, and pressed his lips against her skin.

“That's the Granger I was talking about. Strong, independent, fierce.” He whispered in her ear as his hand cupped her jaw. “Welcome back.”

Hermione went to shove him away. Her cheeks were burning at his proximity and his scent invading her nostrils in a way that made her lightheaded enough to make bad decisions. Like grabbing him by the back of the neck and snogging his face off. But in lifting her left arm she let out a strangled yell and Draco immediately pulled back.

“Shit, let's go to Madam Pomfrey, I think that shoulder is dislocated.” He said, concern etched across his face when he realised that he'd injured her this badly.

“Yeah.” Hermione agreed quietly as she attempted to stop the tears of pain from dripping down her face and clear the black spots from her vision.

Draco placed a gentle hand on Hermione's lower back as they walked the rest of the way to the hospital wing, giving her a gentle push when she hesitated as he opened the door for her.

They were met by the shocked face of Madam Pomfrey and the angry face of Professor Switch as they walked in looking extremely disheveled and badly hurt.

“What, in the name of Merlin, happened to the pair of you?” Professor Switch asked sharply.

Draco and Hermione shared a quick look of panic, wondering what excuse they could come up with.

“We...” Hermione began, hesitating slightly.

“I got carried away.” Draco said quickly. “It was my fault, Professor.”

“No, Professor, that's not true.” Hermione said, sending a questioning look to Draco. “I started it. Malfoy was only defending himself against my attack.”

“Professor, it was my fault. Granger is simply trying to-.”

“Enough.” Professor Switch said as she cut them off by holding her hand up. “Ten points from Slytherin and Gryffindor for your recklessness. Headmistress McGonagall will also be hearing about this.”

The Professor left the room, leaving Madam Pomfrey to fuss over the two injured students. Much to Hermione's surprise, and Draco's insistence, she was healed first and left only with a dull ache in her left shoulder and bandages on her knees.

Hermione insisted on waiting for Draco and sat in the chair next to his bed while Madam Pomfrey left to get the Essence of Dittany.

When she had rid Draco of his shirt Madam Pomfrey had remarked that she was surprised he hadn't passed out from the loss of blood or the pain that the cut must have cause him.

“I'm sorry I did that to you.” Hermione said with a small gasp when she stood up and saw how deep the cut was. Draco hissed when he felt her cold fingers brush the bare skin of his back.

“It wasn't you, it was the glass from the window.” He replied, somewhat sarcastically, through gritted teeth.

“Malfoy,” Hermione whispered. “This must hurt like hell. Why did you insist that I get healed first?”

“I could see how much pain you were in.” He admitted quietly. “I can barely feel this.”

“You're an idiot.” She whispered, still tracing his back with gentle fingers.

The rushed steps of Madam Pomfrey brought Hermione back to her senses and she tore her hand away from Draco's skin before reclaiming the seat by his bed. His head was turned towards Hermione and he watched as a pink flush erupted on her cheeks, sending a smirk her way when she finally met his eyes.

Hermione rolled her eyes in response in an attempt to hide her embarrassment but she couldn't get the thoughts of what his bare chest looks like out of her mind. Or the feel of his muscular back beneath her fingers, how it would feel to run her hands down it, or scrape her fingernails across the skin as-

She shook her head to get those thoughts out of her mind and intently watched the healing process.

When Madam Pomfrey finished bandaging Draco's back she said that the two of them were free to go and left them alone.

Draco let out a small wince when he put his shirt back on and felt the painful tug of the fresh scar tissue on his back.

“Are you alright?” Hermione asked as she stood from the chair, taking a step closer to Draco.

“I'm fine, Granger.” He replied with a smirk as he did his buttons up.

The door to the hospital wing opened and they both turned to see who it was.

“Oh, no.” Hermione whispered.

“Miss Granger, Mr Malfoy, with me.” McGonagall snapped, not waiting for them to reply before she turned and swept out into the corridor.

Hermione and Draco shared a quick look before they hurried after the, clearly raging, Headmistress.

Five minutes later they were seated across the desk from a very stern looking McGonagall.

“As I understand it,” McGonagall began, “the pair of you had a disagreement over the weekend and that carried through to your Defence Against the Dark Arts lesson?”

“It was my fault, Headmistress.” Hermione said immediately. “I was angry at Malfoy for something he said to me and I used our duel as an attack. It was irresponsible of me.”

“Correct, Miss Granger.”

Hermione's head bowed in shame, hating that she'd let her anger get the better of her, and in doing so had disappointed one of the people she respected the most.

“I was also at fault.” Draco admitted as he watched Hermione's head dip down. “I could have simply blocked the spells and waited until Granger calmed down but I retaliated.”

“How noble of you, Mr Malfoy.” McGonagall said, almost sarcastically. “The pair of you are already here as a punishment and, despite your reckless and dangerous behaviour today, you haven't broken your terms of agreement. Therefore, there is not much I can do to punish you for this.”

Draco and Hermione both lifted their gaze to McGonagall in surprise.

“I could give you detentions or I could take away more House points but I'm afraid it would do no good. I know the both of you and I believe that you have learned from this mistake.”

They both nodded at the Headmistresses words.

“All I want from the two of you is for you to show me that you have learned from your mistakes.”

“Yes, Headmistress.” They promised in unison.

“You may go, Mr Malfoy.” McGonagall said. “Miss Granger, I would like a word alone.”

Draco furrowed his brow and hesitated for a moment before leaving Hermione alone. He waited on the stairs for her to come out so they could walk to the Great Hall for lunch together.

A few minutes later Hermione appeared and a small smile crossed her face when she saw Draco waiting for her.

“Everything okay?” He asked.

Hermione nodded as she looked away from Draco's gaze. “She just wanted to know if I was okay. She heard about how I'd been acting the past couple of days.”

Draco let a small smile cross his features when he saw how sheepish Hermione looked but soon let it fade away when she finally met his eyes.

“I'm sorry.” She whispered.

“Don't apologise.” He said quickly. “It wasn't my place to say those things to you.”

Hermione smiled. “You're wrong. You told me exactly what I needed to hear I just wasn't prepared to listen.”

“I was still out of line. I can't understand your grief and I tried to pretend that I did.” Draco said as they began walking down to the Great Hall.

Much to Draco's surprise Hermione slipped her arm around his elbow, reminiscent of something that close friends might do, as they walked down the stairs.

He didn't pull away from her touch but he kept his hands safely in his pockets.

“Someone told me recently that grief is a funny thing.” She said quietly after a moment of thought. “It's true. I didn't know that I was grieving for Harry and Ron, having denied any explanation that includes them not being alive anymore, until you told me that I need to learn to live without them.”

Draco looked down at the top of Hermione's head, noticing that her eyes trained forwards as she spoke, and didn't miss the wistful smile on her face.

She continued. “The past two days have been my way of accepting the fact that they could be gone, maybe forever, whether they are alive or not. When I finally saw you again this morning, I thought I was still angry for what you said, but I wasn't. I think, more than anything, I was angry at myself for shutting you out.”

“I don't blame you for shutting anyone out, especially me.” Draco replied, gently nudging her shoulder with his own in a playful manner. He saw the smile spread across her face and felt the corners of his own mouth lift slightly.

“I am sorry.” Hermione said once more as she used her hold on Draco's arm to pull them to a stop outside the Great Hall.

They could hear the muffled chatter coming through the doors as they stood looking at one another.

“Come on, Granger, I've had enough of your grovelling.” Draco smirked, tugging her along by the arm and opening the doors to the Great Hall with his free hand. “I have to say though, your duelling skills are impressive.”

Hermione let out a laugh and elbowed him in the ribs as Draco led them towards the Slytherin table.

Ginny and Blaise, who had been wondering whether the other two would even show up for lunch, watched the cheerful exchange with surprised expressions.

Blaise leant closer to Ginny, not taking his eyes off Hermione and Draco, and whispered in her ear. “Am I seeing things?”

Ginny turned her head in reply, still looking in the same direction as Blaise. “If you are, I'm having the same hallucination.”

Hermione and Draco sat opposite Ginny and Blaise and ignored the shocked looks plastered across their faces.  
  



	10. breathe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !! TRIGGER WARNING: Eating Disorders !! This chapter has references to being sick after eating and losing weight in a way that could potentially be triggering for some people. I'm not sure if this warning is completely necessary because it isn't directly in reference to any eating disorders but better safe than sorry! You should be able to simply skip this chapter if you want and not miss out on too much information.

_ Breathe (2AM) - Anna Nalick _

**15th October 1998**   
  


“Eat, Granger.” Draco said to her with a low grumble. He had sat patiently watching her play with a roast potato for ten minutes but he’d clearly had enough.

“I'm not hungry.” She replied in a faraway tone as she picked at the roast potato on her plate.

“When was the last time you ate?” Draco asked with a raised eyebrow.

“I had breakfast.” Hermione muttered dismissively.

“Eat.” Draco hissed.

Not wanting to cause a scene in the middle of the Great Hall Hermione put the roast potato into her mouth and chewed. She could feel Draco's eyes on her as she did and, before he could say anything else, she swallowed the potato and ate a carrot too.

Somewhat satisfied Draco turned his eyes back to the conversation that Ginny and Blaise were having. Out of the corner of her eye Hermione noticed Draco sending glances her way every minute or so and she ate a bit more so that he wouldn't bring up the subject again.

Hermione knew that he'd noticed how thin she was and despite doing her best the last couple of months to put all the weight she'd lost during the war back on, and almost being able to fit in her old uniform properly, her appetite had vanished over the past few weeks. Whenever she had eaten a full meal she'd soon felt unbearably sick, most of the time had vomitted everything right back up, so now all of her hard work had gone down the toilet - literally.

She hadn't wanted to worry the other three so most mealtimes she ate a few bites and then proceeded to play with her food so they wouldn't notice. Mostly for Draco's sake, as she knew it would bother him, and she didn't want him to ask questions. If he knew this had started after their duel he would probably feel guilty and she didn't want him to, it wasn't his fault, so she kept it to herself.

As she swallowed another bite of her dinner the familiar pain in her stomach returned.

“I'll meet you back at the dormitory.” She muttered to the other three, not wanting them to know that she was about to be sick for the second time that day, and quickly stood up from the table so she could rush out of the Great Hall.

Once she was clear of the Great Hall Hermione broke out into a run, which was a huge mistake, and she almost stumbled when the pain quickly got worse. Instead of going all the way back to their dormitory she hurried into the nearest Girl's bathroom and fell to her knees in one of the stalls.

As she lifted her head and opened her eyes so that she could flush away the evidence she noticed, and proceeded to ignore with the pull of the chain, the spots of blood staining the white porcelain.

When Hermione arrived back at the dormitory, with shaking fingers and black spots clouding her vision, she was met by three concerned faces.

“What?” She asked, feigning innocence.

“What's wrong, Mione?” Ginny asked, crossing her arms over her chest. The gesture told Hermione that the red head was not going to take any bullshit and she let out a sigh.

“I've not been feeling well.” Hermione said with a tone of annoyance. “I didn't want to tell you that I was about to be sick when I left the table.”

Draco stood and crossed the room, any trace of annoyance at her abrupt departure and strange behaviour gone, his face now etched with concern.

“Do you want me to take you to Madam Pomfrey?” He asked as he looked down at her pale and clammy complexion.

“No, Malfoy, I'm fine.” Hermione said. “A bit tired, I think I'll just go to bed.”

“You don't look well, Granger.” Draco insisted as he took hold of Hermione's wrist. He could feel her pulse racing beneath his fingertips. “You're pale and you're shaking. When was the last time you ate a proper meal that you didn't bring back up?”

“I'm tired, Malfoy, that's it.” Hermione growled as she tried to shake out of his grip.

“Fine.” Draco snapped, quickly dropping her wrist, and walked back to sit on the sofa.

Ginny and Blaise were watching the interaction with concern evident in their creased brows but didn't stop Hermione when she stormed from the common room and went up to bed.

“Something's wrong with Granger.” Blaise said. “Should we leave her like last time?”

“We'll give her until the morning.” Ginny said. “She's stubborn but she's not an idiot, if she's sick she'll see Madam Pomfrey before it gets serious.”

A few hours later, when everyone else had gone to bed and were presumably fast asleep, a sharp pain in Hermione's stomach woke her from her light sleep. Feeling the familiar urge to be sick she quickly ran down from her bedroom and up towards the bathroom. She made it just in time to watch the blood land neatly in the toilet.

Finally Hermione admitted to herself that something was wrong, she really was throwing up blood this time, and she needed to get to the Hospital Wing as soon as possible.

The problem was that she could barely sit up on her knees without her ears ringing and her head spinning. She had no way of getting out of the bathroom, let alone through the castle, without passing out.

In an effort to calm her racing pulse and stop her head from spinning, Hermione lay her head on the cold tiles, and considered her options.

She could try and shout for Ginny to come and take her to the Hospital Wing but her throat hurt too much and she could barely make a sound.

If she stood and made an attempt to walk through the castle alone she could pass out in a corridor where no one would find her until the morning.

At least if she waited in the bathroom one of the other three were bound to find her sooner than that and they would help her.

But when another pain ripped through her stomach, and she could barely turn her head to the side as the blood came rushing out of her throat, Hermione knew she had to get someone's attention sooner rather than later. She had to make noise.

In her pained and drained state, the only thing Hermione could thing of was to _Bombarda_ the door off its hinges and hope that the sound would send someone her way. What she didn't consider was a protection spell to cover her in case any debris flew back at her.

Gripping her wand tightly and covering her head with her arm, Hermione pointed her wand and cast the spell as loud as she could. The sound of splintering wood was punctuated with shattering glass and, before she felt the sting of cut skin, Hermione knew that her spell hadn't been as well aimed as she thought.

The hopeful notion that at least one person had heard that was the last thought that crossed her mind before she blacked out.

Draco woke with a start.

He'd been having a restless sleep as it was, the beginnings of a nightmare creeping into his subconscious, so when he heard a faint explosion he was pulled from sleep and his body jolted upright. He plucked his wand from under his pillow and as he left his bedroom the first thing he noticed was that Hermione's door was open.

“ _Lumos_.” He whispered as he peered around her door, shining the light inside, and cursed under his breath when he saw the empty bed.

Ginny and Blaise poked their heads out of their own doors as Draco made his way over to the stairs.

“Did you hear that, too?” Blaise asked Ginny as they followed Draco down the stairs.

“The loud 'bang'? Yes, I heard it.” Ginny replied sarcastically.

Ginny, annoyed that she'd been woken up, stepped into the common room, usually the warmest and cosiest room, shivered and her annoyance rose as she cursed herself for not putting her dressing gown on before coming downstairs.

Blaise, seeing the goosebumps rise on Ginny's skin, quickly took his jumper off, having thrown it on before leaving his room, and handed it over to her. She shot him a quick smile as they followed Draco to the middle staircase and threw it on over her nightgown.

Draco, his wand still lit, cursed under his breath when he saw the wrecked door at the top of the stairs and ignored the shards of glass that crunched under his bare feet as he raced into the bathroom. His sure steps faltered when he saw Hermione's frail body curled up on the floor and covered in blood.

But the gasps behind him urged him forwards once more and he picked Hermione up from the floor, cradling her limp body to his chest.

“We need to get her to Pomfrey. Now.” Draco snapped as he pushed past the two frozen figures standing on the stairs.

No one bothered with shoes as they raced through the common room to their portrait hole and they didn't stop to think about what they looked like; four half dressed students, two covered in blood, and one unconscious.


	11. chasing cars

_Chasing Cars - The Wind and the Wave_

**16th October 1998**

“What happened?” McGonagall asked an hour later, her hair in an unusually messy bun at the nape of her neck, sporting a tartan green dressing gown.

Draco, who was getting the glass removed from the bottom of his feet by Madam Pomfrey, was too busy gritting his teeth to answer. The situation reminded him of when he had pulled the glass from Hermione's feet that first week of school. He realised how well she'd handled the pain and wondered if that was why she had gone so long without saying anything about this. Either that or Pomfrey had it in for him and was purposely making it hurt like a bitch.

Ginny, sitting in the chair between Draco and Hermione's bed, was trying to hold back tears so also kept her mouth shut for fear of letting sobs out as opposed to words.

Blaise, who, unlike Draco, had thought to grab his cloak from the hook on the back of the main door, pulled it tighter around his bare chest and cleared his throat.

“Granger told us last night that she'd been feeling sick for a while now.” He began, glancing at Ginny. “We found her passed out in the bathroom with the door blown of its hinges. We think she was too weak to get up but knew she needed to get our attention somehow.”

“She must have misjudged her aim.” Draco said with a grunt as Madam Pomfrey removed the last shard of glass from his right foot. “Half the bathroom was blown to pieces.”

The Headmistress looked over to the girl, lying unconscious between hospital sheets, and noticed how frail she looked.

“What was wrong with her, Poppy?” McGonagall asked.

“What muggles call a stomach ulcer, I suspect. All the stress Miss Granger has endured in recent times may have been the cause. It is often seen in victims of the Cruciatus Curse and can go undiagnosed for months if it doesn't rupture. I think her recent duel agitated it and caused her discomfort.” Madam Pomfrey replied as she healed Draco's feet with her wand and bandaged them. “All done, Mr Malfoy. Miss Granger has apparently lost her appetite recently and has been vomiting most of the food she eats. From what I could see the ulcer finally ruptured tonight and that's why she was vomiting blood.”

A small sob filled the otherwise empty Hospital Wing and Blaise swept over to Ginny's side.

“She's going to be fine.” He whispered in her ear as he rubbed her back.

“I should've known something was wrong.” Ginny mumbled. “How did I miss it?”

“Miss Granger, though extremely bright, is exceptionally stubborn.” McGonagall said, much to the surprise of the three students. “She has suffered an insurmountable amount of stress for someone her age but had learnt to mask it during the war. It is no surprise to me that she pushed this to the back of her mind. Thankfully Madam Pomfrey has now resolved the issue but we will be putting her on bed rest for the next two weeks so that she can fully recover.”

Ginny, Blaise, and Draco nodded at the Headmistresses words.

“The three of you should get to bed, you can see Miss Granger in the morning.” McGonagall said, giving Ginny a comforting squeeze on the shoulder.

“Actually, Minerva, I think Mr Malfoy should stay off his feet until the morning.” Madam Pomfrey said, sending Draco a quick smile.

“Very well. Mr Zabini please make sure Miss Weasley gets a cup of tea before she goes to bed, it may make her feel better.” McGonagall said before leaving the Hospital Wing.

“Come on, Gin.” Blaise said quietly as he pulled Ginny up from the chair. “I bet I can get Winky to hand over some chocolate biscuits too.”

“We'll come back in the morning.” Ginny said to Draco, sniffling into the sleeve of Blaise's jumper.

Soon it was just Hermione and Draco left. And Madam Pomfrey.

“She needs rest, Mr Malfoy.” Madam Pomfrey said with a stern look. “But I thought you would appreciate being with her if she were to wake. Should she wake up I would appreciate it if you inform me straight away, I have some more potions I would like her to take.”

Draco nodded as she retreated to her office.

He turned over in the bed, pulling the covers over his body, and looked at the brown haired witch in the bed next to him.

“Why are you so bloody stubborn, Granger?” Draco hissed under his breath. “I thought... Merlin, I thought you'd fucking died.”

An emotion, one that Draco was somewhat unfamiliar with, uncontrollably washed over him as he considered what he would have done if Hermione had died. It was all consuming, crushing, constricting, and he felt as though he could barely breathe just thinking about it.

Before he let his, somewhat unnecessary and unexpected, emotions get the better of him he threw the covers off and swung his legs over the edge of the bed before crossing the gap over to Hermione's bedside. He carefully sat down on the edge of her bed and placed a hand on her arm.

Just by touching her arm he could breathe a little easier.

She was covered in tiny scratches, mostly healed thanks to Madam Pomfrey, and still dressed in her bloodstained nightgown but Draco thought she'd never looked more... well he wasn't sure of the word he was looking for.

Perhaps it was the way the moonlight streamed through the window and lit her in an ethereal glow, or the way she looked the most peaceful and calm that Draco had ever seen her look before. Maybe it was even the way Draco felt - relieved that she was alive - that made her look different to him in that moment.

Being as careful as he could not to move her too much or put her in any pain, Draco lay down by Hermione's side and placed his hand over hers. For once her fingers were colder than his.

He could breathe properly again.

Hours later, during a peaceful and dreamless sleep, Draco was woken up by a soft question.

“Malfoy?” Hermione asked, a whimper coming out of her throat when she tried to turn onto her side. “Malfoy, why are you in bed with me?”

Out of the corner of her eye she could see that he was lying on his front with his head turned towards her, his platinum hair messed up and covering most of his face. She could also tell that her question had woken him but he didn't open his eyes.

“Granger,” Draco mumbled through his half asleep state. “Go back to sleep, you need to rest.”

“Why do I feel like I've been trampled by a Hippogriff?” Hermione asked as she shifted in the bed again.

“Because you're a stubborn witch who won't admit when she's sick.” Draco grunted into the pillow.

Slowly, in pieces, memories of what happened came back to Hermione. She mentally slapped herself for blowing the door off its hinges without looking but it must have worked because she recognised that they were actually in the Hospital Wing.

“I'm sorry.”’She whispered, squeezing the hand that was tightly grasping her own, and moved her head so that she could see Draco's face better.

Hermione thought that, with his hair a mess and his eyes heavy and half closed with sleep, he seemed less like the Draco she was used to. The lack of a negative emotion on his face made him look younger. “I didn't mean to cause a fuss. I really tried to bring myself here but I couldn't get off the floor.”

“Shut up, Granger. I've told you to rest.” Draco snapped.

Merlin, Hermione thought, he's grumpy in the mornings.

“I feel much better.” Hermione told him as she attempted to sit up.

“No, no, no, no, no.” Draco moaned as he placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and pushed her back down onto the pillows. “Will you just...?”

With a frustrated sigh he finally opened his eyes fully, aware that he wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep while she was like this, and got up from the bed. “Stay here. If you try to move I'll _Stupefy_ you.”

Hermione bit back a laugh and gently nodded. That was the Draco Malfoy she was used to; annoyed and scowling. Draco, grumbling under his breath, grabbed a blanket to wrap around his bare chest and went over to knock on Madam Pomfrey's door. Hermione heard them talk in brief, gentle whispers before they walked over to the side of her bed.

“Good morning, Miss Granger. Mr Malfoy tells me you're feeling better and are trying to get up. I'm afraid you're on bed rest for two weeks so you'll have to get used to staying where I can keep an eye on you.” Madam Pomfrey said as she pulled a few potions from her apron. “I need you to drink every last drop of these and then go back to sleep.”

She didn't wait around for Hermione to complain.

“Did she say two weeks? Of bed rest?!” Hermione asked Draco as he sat in the chair next to the bed.

“Yes, Granger.” Draco replied with a roll of his eyes as he began to open the potions and hand them over.

“But I feel fine.” Hermione grumbled as she drank each potion.

“I'm not going to argue with you.” Draco grumbled. “McGonagall's orders. If you have a problem with it you can take it up with her.”

Hermione sighed and drank the second to last potion with a frown. Just before Draco handed over the last bottle, which she recognised as Dreamless Sleep, the doors to the Hospital Wing burst open and Ginny and Blaise came rushing in.

“We noticed - you weren't - in bed and - we knew - you'd be here” Blaise explained as he spotted Draco, catching his breath as he spoke. But then Blaise caught sight of Hermione and straightened up. “Granger, you're awake!”

Before Hermione could even give him a smile he rushed over and pulled her in for a hug. She winced at the tug in her stomach, clearly still healing, but she wrapped her arms around Blaise anyway.

She hadn't considered how scared the three of them would have been when they found her passed out on the bathroom floor until this moment but, feeling the force of emotion rolling off of his shoulders, she knew that they would have had to have been bloody terrified for Blaise to hug her like this.

That, combined with the fact that Draco had slept by her side that night, made her see the Slytherins in a completely new light. Perhaps this was the start of an actual friendship, as opposed to mutual civility, between the four of them.

“Blaise,” Hermione whispered as he squeezed her harder. “You're crushing my bones a little.”

“Oh, sorry.” Blaise said as he quickly let her go and took a step back. “I'm just glad you're okay. You gave us a good scare last night.”

“He cried.” Ginny smirked as she came over to give Hermione a hug, much gentler than Blaise's hug, but with exactly the same emotion put into it.

“Weasley started it.” Blaise mumbled as he crossed his arms defensively across his chest.

“I didn't mean for you to be worried about me.” Hermione said as she looked at the three faces at the side of her bed. They were an odd bunch, she realised, but she really would consider them the closest friends she had right now.

“Next time, you'll tell us when something is wrong.” Draco said with a stern look.

“Definitely.” Ginny and Blaise said together.

“I promise.” Hermione said with a genuine smile.  
  



	12. ocean eyes

_ Ocean Eyes - Billie Eilish _

**21st October 1998**

Almost a whole week of bed rest later and Hermione was bored out of her mind. She had spoken to McGonagall after two days in an attempt to be let out of the Hospital Wing early but the Headmistress had insisted that she get the full two weeks of rest under the watchful eye of Madam Pomfrey.

Though it was quiet, due to the lack of Quidditch injuries being brought in as the stadium wasn't finished and the season hadn't started, Hermione almost selfishly wished that someone would injure themselves so she would have someone to talk to.

Ginny, Blaise and Draco joined her for lunch most days and made sure to visit every night after dinner, until curfew some nights, so that they could bring her any homework that was handed out and any books she may need to read to stay caught up. If there was one thing that Hermione enjoyed about bed rest it was all of the spare time she had to read and do homework.

They even visited her individually whenever they had a free hour during the day.

Blaise would often come armed with Wizard’s Chess and questions about Muggle board games to fill the time. Though they got along, Hermione couldn’t imagine that they could fill an hour of time with just talking, so she was glad that he brought a distraction.

“I think you'd like Monopoly the best.” Hermione had said one day when Blaise beat her for the third time in a row and danced around the Hospital Wing.

“Why is that, Granger?” He had asked.

“It's very competitive and you seem to like winning.” She had laughed. “I'll get it for you at some point.”

“You'd do that for me?” Blaise questioned.

“Of course, that's what friends do.” Hermione had replied with a roll of her eyes.

Ginny often came with cake in her pockets and gossip waiting to be spread.

“I heard Pansy Parkinson has disappeared.” She'd said on Monday as they shared a piece of chocolate cake. “The Slytherins seem to think she's ran off with a rich man. Something about wanting to get out of Britain and away from her Dark past.”

“Was it in the Prophet?” Hermione asked as she licked buttercream from her finger.

“Only a small piece. Since she's ex Dark side and not causing trouble they didn't see the need to make it big news.” Ginny said, thinking it over for a moment. “Blaise and Malfoy seemed a bit put out by the news.”

“Do they think it's true? That she ran off?”

“They said it was plausible. Malfoy said she only tried to sink her claws into him for his money and his name.” Ginny had scoffed. “I just hope it is true that she ran and nothing more... sinister. I never liked the girl but she was their friend. I wouldn't want them to find out something bad had happened.”

Hermione had nodded in agreement, also not wanting to find out that Pansy had done anything other than run away to marry rich, and the topic soon changed to other news that was filtering through the castle.

Draco spent the most time with Hermione in the hospital wing.

While Ginny and Blaise had stayed in the common room whenever they had homework to do, Draco would bring his down the Hospital Wing and spent hours writing essays and reading chapters of textbooks with Hermione. Sometimes they would get distracted and talk about anything other than homework but, both being dedicated to their studies, they would also happily slip into silence for hours with only the scratch of a quill and the sound of turning pages to fill the silence.

Tonight was no exception to the daily visits from all three of her roommates.

“I stole you a bowl of trifle, I know it's your favourite.” Ginny said as she sat on the bed, her back to the metal bars at the foot of the bed, and handed Hermione a bowl and a spoon.

“I do get fed here, Gin.” Hermione said with a smile. The first couple of days she’d only been allowed potions while her stomach healed but Madam Pomfrey had soon put her back on a proper diet. Three meals a day and a nutritional potion in the afternoon had done Hermione wonders - she was certain she’d fit into her old uniform by the end of her stint in the Hospital Wing. She placed the bowl on the bedside table and promised Ginny she would eat it later.

“Arithmancy tonight?” Draco asked as he held up a textbook and placed his bag on the floor.

“Yes,” Hermione replied with a groan. “I still haven't finished the essay.”

Blaise gasped, far too loudly for no one to laugh at his reaction. “Hermione Granger, Brightest Witch of her Age, Gryffindor Princess, hasn't finished her homework?”

“It's due next week, Blaise.” Draco smirked. “And it was only set yesterday. We don't have to worry about Granger yet.”

The boys, always hesitant at first but with encouragement from Ginny and Hermione in the form of patting, also sat on the bed. Blaise leant back against the metal bars at the foot next to Ginny, resting his left leg on the ground and his right on his left knee, while Draco stretched out next to Hermione with his back against her pillows.

It was a tight squeeze but Hermione always insisted that she preferred it that way as she thought that it felt more like being in the common room as opposed to the Hospital Wing.

“What do you say to Firewhiskey this weekend, Granger?” Blaise asked with a raised eyebrow.

In line with their tradition Blaise had tried to sneak the usual two bottle of Firewhiskey into the Hospital Wing last Saturday but Hermione had scolded him for it. She insisted that they couldn't risk getting caught and they should go back to the common room if they wanted to drink without her. They had stayed.

“Not this week I'm afraid.” Hermione replied. “I should probably lay off the Firewhiskey for a few weeks, it probably did no favours for my stomach.”

“Not this weekend.” Blaise agreed with a nod. “But I'll get you some Butterbeer for the weekend after for a welcome back party.”

Hermione rolled her eyes, agreeing so that she didn't have to argue with Blaise, and changed the subject. That didn’t stop the fond smile spread across her face at Blaise’s thoughtfulness.

It didn't feel like long before Madam Pomfrey came over with Hermione's evening potions and shooed the other three away. They hadn't realised they'd been talking for so long.

Ginny and Blaise agreed and stood up from the bed, assuring Hermione they'd be back at some point tomorrow, but Hermione grabbed Draco's hand before he could go. He looked over to her with a questioning look on his face and she gestured for him to stay. Complying, but moving from the bed to sit in the chair, he sat with Hermione while she took her potions, saving her Dreamless Sleep for when Draco left, and promised Madam Pomfrey he'd be gone soon.

“I wanted to ask you about the first night I was here.” Hermione said when Madam Pomfrey left them alone.

“What's on your mind, Granger?” Draco asked, slightly uncomfortable about her bringing it up. They hadn't mentioned the fact that he'd got into bed with her - until now he was assuming.

“You got into bed with me.” She said quietly.

“I did.” He answered bluntly, clearing his throat to hide how uncomfortable he was about the fact.

“Why?”

“I don't know.”

“Liar.”

They spent a minute staring each other down, Hermione too stubborn to let it go and Draco too stubborn to admit why he had got into bed with her.

“Why do you think I got into bed with you?” Draco asked, narrowing his eyes as he broke their silence.

“I've been thinking about it.” Hermione admitted, a smugness to her smirk that could rival Draco's on a good day. “I think you were worried about me.”

Draco scoffed. “Of course I was, Granger. I thought you'd bloody died at one point.”

“And you had to climb into bed with me to make sure I was alive?” Hermione asked with a raised brow.

“What do you want me to say, Granger?” Draco asked, almost in anger, as he rose from his seat.

“I want you to tell me what changed.” Hermione asked quietly. “For you to be worried enough to get into bed with me and not just worry from the bed that's a foot away.”

Draco knew what Hermione was asking but he couldn't admit it. He'd barely been aware of the choice he'd made when he slipped into bed with her that night. He'd just needed the physical touch to remind him that she was breathing, that she was warm, in order to keep the inevitable nightmares away.

If he had gone to sleep without her comfort he would have been plagued by nightmares of her dying in his arms, as opposed to the usual nightmares where she was tortured on the Manor floor while he was trapped behind bars, and he didn't think he could handle it. So he'd got into bed with her.

“Everything changed.” Draco muttered as he picked the Dreamless Sleep up from the bedside table and handed it to Hermione.

“That's not a proper answer.” Hermione grumbled but she knew that was all she was going to get from Draco so she took the potion and curled up on her side.

“Maybe I'll give you a real answer one day.” Draco said a few minutes later, brushing a curl away from Hermione's face, but he knew that she was already asleep and wouldn't hear his promise.  
  



	13. crush

_ Crush - Jennifer Page _

**November 18th 1998**

_“Tell me.” Hermione giggled as she sipped her Firewhiskey._

_“I'm not telling you.” Draco replied with a small shake of his head._

_Their eyes met and Hermione let out a shallow breath when she saw the fiery look in Draco's eyes._

_“Draco,” She whispered as she leant in closer. “Tell me.”_

_“I've been thinking about taking you on this sofa all year.” He replied under his breath, bending his head so that the warmth of his breath tickled Hermione's ear._

_She felt the heat rise in her cheek at the image of Draco bending her over the arm of the sofa, lifting her skirt, and sinking inside of her._

_“All you had to do was ask.” She said, breathless as her heated need pooled in her stomach._

_Draco only growled in reply, his teeth grazing her neck, and ripped Hermione's shirt from her body. As buttons flew across the room Hermione tipped her head back in pleasure, relishing the feel of Draco's tongue against the valley between her breasts._

_“Turn around.” He demanded as he undid the buckle of his belt._

_Hermione obeyed, turning on her knees, and draped her body off the side of the sofa. Her first moan escaped when she felt cool fingers brush along the outside of her hips, thumbs hooking into lacy material, and ridding her of her underwear. A cool breeze tickled her as Draco flipped her skirt and exposed her to him. She barely had time to think before he sunk in, his hands roughly pulling her up by her arms and pressing her bare back against the cotton of his shirt._

_“Fuck me, Granger, you feel divine.” He whispered in her ear and he traced her jaw with his tongue._

_Hermione's mind was clouded with pleasure but she didn't miss the way that he still never called her by her name._

_“Draco,” she moaned as one of his hands found its way to the perfect spot._

_“Granger.” He replied._

_“Call me Hermione.” She breathed, feeling everything as she reached her peak._

_“Granger!” Draco shouted louder, obviously ignoring her request. “Granger!”_

_Through the haze of pleasure, Hermione couldn't help but think that his shouts weren't as lust filled as she imagined them to be._

“Granger!” He shouted once more, roughly shoving one of her shoulders.

Her eyes shot open when she noticed the shift in atmosphere. Her breathing was heavy, sweat covered her chest, and her thighs were pressed together in an effort to find the friction she needed.

“Granger, what are you doing? Class starts in ten minutes.” Draco said with a puzzled look on his face.

He was stood a foot away from her, eyebrows raised at her flustered appearance, with a glint in his eyes.

“What?” She asked, still fuzzy from her dream.

“You slept through breakfast.” He said. “Are you feeling okay?”

Draco leaned in closer to her, looking into her eyes, as he pressed the back of his hand to Hermione's forehead.

She flinched at his touch, reminded of where his hands had been mere seconds before she had woken up, and pulled away from him to get up.

“Sorry.” She mumbled as she threw the covers off her body. “I must have overslept.”

“Some dream you were having.” She heard him mumble through a smirk.

“Shut it.” She hissed as she pulled a fresh set of uniform from her trunk.

“Was it good?” He asked. She turned to face him, ready to throw a hex his way, when she saw the shift in his eyes. “Was I good?”

She threw a shoe at him, which he dodged, and turned away as her cheeks flushed out of embarrassment.

“We have to leave in five minutes if you don't want to be late.” He said as he straightened up, holding back his amusement.

“Are you going to leave while I get dressed?” Hermione asked as she pointed to the door.

He smirked, clearly considering not leaving, but when she held up her other shoe he slipped through the door and left her alone. She heard him snickering to himself as he left.

After quickly using her wand to freshen up Hermione changed into her uniform and tied her hair away from her face. She picked her bag up from the floor and hurried out of her bedroom and down into the common room. She found Draco waiting by the main door, a piece of toast resting on a napkin in his hand.

“Thought you might be hungry.” He smirked, taking in her still flushed and flustered appearance as she walked over to where he was stood.

“Thanks.” She grumbled as she swiped the toast.

She hated the knowing smirk that was plastered across his features so she playfully shoved his shoulder and gestured to the door to tell him to get a move on. When he didn't move she simply left without him.

“Can you at least tell me if I was any good?” She heard him call after her.

Hermione shook her head and cursed her treacherous mind for dreaming of such things.

Since her two week stint in the Hospital Wing, Hermione and Draco had spent a lot more time together alone, not just as a four with Ginny and Blaise.

Their Saturday nights continued with a couple of bottles of Firewhiskey, though Hermione usually stuck to one glass, and a few hours of mindless chatter being the main focus. When Ginny would eventually fall asleep and Blaise would carry her to bed, Hermione found herself alone with Draco.

They would often stay awake for hours, alone in each others company, and simply discuss anything that came to mind. Sometimes it was schoolwork but one Saturday they were awake until 3am discussing the various pros and cons of each of the Defence Against the Dark Arts teachers they had had over the years.

Other nights Hermione would open up to Draco about how difficult it had been for her to adjust over the years, from finding out she was a witch, to spending summers isolated and alone from the Wizarding World, to losing her parents altogether. Since her birthday, Hermione hadn't gotten upset, but the night she told Draco about what she had done to her parents she had broken down in tears and once again let him hold her until she calmed down.

After months of bonding with each other, Hermione found that she was warming to Draco exponentially, much to her shocked, yet still pleasant, surprise.

Hermione and Ginny spent time on their own in their attic library, mostly on Sundays, and a week ago Hermione had admitted something.

“Gin?” She asked.

“Hmm.”

“Would you call me crazy if I said I thought I had feelings for someone?” Hermione asked carefully.

Ginny looked up from the book she was reading, searching Hermione's face for a sign of who she was referring to. Though it wasn't hard to guess.

“I wouldn't.” Ginny said honestly.

Hermione hadn't said anything more and Ginny didn't push, or need, her to. All Hermione needed was reassurance from her best friend that it was okay to move on from the war, move on from their failed search for Harry and Ron for now, and accept that things were getting back to normal.

As normal as they could be six months post war.

Now, Hermione felt the need to explain to Ginny who she had been referring to. Now, Hermione had to admit to herself that she had feelings for Draco. Now, Hermione had to admit that what she so had desperately wanted in her dream, to want Draco in every sense of the word, scared her to death.

“Where have you been?” Ginny asked when she saw Hermione hurry into her seat in the Potions classroom.

“Overslept.” Hermione replied as she took her books, quill, and parchment out of her bag and placed them on the desk.

“Malfoy was worried about you at breakfast.” Ginny said nonchalantly as Hermione pulled a pot of ink from her bag. The mention of Draco made Hermione fumble with the glass pot in her hands and in her flustered state, she dropped it, watching as it smashed across the Potions floor.

Thankfully Professor Slughorn wasn't paying attention so Hermione dragged Ginny from her stool so that they could have a more private conversation.

“What's wrong with you?” Ginny asked when she noticed how flushed Hermione was becoming.

“He came and woke me up this morning.” Hermione muttered as she pulled her wand from the waistband of her skirt.

“Who?”

“Malfoy.”

“And?”

Hermione blushed harder. “I was in the middle of a very realistic dream.”

Ginny was thoroughly confused.

“A dream about him.” Hermione whispered as she cleaned up the spilled ink and repaired the pot with her wand.

“A dream about Malfoy?” Ginny hissed.

“Yes.” Hermione admitted.

“What kind of dream?”

Hermione only had to give Ginny a meaningful look for her to understand, to which Ginny promptly burst into laughter. Hermione tried to hush her as much as she could but they were beginning to draw attention to themselves.

“Ginny, I'll tell you everything later. Please be quiet.” Hermione asked as she pulled them back up to sit on their stools.

Professor Slughorn was giving them an odd look but didn't make a comment, simply beginning the lesson and setting them a potion to begin brewing.

Hermione caught Draco's eye, ignoring Ginny's persistent giggles, and wondered how much he had really understood about her dream. The gleam in his eye suggested that he knew enough but she couldn't look away from his piercing gaze. She was entranced by the thought of it, of her dream becoming a reality, of what it would feel like to have Draco Malfoy's-

“Hermione, snap out of it.” Ginny said, clicking her fingers in front of Hermione's face to get her attention.

Hermione broke eye contact with Draco and followed Ginny to the ingredient cupboard so that they could begin the lesson's task.

Later, when Hermione had dragged Ginny to their usual hideout spot in the attic library, she filled Ginny in with the whole story about her dream, minus the really personal details, and how she was sure that Draco knew that it had involved him.

“Mione, you can admit it you now.” Ginny said once she finished.

“Admit what?” Hermione asked as a blush crept up her neck.

“I know you have feelings for him.” Ginny supplied.

“That's utterly ridiculous.”

“If you say so, but we both know I'm right. Even Blaise asked me if there was anything going on between the two of you.” Ginny said with a shrug.

Hermione's eyes widened. “Why?”

“He said that he'd asked Malfoy, who said there was nothing going on, but Blaise and I think different.” Ginny said with a mischievous smile.

“Well nothing is going on, nothing has gone on, it was only a dream, Gin.” Hermione muttered as she picked up a book from the nearest shelf.

“But you want something to happen?” Ginny pressed.

With a sigh Hermione dropped the book into her lap and laid back onto the cushions.

“I thought so.” Ginny replied before Hermione could answer.

“Would it be awful of me to say that I did want something to happen between us?”Hermione whispered.

“Not at all.” Ginny assured her. “You're allowed to live your life, Hermione. A couple of months ago I would have said different but being here, living life as if it were almost normal again, has made me see that we can't dwell on the past.”

Hermione sat up and looked at the fiery red head. “Are you saying that you believe it?”

Ginny shook her head slowly. “No. I'll never believe it until they find physical proof that they're gone. But we aren't allowed to do anything about it so I think it's time we moved on from wanting to find them. At least for now.”

Though Hermione had long since been working through her grief over the loss of her two best friends, thanks to Draco's harsh, yet much needed, words, she had never discussed her grieving with Ginny. They had put Hermione's two day isolation and magical outburst aside and continued as though it never happened.

Hermione had slowly learnt to deal with her grief in the months that had passed since then but in agreeing with Ginny, her partner in crime, that it was time to put the past behind them was another mountain to climb and another challenge to face.

“I'm scared, Ginny.” Hermione whispered after the words hand sunk in.

“So am I.” Ginny admitted as she took Hermione's hand in her own.

“It’s Malfoy.” Hermione said. “It’s mental - I’m mental.”

Ginny gave her a smile and squeezed her hand reassuringly. “He’s different. He’s not the same person we knew before. It's time we put the war behind us. It's over.”

“You're right.” Hermione nodded.


	14. lucky ones

  
_Lucky Ones - Lana Del Rey_

**November 21st 1998**

A soft snore filled the silence that had settled in the common room.

“That's my cue.” Blaise muttered under his breath as Hermione let out a small laugh.

Hermione watched as Blaise carefully picked up the sleeping red head and carried her up the stairs to the bedrooms.

“She's like clockwork.” Draco whispered into Hermione's ear, pointing to the clock on the wall.

He was right, Hermione thought with a small smile, Ginny always fell asleep at midnight.

It was quiet once more in the common room and Hermione poured half the remaining Firewhiskey into Draco's glass before finishing the rest off in her own.

“Trying to get me drunk, Granger?” Draco asked with a raised brow.

“You wish.” She muttered as she took a sip of the fiery liquid.

The truth was, though she would never admit this out loud, she was terrified to be alone with him. Despite spending months alone with him on a Saturday after Blaise took Ginny to bed and over homework during the week, ever since she had had that dream a few days ago, the thought of being around Draco set Hermione's cheeks ablaze and she could barely control her heartbeat.

Simply sitting on the sofa with him like this bought a faint pink blush to her cheeks when she remembered the dream.

“I feel as though you've been ignoring me.” Draco said, breaking the silence.

“I haven't.” Hermione said, too quickly for it to be the truth.

“I beg to differ. Ever since I woke you up the other morning you can barely look me in the eye.”

Hermione looked at him then as if to prove him wrong but, as she stared into his eyes, her breath caught in her throat and she took a sip of Firewhiskey to settle her racing heart.

“Granger, tell me what's bothering you.” Draco insisted as he absentmindedly leant closer to her and the smell of peppermint tickled her nostrils.

“I can't.” She whispered before she had the chance to stop herself.

“You can tell me anything.” He whispered back, absentmindedly reaching out to play with one of her loose curls.

“I had a dream about you.”

“I know.” He smirked.

Hermione raised an eyebrow at his reply. “How did you know?”

“You were mumbling when I walked in that morning. I said ‘Granger’ in an attempt to wake you up and you went ‘Call me Hermione’ in a very... suggestive way. It doesn't take a genius like me to figure out what kind of dream you were having.”

As Draco explained he continued to play with Hermione's curls and every so often his finger would gently graze along her jaw. Without realising Hermione had closed her eyes at the sensation and when Draco finished his explanation, and Hermione opened her eyes again, she saw that he was glancing at her lips. She flicked her tongue out to lick them, seeing his eyes flash at the movement, and leant in a little closer.

“Do you want me to tell you what it was about?” She whispered.

Draco, so-called Slytherin Sex God, couldn't speak. He simply nodded and waited to hear the words fall from Hermione's mouth. She leant in closer still, her lips pressed to his ear, and explained in salacious detail the dream that she had had about him.

Hermione heard the intake of breath that passed Draco's lips when she mentioned the position that they had been in and revelled in the sound, letting it wash over her in waves.

“Granger,” Draco breathed, his voice husky. “Who knew that beneath the good girl image there was a dirty mind.”

Hermione shoved his shoulder at the comment but let out a gasp when Draco took hold of her elbow and pulled her closer.

“Is this the first dream you've had about me?” Draco whispered, his face dangerously close to Hermione's, as he watched her lick her lips again.

“Yes.” She lied as a blush crept up her cheeks.

“Liar.” He muttered before closing the gap between their bodies.

Hermione had never considered what it would actually be like to kiss Draco Malfoy, never thought about how soft his lips would be, how good his breath would smell (like Peppermint Toads and Firewhiskey), where she would put her hands first. So when she saw that Draco was leaning closer to her, his eyes on her lips, she panicked.

The first few seconds of her first kiss with Draco would have been stiff if he didn’t hesitate mere inches from her; not the romantic kind of kiss that you would expect with fireworks erupting behind your eyelids from the moment lips met lips. But then, and Hermione credits this to the Firewhiskey running through her veins, her body seemed to take over and she was parting her lips in preparation.

“You know, Granger,” Draco said as the tip of his nose brushed with Hermione's. “I always find,” he placed a soft kiss on her nose, “that the best part,” a kiss to her jawline, “about a kiss,” just below her ear, “is the” her cheek, “build up,” the corner of her mouth, “the anticipation”.

Draco was waiting; biding his time, allowing Hermione to relax into this moment so that, when their lips met, they would melt into one another. His nose was gently brushing against hers as his sweet and spicy breath, tantalisingly cold and warm at the same time, hit her senses. She could almost taste it, taste him, and she thought it was something that she could see herself begging to taste - it was hypnotising.

“Wouldn't you agree?” He muttered, a breath away from their lips touching, she almost felt his lips move against hers. She let out an affirming breath, full of anticipation.

Just as the words, kiss me, Draco, were about to slip from Hermione's mouth he closed the distance and their lips touched. For a minute it was all whispers. Gentle closed mouth kisses as they each mentally decided how deep they wanted to fall into each other.

And then Draco slipped an arm around Hermione's waist, his hand spreading across her back to give him leverage, and he pressed their bodies closer together. The feel of a hard, warm body pressed against her own was enough for Hermione to let out a small moan, enough for her lips to part so that Draco could deepen the kiss.

Hermione let out another breathy moan as Draco used his body to push her back so she was lying down, pining her down with every inch of him. A strong hand gripped her right thigh, long fingers pressed into the tender flesh and sent heat rushing all through her body, and he opened her up so that he could press their hips together as their tongues danced between their mouths.

Without needing his guidance, Hermione hooked her right leg around Draco's waist and used the heel of her foot to press his hips in harder, to deepen the connection so that there was more friction. Her head tipped back, disconnecting their lips so that she could catch her breath, and he pressed hot, wet kisses to the exposed skin of her neck.

Draco sank his teeth in, nipping at the skin just below her jaw, and ran over the spot with his tongue. He continued this the length of her neck, moving further down her body with his lips, as his hand moved further up her right thigh.

“Malfoy.” Hermione whispered as the tips of his fingers brushed over the button of her jeans.

“Yes, Granger?” He replied, earning a small gasp from Hermione as his index finger dipped into her jeans in an effort to undo the button.

“I think we should stop now.” Hermione said, a blush rising in her cheeks as she imagined his finger travelling lower.

Draco kept the finger there, halting its journey, as he brought his face back up to meet her eyes.

“You want me to stop?” He whispered.

Hermione knew that she wanted to continue, her body (and her dreams) were telling her that she wanted all of him, but it didn't feel right. Not to mention that the guilt she felt, for feeling this way and doing these things, while her friends were potentially out there suffering was suffocating enough. She didn't need the guilt of giving herself to Draco to add to that. She was unsure if she even forgave him for his past yet, why would she want to do this with him?

“Yes.” She replied.

She saw it happen. Could see the familiar hardened features slip back onto Draco's face as she put an end to this. But she didn't do anything to take back the word, though it had been somewhat of a lie, wanting to put a stop to this for every reason besides the most important: she did want this.

Hermione knew she wanted it, it was confirmed when Draco pulled away, her body felt the loss of his pressed against her immediately.

“Let me know when you change your mind about me.” He said as he straightened his clothing and turned towards the stairs.

“What's that supposed to mean?” Hermione asked sharply.

“What I said, Granger.” Draco replied, a hint of bitterness on his tongue. “I know you want this but you're stuck in your head about it, in your opinions of who I still am.”

“You don't know that.” Hermione replied, standing up so that he didn't tower over her as much.

“I do.” He snapped. “You still think of me as the Death Eater with the blood prejudice determined to make your life a living hell. You're holding yourself back from something you want because you can't let it go.”

“It's not exactly easy for me to let it go, Malfoy.” Hermione said, equal amounts of bitterness in her tone now. “I'm reminded of the word you threw in my face everyday.”

She thrust her left arm out in front of her as a demonstration of her point, her sleeve covering half of the scar so that it only read ‘blood’.

“Don't you think I'm reminded of that everyday too?” Draco grabbed Hermione's wrist and pulled her closer, pushing her sleeve up so that the whole scar was visible. “It's ironic, don't you think, that the word to describe ‘dirty blood’ was carved into your arm and the act illustrated the exact opposite?”

Hermione snatched her arm away but when she spoke her voice was barely audible. “I don't understand.”

“All blood bleeds red, Granger. Yours and mine.” Draco said.

Hermione's eyebrows shot you in surprise. She could see Draco's jaw clenching and she longed to reach for him, to touch him, but he was already turning to go back up the stairs.

“Malfoy, I-.” Hermione tried, her voice cracking.

“Forget it, Granger.” He said, shaking his head. “Just let me know when you change your mind.”

And like that, he was gone.

Hermione sat up for another half an hour considering his words.

_All blood bleeds red._

She never expected a phrase like that to come out of Draco Malfoy's mouth.

He'd told her before that things had changed for him that day but it hadn't quite sunk in that he really meant it. It was in the first couple of weeks back at school and she just assumed it was something he said offhandedly, maybe even just so that they could be civil, she didn't even know what she thought it was. But she knew for sure that he'd meant it this time, they knew each other better, she had even begun to trust him a little bit.

There was no emptiness in the words he'd just said.

_All blood bleeds red._

It warmed her heart slightly and that in itself was disconcerting.

Was it really okay for her to have feelings for Draco?

They had hated each other for so long, the loathing that Draco felt towards Hermione was voiced more than enough during the years, but had things changed so drastically since then? Hermione couldn't comprehend how she herself had gone from detesting the ground that Draco walked on to wanting to kiss him. Let alone consider how Draco could go from hating everything that Hermione was; Brightest Witch of her Age, Gryffindor, Muggleborn.

But so far this year, since they all came back in September, he hadn't done anything or said anything derogatory towards her. He was actually quite... nice? Hermione knew he was making an effort with her, which she greatly appreciated, but these new opinions of him were foreign and they frazzled her brain.

She dragged herself to bed when her thoughts started going around in circles and decided that she would discuss matters with Ginny in the morning.


	15. the killing moon

_  
The Killing Moon - Echo & The Bunnymen _

**November 22nd 1998**

Draco barely had time to open his eyes that morning before Blaise got into bed with him.

“Blaise, one day I'm going to hex you when you get into bed with me.” Draco mumbled as he was elbowed in the ribs by his new bed mate.

“I heard Hermione sneak into Ginny's room for a girls chat and I wanted that with you.” Blaise replied as he made himself comfortable under the covers.

“Did you hear what they were talking about?” Draco momentarily forgot that Blaise had invited himself into his bed in favour of finding out what Hermione was currently telling Ginny.

In mock outrage, placing a hand on his chest, Blaise let out a loud gasp. “I never eavesdrop.”

Draco rolled his eyes and sat up against the headboard.

“What's going on between you and Granger?” Blaise asked after a moment of silence.

“Nothing.” Draco replied far too quickly.

“Look mate, I know you've been in-.”

A swift knee in the back pushed Blaise from the bed and he landed on the floor with a loud thud.

“There's no use denying it.” The wounded Slytherin mumbled from the floor.

“Nothing is going on.” Draco muttered with a scowl.

Blaise hauled himself up from the floor, using his forearms as leverage, and leant on the edge of the bed with his chin on his hands. The look that he was giving Draco said it all.

“You can look at me like that all you want.” Draco snarled as he turned away and got up from the bed.

“Did you, or did you not, kiss her last night?” Blaise asked with a raised brow.

Slowly, Draco turned on his heel to look at Blaise. “How did you know?”

“May or may not have heard Ginny shouting about it as I made my way into your bed.” Blaise smirked.

With a grunt Draco ignored him, picked up his towel so that he could go for a shower, and left Blaise alone in his bedroom.

As Blaise had crawled into Draco's bed that morning, a certain brown haired Gryffindor was also slipping in between the covers of a bed that wasn't her own.

“Well, Good Morning to you too.” The red head mumbled, still half asleep, as she snuggled closer to Hermione.

“I have something to tell you.” Hermione said as she poked Ginny's shoulder in an attempt to keep her awake.

“Can't it wait until a decent time of the morning?” Ginny grumbled as she sat up against her pillows.

“I kissed him.”

Ginny's eyes widened.

“YOU KISSED H-.”

Hermione cut her shouts short with a quick hand to the mouth.

“Are you trying to wake the boys?!” Hermione hissed. “Yes, I kissed him.”

“How? When? What? Why? Where?” Ginny rushed.

“Last night.”

“Who initiated the kiss?”

“Well, technically it was him, but I gave him plenty of signals. I think I flirted with him enough that it could be classed as me being the instigator.” Hermione said in a rush.

“But who leant in?”

“Definitely him.”

“What started it? How were you flirting?”

Hermione cheeks flushed. “I told him the details of my dream.”

Ginny's smile widened. “You told Draco Malfoy all of the details of your dirty dream? I have to say Mione, I'm shocked.”

“Why are you so shocked?”

“You've never been one for dirty talk.” Ginny muttered.

Hermione frowned slightly. “I wasn't dirty talking.”

Ginny gave her a look and Hermione put a hand over her own mouth to cover her shock.

“Merlin,” Hermione gasped. “I was so dirty talking.”

Ginny laughed at Hermione's naivety. “He obviously liked it. So, was it just a kiss? Or did he get the live demonstration of your dirty dream?”

Hermione didn't dignify Ginny's question with an answer but her feelings were made clear when a pillow whacked the red head across the face.

“I'll take that as a no.” Ginny mumbled from behind the pillow.

“We just kissed, Gin.” Hermione sighed.

“You sound... disappointed?”

“I stopped it before it went further.” Hermione muttered.

“But?”

“I don't know if I stopped it because I wanted to or if...” Hermione trailed off and laid back against the pillows, her head right next to Ginny's. “Or if I felt guilty.”

Ginny didn't say anything, waiting for Hermione to explain further.

“It didn't feel right.” Hermione said after a while. “Don't get me wrong, it was the best kiss I've ever had, but it felt like my mind was telling me that I'd be wrong for taking it any further.”

Ginny contemplated this for a few seconds before asking a delicate question. “Is this about Ron?”

Hermione shifted onto her side so that she could look at Ginny.

“I don't think so. I loved Ron, I still do, but it never would have gone anywhere. We may have had a fleeting romance when the war ended if things were different but I think I love him more like a brother. I love him like I love Harry. Besides, we had an argument after we kissed so if that isn't a sign that Malfoy and I are not meant to kiss then I don't know what is.” Hermione said, rushing the end part as she crossed her arms over her chest.

Ginny only nodded and Hermione saw the glisten in her eye as they spoke freely about the two boys that they had lost.

“Maybe you were feeling guilty about being happy with someone who you used to think was a prejudiced git?” Ginny whispered.

Having spent a lot of time together over the past six months Hermione knew when Ginny was hiding something and right now was no different. She knew that the red head was talking to herself at the same time.

“Sometimes... when I'm around Blaise,” Ginny continued, her voice thick and quiet, as she kept her eyes focused on the ceiling. “I feel happy and guilty at the same time.”

“Gin.” Hermione said as she laid a comforting hand on Ginny's arm. “You don't have to feel guilty if you like him.”

Ginny managed to crack a small smile as she looked at Hermione out the corner of her eye. “Are you telling me or yourself?”

Hermione let a reluctant smile cross her face when she realised what Ginny had done by telling her that she felt guilty for liking Blaise. That sly witch.

“Come on.” Ginny said as she cleared her throat and sat up. “Let's see if the other two are awake. I'm starving.”

“I'm going for a shower, I'll meet you in fifteen minutes.” Hermione said as she left the bedroom.

As she grabbed everything she needed from her own room, Hermione contemplated last nights events as well as the conversation she had with Ginny just now.

As she scurried up the stairs to the bathroom the unanswered questions, the problems that demanded to be solved, ran marathons inside her head and she didn't hear the bathroom door open a few steps ahead. She also didn't notice the blonde haired Slytherin forget his wand, that was always left within arms reach out of habit, and go back inside the bathroom to retrieve it.

Closing her eyes and shaking her head so that all of her thoughts would disappear before they drove her crazy, Hermione closed the bathroom door behind her, and let out a shriek when she realised she wasn't alone.

“Malfoy!”

“Granger?”

“What are you doing in here?”

“If you wanted to accost me like this, you could've just asked.”

Hermione shot him a glare as he came closer and placed his hands possessively on her waist. She tried, in vain, to halfheartedly push him away but as his lips pressed to the bare skin of her neck she forgot why she had been annoyed in the first place.

“I didn't realise you were in here.” She muttered breathlessly.

“You need to learn to lie better than that.” He murmured as he bit her bottom lip. “Changed your mind already?”

Hermione shoved his chest again, sending another glare his way, and turned to open the bathroom door to let him out.

“Are you always this much of a tease, Granger?” Draco whispered harshly, pressing her into the wooden door and running his hands up her bare thighs.

“Can you not handle a little teasing, Malfoy?” She managed to ask mockingly, despite the moan building in her throat, as Draco's fingers reached the hem of her nightgown.

What could only be described as a growl echoed through the steamy bathroom as Draco spun Hermione around so that they were facing one another.

“I've been thinking about what you said last night, about being stuck in my head.” Hermione admitted quietly before he could say anything.

Draco searched her face, looking for what she was going to say before it left her lips.

“You were right, I was overthinking everything.” She continued. “But I really do think you've changed.”

Draco smirked, a victorious glint in his eye. “Well, Granger, I'm glad you've come to your senses.”

Hermione opened her mouth to say something but the words died on her tongue as Draco's hand gently came to rest on her bare thigh once again. Feather light kisses led his mouth from the edge of her jaw to the lobe of her ear as their bodies pressed together against the door.

“Can I touch you?” Draco asked, the words barely audible as he breathed them out against her ear.

Hermione stuttered, unsure at first, but the fact that he asked in such a way sent heat rushing south and she knew what she said next wouldn't be a no.

“Yes.” She whispered, gripping his shoulders as his mouth pressed hot, wet kisses against her neck and down to her collarbone.

Hermione shuddered as Draco's left hand brushed up her thigh, climbing higher and higher, and she closed her eyes when his lips claimed hers. She was lost in the simple pleasure of a man's hand on her body, so lost that she almost didn't noticed when Draco's hand inched higher up her body than she anticipated. She had expected him to go straight between her thighs, had assumed that's where he asked to touch, where she had given her permission for but he was aiming higher.

Draco let out a low moan into her mouth when his fingers brushed over the peak of her nipple, bare under her nightgown, and lightly flicked it with his finger as his tongue flicked against hers in her mouth.

Hermione broke the kiss to get her breath back and let out a small gasp. When she opened her eyes, hazy and dazed with lust, she saw that Draco had a smirk on his face.

“You like that, Granger?” He asked, his voice deep and husky as he repeated the action.

“Yes.” Hermione whimpered as her thighs clenched together. Draco caught the action and his eyes darkened a fraction.

“Do you want me to touch you anywhere else?” Draco asked, never taking his eyes away from Hermione's.

She felt the blush rise in her cheeks as she nodded in reply, not being able to form the words, and distracted herself by placing one hand on Draco's cheek to pull him closer. As she kissed him she felt his hand move back down her stomach and her back arched when his finger slipped straight between her thighs.

Hermione let out a breathless moan against Draco's lips when his fingers began circling over the small bundle of nerves and her hips lifted away from the door in an effort to create the pace she so desperately needed.

“Tell me what you need, Granger.” He muttered against her lips as his fingers continued to draw patterns in the silky wetness. A roadmap to an orgasm.

“I... a...” Hermione mumbled as her head tipped back to rest against the wooden door.

“Say it.” Draco said, demanding in his tone, as his lips pressed delicate kisses against Hermione's exposed neck.

“I need you to... put your finger... inside me.” Hermione rushed out in a few breathless whispers.

Draco smirked to himself as he placed his free hand on her waist, anchoring her body to his own, and ran his middle finger down her wet centre and entered her to the knuckle. She let out a desperate moan and her hips bucked into the palm of his hand; she was well and truly fucking his hand while he fucked with her head.

Lust tinted thoughts ran through Hermione's mind as Draco brought her close to the edge with his hand; how could something feel so good and so wrong at the same time?

Draco Malfoy may have changed in some ways, big ways even, and she could admit that much but there were some things that could never change. Hermione considered how many girls he had done this to before; pressed against a bathroom door or hidden in a broom cupboard. She let out another moan as his thumb rubbed against the perfect spot.

“Stop thinking so much.” Draco muttered in her ear, gently biting the edge of her jaw. “Let go, Granger.”

He picked up the pace with his hand and Hermione gasped; all bad thoughts about this were seemingly knocked out of her head. The sounds echoed around the bathroom, filling her senses with their erotic nature, and she felt the familiar tug in the pit of her stomach.

“That's it, Granger.” Draco whispered, circling her nub with his thumb. “Tell me how close you are.”

“Malfoy, I'm-.” Hermione moaned. His words were only helping her reach the peak; one more thing and she'd tip over the edge.

Draco sucked on the skin covering Hermione's collarbone, desperate to leave a mark on her, and felt her walls begin to clench around his finger.

“Yes...” Hermione let out through gritted teeth before her mouth opened and her head tipped back in a silent scream of pleasure. Draco peppered kisses across her skin as she rode out the rest of her orgasm against his hand. Hermione mumbled something that sounded like 'fuck' and pulled her head away from the door, gasping slightly as Draco withdrew his finger.

There was a small smirk on his face as he pressed a kiss to Hermione's cheek.

“Hurry up, Granger. We have to get to breakfast.” He said in a husky voice, peeling them both away from the door.

Hermione stepped aside as Draco left the bathroom, weak at the knees and trembling, as she tried to catch her breath.

“‘We have to get to breakfast’?.” She hissed to herself. If that was what Draco said after bringing a girl to orgasm with his fingers then she was far from impressed.

Merlin, Hermione thought as she locked the door and got ready for her shower, he was a right head fuck.


	16. hurts like hell

_Hurts Like Hell - Fleurie_

**November 30th 1998**

“Have you heard anything from McGonagall about whether we're allowed to go home for the holidays?” Draco asked as he settled himself on the sofa, a book he'd picked from their attic library in his hands.

“Nope.” Hermione said with an exasperated sigh. She too sat down on the sofa beside Draco with a book clutched in her hands. “I asked her two weeks ago if we had to stay here for Christmas and she told me she'd owl Kingsley and get back to me.”

“Perhaps he hasn't... made up his mind yet.” Draco suggested.

Hermione didn't notice the slight pause in the middle of his sentence, didn't notice the way he had to catch his breath and bite his tongue for a fraction of a second, her legs hooking over the arm rest and head settling in Draco's lap, when she stretched out and looked up at him from below.

They hadn't discussed what happened in the bathroom a little over a week ago. No further ‘incidents’ had occurred between them and they simply acted like nothing had happened.

Which frustrated them both to no end. But they were both too stubborn to be the first one to bring it up.

Draco was too full of pride to mention what was going on between them and Hermione was too determined to not be another of Draco's conquests.

Though neither could deny the building sexual tension that hung over them like a storm cloud.

“It's a simple yes or no question.” Hermione huffed as she opened her book and leant her head to the side.

Draco's body stiffened slightly when he realised that her cheek was resting on him; one twitch and she would feel it pressing against her rose tinted skin.

“Maybe he still sees us all as a flight risk?”

“It's been months and not one of us has tried to get away, that should be proof enough that we aren't planning anything.” Hermione grumbled.

The movement of her head as she spoke was not lost on Draco and his body was desperate to react to the girl in his lap so he quickly opened his book and focused on the words written on the page.

“If I were planning to make a great escape, I would wait until I went home for the holidays.” Draco offered as he began to read.

“Are you?” Hermione asked. Draco heard her book close and knew that she was looking up at him, expectantly, waiting for his head to tilt and their eyes to meet. “If they let you go home for Christmas, will you come back?”

“I hadn't even considered running away from this punishment.” He told her truthfully, eyes still trying to read the words of the book in front of him. “If I did try to run, and they caught me, I'd be straight in Azkaban.”

“Is this better than Azkaban? Are we not still essentially locked up in this dormitory? Yes we can go to classes, talk to each other, eat with the rest of the students, but we don't have any freedom.”

“Don't be naive, Granger.” Draco snapped. “It doesn't suit you.”

“What do you mean?! I'm sorry, Malfoy, but I've not been fooled into thinking that this wasn't another version of imprisonment wrapped up in a bow that reads Hogwarts.” Hermione snapped right back.

Draco closed his book with a deep, steadying breath and finally looked down into Hermione's glaring eyes. Lust was replaced by anger.

“You've never been to Azkaban. You have no right to comment on the experience.” Draco replied through half-gritted teeth.

The more he considered Hermione's words the more he couldn't bare to look at her so he manoeuvred her from his lap, stood up, and set his storming eyes on the dying fire.

“You think, because you ran away from home and were punished like a petulant child, you've had the same treatment as Blaise and I?”

“Petulant child?!” Hermione shouted as she sat up. “I was trying to find the two people I care about the most in this world. I would do anything to find them and it kills me every day that I spend here, waiting in this prison that you call a dormitory, while they are out there waiting for me to save them!”

“I get it, Granger. The brave Gryffindor Princess, one third of the sodding Golden Trio, heroically runs into the shadows to save the Chosen One and his sidekick but the bad men at the Ministry foiled your plan! They slapped you on the wrist and sent you back to school to fulfil your Brightest Witch destiny. Must be really fucking hard to deal with!”

“Don't. You. Dare!” Hermione shouted as she flew from the sofa and shoved Draco in the chest. Hard. “You have no idea what they would have done to me if I didn't accept this!”

Draco had seen Hermione annoyed before, upset, angry, frustrated, name most of the emotions and Draco had seen them etched across her face, as though she were an open book, at some point since they first met at the age of eleven.

But he had never seen the look that crossed her face right now; if asked he would simply describe it as fear but he knew that it was more than that. This look was a combination of emotions; fear, anger, betrayal, and perhaps even heartbreak.

It reminded him of the face he used to see in the mirror back in Sixth Year.

“Tell me then, Granger. Tell me what they threatened you with and I'll let you know if it is worse than Azkaban.” Draco said.

Tears glistened in Hermione's eyes as she straightened her back and recalled the words that Kingsley had said to her that day.

“‘You will do well to remember your place in this World, Miss Granger. Should you refuse to return to Hogwarts I would hate to see the part you played in this War erased. Refuse this, Hermione, and your wand will be snapped.’” Hermione recalled, her teeth grinding together, her hands clenched into fists.

Draco was, for lack of a better word, shocked. Not once had the Ministry threatened to take his magic away should he be found guilty. Off the top of his head he didn't know anyone who had actually been removed of their magic by the Ministry.

“They wouldn't.” He accused.

Hermione let out a short, sharp laugh. “Empty threat or not, you wouldn't begin to understand how that felt.”

Draco's eyebrows pulled together. He was pretty damn sure he'd be angry at that too, but Hermione continued before he could tell her she was wrong to assume that he wouldn't understand.

“I don't suppose you've ever considered how it feels to be a Muggleborn?” She asked, rhetorically. “To wake up one day to a letter, delivered by an owl of all things, and find a strange man and woman standing in your living room? To be told that the first eleven years of your life have essentially been a lie? Probably not.

“Being introduced to a whole new world where magic is possible, that you yourself are a witch, and figuring out that the strange things you can make happen aren't all in your head is an indescribable feeling. It's as though someone has finally filled in the final piece of a jigsaw puzzle and your life finally makes sense.

“I, along with any other Muggleborn, belong in this World as much as anyone else does regardless of blood. I could brush off the Pureblood propaganda bullshit that you handed to me at any possible moment when we were younger because deep down I knew that I belonged here, I always had.”

Draco, who had remained silent, moved a step closer to Hermione's trembling body in an effort to comfort her. He never meant to get her this angry but he had believed that she didn't know what she was talking about. Now he knew that he was the one who had been wrong to call her naive.

She stepped back, putting distance between them, as she continued speaking. Her voice dropped to a whisper.

“But when Kingsley threatened to take away my magic it was like you had been right all along. To hear someone I considered a friend, someone who I had fought alongside to defeat Voldemort and end the Second Wizarding War, so flippantly hand out a threat like that broke my heart. You don't have to tell me that you never received the same threat, I saw it in your eyes, I doubt anyone of pure blood has ever known a threat like that.”

The room shrank. The walls closed in on Draco as the words floated around and embedded themselves in his mind.

“All I had done, all I had fought for, was on the line when I was given this ‘slap on the wrist’. Something as simple as running away to find my friends could be the end of my life as a witch when Death Eaters, faithful to Voldemort even after the ‘Golden Trio’ had reduced him to dust, were being locked up in Azkaban.”

Hermione's breath caught in her throat as a tear finally slipped down her cheek.

“You spent a few months in Azkaban while you waited for your trial and you're right, I can't begin to imagine what that was like, but at least you were comforted by the fact that you'd never lose your magic. It never crossed your mind that when you were released, if that were a month, a year, twenty years down the line, that you wouldn't be what you'd always been. A wizard.

“I was never given the respect that I deserve in knowing that my right to magic was as secure as yours.” Hermione finished as tears streamed down her face.

Up the stairs, in the second bedroom from the left, Ginny let out a huge sigh, followed by a yawn, as she dug through her trunk in an effort to find a clean nightgown.

“Weasley, do you-.” Blaise asked as he burst through her bedroom door.

Ginny let out a small scream when she jumped at the sudden intrusion, crossing her arms over her body in an effort to hide the bare skin that her underwear didn't cover, and glared at the rude boy in front of her.

Blaise, nearly always a gentleman by nature, should have turned away as soon as he realised that he had burst in on Ginny when she was indecent. However he was distracted by the blush that was spreading across her chest when a scar just below her collarbone caught his eye. It looked new, still slightly pink and puckered, as if she had received it recently.

He knew he had looked for too long when a hex whizzed past his ear.

“What the bloody hell are you doing?!” Ginny asked, wand raised, cheeks pink.

“Sorry!” Blaise blurted out as he turned around so that she could continue dressing.

“Ever heard of knocking, Zabini?” Ginny growled as she pulled a random nightgown from her trunk and yanked it over her head.

“I said I was sorry!” Blaise said, throwing a quick glance over his shoulder, turning back towards the red head when he noticed she was now in more than a bra and knickers.

“What were you so desperate to talk about that you had to invade my privacy like that?” Ginny fumed as she picked up her dressing gown and shoved her arms through the sleeves. Once she had belted it around her waist she crossed her arms over her chest once again, covering as much of her bare skin as she could, this time out of anger as opposed to of embarrassment.

“I can't remember.” Blaise admitted, scratching his head as he awkwardly stepped closer to Ginny.

Before another word could be said Blaise reached out and pressed a light finger to the silky material of her dressing gown, right over the spot where Ginny's scar would be, and traced a line from her shoulder to her sternum.

“I hope you hexed whoever did that to you.” Blaise said under his breath as his finger came to a stop in the middle of Ginny's chest.

“Didn't get the chance.” Ginny replied, her voice barely above a whisper at the sudden intimacy of the interaction.

“What happened? It looks new.”

“It happened in summer but Hermione couldn't heal it with her wand.” Ginny explained as Blaise's finger traced back out towards her shoulder. “It had to heal naturally. It was deep so it's only just started to scar.”

“Are you avoiding telling me what actually happened?” Blaise questioned with a raised eyebrow. “I thought we were closer than that, Weasley.”

Ginny blushed, though she couldn't tell you why, and gently removed his hand from her shoulder.

“I don't really remember what happened. All I remember was the pain and then coming around a day later to find bandages covering my right shoulder and my arm in a sling. Hermione won't talk about it. I don't think she remembers much either.”

Ignoring the attempt to push his hand away Blaise placed his fingers around the silk nightgown and exposed Ginny's right shoulder. Using the same hand he traced the delicate pink line with his thumb and wondered what kind of magic or curse would cause an injury like this.

“Blaise,” Ginny whispered. “What are you doing?”

“If I find out what happened and who did this to you, Ginny, I'll kill them.” He said.

Ginny was almost shocked at how cold and cruel his tone was. She had only ever heard Blaise when he was having a laugh, being the kind of person that rarely let his anger show, and his tone was always light and teasing when he was around Ginny.

The way that his eyes darkened and his words came out as though they alone could cause physical harm made Ginny see a different side to him.

Carefully, with shaking fingers and a racing heart, Ginny pulled loose the knot holding her dressing gown together and let it fall away from her body.

'Do you want to know what other scars I have?' She asked as the material pooled around her ankles.

'Ginny, you don't have to-.' Blaise started but stopped when he felt Ginny's hand cover the one that was lightly tracing her scar.

'I'm asking.' She replied to his half finished sentence. 'I want to see yours, too.'

Ginny's free hand snaked around the back of Blaise's neck and she pulled him down to her height so that she could finally place her lips against his, like she had imagined doing for the past few weeks. Blaise's free hand, with a mind of its own, gripped her waist so that their bodies could be pressed closer together.

Before she could do any more than lightly brush their lips together, their breath mingling in the minuscule space that was left, they were interrupted by a knock that rang through the entire dormitory.

Downstairs the knock reverberated around the quietness of the common room, pulling the attention of Hermione and Draco away from their silence.

It was Hermione who moved first, stepping away from the boy who hadn't spoke a word in the past five minutes, and opened the door.

'Headmistress, is everything okay?' Hermione asked when she saw McGonagall stood on the other side of the door.

'Yes, Miss Granger.' McGonagall assured her.

The blank stare of the Slytherin in the middle of the common room did not go unnoticed by the Headmistress. Neither did the flustered Gryffindor and seemingly annoyed Slytherin who rushed down the stairs to see who could be their late night guest.

'I do apologise for the lateness of the hour. The Minister has finally sent me a reply. The four of you are allowed to go home for Christmas.'


	17. iris

_Iris - The Goo Goo Dolls_

**December 19th 1998**

“Ginny we're going to be sharing a bed for two weeks in a couple of days time, could you not have given me one last morning of freedom?” Hermione asked, her eyes still closed and her tone sleepy, when she felt the bed dip beside her.

“I hate to disappoint you, Granger, but it's me.” Draco said as he sat on top of the covers and lay down next to Hermione's back.

“Malfoy!” Hermione gasped as her eyes shot open and she twisted in the sheets to see Draco lying next to her. “What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?!”

“You're avoiding me again.” He replied simply as he stared up at the ceiling.

At some point over the past few months Hermione had charmed the ceiling to look like the nights sky and Draco was immediately engrossed in the intricate detail of it.

“I wonder why.” Hermione huffed as she unsuccessfully tried to shove him off her bed. Instead he turned to face her and grasped both of her hands in one of his to halt the shoving.

“I'm- I'm sorry...” Draco said quietly and Hermione instantly stopped struggling in his grip.

“Is that the first time you've apologised to someone?” She asked sarcastically.

“Don't make this harder than it already is, Granger.” Draco scowled.

Hermione bit her lip to stop the next sarcastic comment from escaping her throat.

“I never said anything to you after our last fight.” Draco said. “There were so many things that I needed to say but I couldn't find the words to say them.”

“It's been weeks, we've talked since then, why come to apologise now?” Hermione asked.

“Come off it, Granger.” Draco said with a roll of his eyes. “Yes we've spoken to one another but we don't talk like we used to.”

“I didn't realise our conversations meant that much to you, Malfoy. Or is it just that you thought you were one meaningful conversation away from getting in my knickers?” Hermione hissed as she made another attempt to pull her hands away from Draco's grip.

“Stop it.” He growled.

And it didn't take a genius to work out that Draco wasn't just talking about Hermione's efforts to loosen his grip.

“I'm not doing this for any other reason than you deserving an apology from me.” He hissed. “I've never said the words ‘I'm sorry’ to anyone in my life but for some reason I wanted - I needed to say them to you.”

Hermione let her body go slack, releasing the tension that had built up, and felt Draco's fingers loosen around her wrists.

“There are so many things that that I've done to you over the years and two words doesn't quiet cover it. I'm trying Granger, I really am, to be a better person in the hopes that I can stop feeling guilty for everything that I've done wrong.”

“What are you trying to say?” Hermione asked quietly.

“I'm trying to say that I should've been better. I shouldn't have been selfish, or cruel, or prejudiced towards you in any way. But I was. And now I'm apologising for it.”

“Why me? Why are you so hell bent on-.”

“Isn't it bloody obvious?” Draco exclaimed in frustration as he sat up and rubbed his temples - for the Brightest Witch of her Age, Hermione couldn't half be dense sometimes. “I told you months ago that seeing you be tortured on my living room floor made me realise where my loyalties lie.”

“You said that was when you realised you didn't support Voldemort anymore.” Hermione whispered as she tried to figure out what Draco was getting so worked up over.

“No, Granger, I told you that my allegiance to Voldemort began to waver long before. From the minute you stepped into the Manor that day I knew that I didn't want to be a part of it anymore no matter what it cost.”

“You didn't give us up. You saved Harry so that he could defeat Voldemort.” Hermione inferred, Draco shook his head when she was wrong once again.

“Granger, I did that to save you!” He growled. “As far as I was concerned all that mattered was saving you! I couldn't correctly identify Potter and not give you away at the same time.”

Hermione's mind brought up a somewhat painful memory and goosebumps erupted on her skin as she recalled the chilling darkness of Malfoy Manor.

_“Look, Draco, isn't that the Granger girl?” Narcissa Malfoy asked, one hand on Draco's arm, as she looked over towards Hermione._

_Hermione's face was firmly set; she was unwilling to show the fear that bubbled up inside at the thought of Draco identifying her to anyone in that moment. Movement in front of the fireplace, as Draco turned back around to look over to where Hermione was held in the firm grip of one of the Snatchers, caught her attention and her eyes quickly flitted to watch his reaction when he saw that she was here._

_As Hermione's golden brown eyes met Draco's misty grey ones she knew instantly that he recognised her and her stomach dropped when she realised what that would mean. She could almost see it before it happened; the infamous Malfoy sneer would settle on his features followed by 'that's the filthy Mudblood alright' spilling from his mouth as he awaited praise from his father for getting them back in Voldemort's good books._

_So what he said next almost caused Hermione's firm expression to crumble in confusion._

_“I... maybe... yeah.” Draco said after he had turned his back on the trio, facing the fireplace once again, and hid his expression from the rest of the room._

Hermione and Draco had been at school together for six years, she had nothing to hide her features like Harry, nothing that would obscure her appearance enough for Draco not to recognise her in an instant. Until now she had never considered the thoughts that were running through his mind in that moment, she hadn't had the chance, but now it made everything all the more confusing. She shook the memory from her mind and focused on the conversation at hand.

“Why me, though? You've always hated me, right?” Hermione asked in a somewhat frustrated tone. She was tired of Draco talking in riddles and hoping she would be able to figure it out.

“Merlin, Granger, think about it.” Draco insisted. “Ever wonder how that bit of scrap paper, the one you so desperately needed to figure out what was going on, ended up between the pages of your Charms textbook in Second Year? Ever consider why I told Potter and Weasley to get you away from the Death Eaters at the World Cup when I could have so easily shouted for my father and his close friends to whisk you away?

“Why, of all the Muggleborns in the school, did I have to constantly remind you of your blood status in the arrogant, pig headed way that I did if it wasn't to remind myself that a Malfoy can't be in love with anyone who isn't a pure blood?! If I hated you as much as I led you to believe, why have I made so much of an effort to at least become someone you would consider a friend ever since we stepped foot back in Hogwarts?”

Hermione could see the heavy rise and fall of Draco's chest as he stopped speaking, the way that his breath came out in short sharp bursts as if he had just run a marathon, but could only focus on two things.

“You were the one who gave me the page about the Basilisk?” Hermione asked in a whisper, placing a hand on his back, as she tried to make sense of the information overload.

“I was a bloody coward for not doing something about it sooner.” Draco muttered. “I'd heard my father mention the word and decided to do some research. That day we saw you in Flourish and Blotts I ripped the page out of a book and kept it to myself for months. When I finally knew what to do with it I slipped it into your capable hands.”

Hermione nodded, another piece of information stored away.

“You're in love with me?” She asked.

Draco whipped his head round to look at her, sneer already etched on his face, and denial on the tip of his tongue when he realised that he had in fact said it out loud.

As he looked into the eyes of the girl he claimed to love his expression faltered.

“I didn't mean to say that out loud.” He admitted. “But you're everything that I couldn't have and all I ever seemed to want.”

Hermione stared at him for a moment as she filed away everything that he had told her. A lot of what he had said made sense when she looked at it objectively, as if she were a third party outsider, but she had also spent far too long seeing the mask he claims was hiding this secret.

“Ow!” Draco cried as his elbow broke his fall to the floor. “What the bloody hell was that for?”

“That was for being an arsehole all these years.” Hermione said forcefully before stepping off the bed and kneeling down on the floor. With a knee either side of Draco's hips Hermione bent down so that their foreheads were close to touching. “This is for saving my life.”

Not leaving time for Draco to reply Hermione closed the gap and pressed her lips to his. It began slow as they reacquainted themselves, softly pressing their lips together and enjoying the feel of tender pecks.

“Wait.” Hermione said, suddenly pulling away from their tender kisses with a frown on her face. “Why did you try and kill us in the Room of Requirement?”

Draco's mouth pulled up into a small smirk and he brushed a finger along Hermione's cheekbone. “Should've known you'd have a lot of questions. Blaise and I were trying to stop Goyle from killing you all. I don't know what came over him but it was like he was possessed, determined to kill Potter, and the only thing we could think to do was go with him and pretend we wanted the same thing. I don't know how we would've stopped him if he wasn't stupid enough to set the bloody place on fire but we, Blaise and I, had made a silent agreement to keep the three of you alive long enough to make sure the Dark Lord was gone for good.”

Hermione considered it a moment, trying to remember all of the details of that particular event, and the one thing that stuck out in her mind was how it had only been Goyle sending curses their way. Granted Hermione had disarmed Draco but Blaise had only deflected any spells sent his way before they'd made a run for it.

And then there was what happened after... something she had never considered for too long after it happened. Something she never knew Draco was involved in, still wasn't even sure if he was, but if he was then it would explain a lot.

“Interesting.” Hermione muttered.

“Look, Granger, I know that I've done things that completely contradict my feelings towards you and all I can say is I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I ever hurt you, I'm sorry that I ever put your life in danger, I'm sorry that I became a sodding Death Eater. If I could do it all differently...” Draco said as he closed his eyes and rest his head back on the floor.

“Don't,” Hermione whispered as she placed a kiss on the corner of his mouth. “I didn't want you to feel guilty, I just wanted to ask. We could sit here for hours and pick apart every moment of our history but the past few months have been enough for me to know that you have changed now. That's all that matters to me.”

“You matter to me.” Draco muttered against her lips.

He looped an arm around her small waist and pulled her body impossibly closer as he prised her mouth open with his tongue and dipped into her warm and ready mouth. With his free hand he brushed her messy morning curls away from her face and held a firm grip on the back of her neck.

As the arm that had been around her waist turned into a wandering hand, Hermione broke the kiss and pulled away so that she was sat up, and Draco followed.

“I think you'll find that I saved your life multiple times.” He whispered as he readjusted Hermione's position on his lap so that they were both more comfortable. “Is it one incredible kiss per instance?”

“Don't push it.” Hermione whispered back as she kissed his cheek and made to get up from the floor.

“Five more minutes?” Draco pouted as he pulled Hermione back onto his lap.

“If we don't leave this room soon, Ginny or Blaise are bound to come looking for us.” Hermione said as Draco's lips attached themselves to her jaw.

“Let them.” Draco muttered as he turned Hermione's cheek in an effort to reclaim her lips. She didn't resist for a minute, letting herself get lost in the way his tongue flicked over hers or the way that his teeth grazed her bottom lip, but she soon pulled away once again.

“Come on, don't you want breakfast?” Hermione asked as Draco's lips trailed down her neck.

“I could think of a better breakfast.” Draco muttered as he bit Hermione's collarbone.

“Malfoy.” Hermione groaned as his tongue flicked over the impressions that his teeth had made.

“I could get used to that sound.” Draco admitted as he slipped the straps of Hermione's nightgown off her shoulders. She quickly pulled them back up before the material fell away from her chest and stood up.

“Granger.” Draco growled as he watched her move away and pull a clean set of clothes from her trunk.

“Malfoy.” Hermione replied in a mocking tone.

“You're an insufferable witch.” He growled as he pulled himself up from the floor and made for the bedroom door.

“I thought I was a tease?” Hermione asked, a small smile on her face.

“Fine. You're an insufferable tease, Granger.” Draco amended as he pulled her in for one last kiss, rougher than the first two they had shared that morning, and left Hermione blushing as he closed the door behind him on his way out.


	18. nervous

_Nervous - The Neighbourhood_

**January 3rd 1999**

“Ow!” Ginny cried as a paper aeroplane zoomed through the open door of their train compartment and hit her in the temple. Reading quickly and letting out a snort Ginny abruptly stood from her seat, turning to the brown haired witch on the opposite side of the compartment.

“I'll be back.”

Hermione barely took any notice, only enough to give a small nod, and turned back to watch the train roll steadily through the countryside.

“Have I ever told you that I've never given anyone a Christmas present?”

A voice broke the silence five minutes later and turned Hermione's eyes away from the blurry green scenery.

“Should I be shocked?” She asked with a smile.

“Not that I've never given a Christmas present.” Draco remarked as he settled himself in the space beside Hermione. “Though you may be shocked to know that that has changed.”

Hermione raised an eyebrow as Draco pulled a small green box, tied with a silver ribbon, from his pocket. He took one of Hermione's hands, turned it with a light hold on her wrist, and placed the box on her upturned palm.

“Merry Christmas, Granger.” Draco said, a small smirk on his face.

“I didn't realise we were doing presents, Malfoy.” Hermione mumbled as she turned the box over in her hands.

“We aren't.” Draco insisted. “If anyone asks this didn't happen. Especially don't tell Blaise, he'll never forgive me for giving my first gift to you.”

Hermione undid the silver ribbon and let it fall into her lap, with slightly shaking fingers, before taking the lid off the box. There, placed delicately on a velvet cushion, lay a ring.

A ring that reminded her of the family ring that Draco wore, complete with the engraved 'M'.

“Is this your family ring?” She asked quietly.

“The same one I've been wearing for years.” He replied as he held out his hands to show her his bare fingers.

Carefully, Hermione plucked it from the cushion so that she could rest it on her palm and inspect it further.

“You're giving it to me?” Hermione was breathless, completely and utterly blown away at how much this small object meant in Draco gifting it to her, and because of this she couldn't even bring herself to say thank you.

“I am.” Draco confirmed as he took the ring from Hermione's hand and gently pushed it onto her left thumb. It sent tingles down her arm when it touched her skin and she knew that it was laced with magic. Perhaps generations of Pureblood Malfoy's had worn it and cast charms on it for one reason or another.

“Draco,” Hermione breathed as she looked down at her hand, “this is a family heirloom. I can't...”

“Granger.” He grunted before softening his tone. “I'm gifting it to you. It's yours now.”

“Generations of Malfoy's are probably turning in their grave right now.” Hermione muttered as she twirled the ring around her finger. It was a bit too big and part of her worried that she would loose it; perhaps she could find a chain and wear it as a necklace.

“Promise me you won't take it off. Ever.” Draco requested, placing a kiss on Hermione's cheek.

“I never took you as the sentimental type.” Hermione said with a raised eyebrow.

“Don't get used to it, Granger.” Draco scoffed as two people joined them in the train compartment.

Distracted by the unlikely show of affection from Draco, Hermione didn't notice the way that Ginny had to smack Blaise's hand away from her arse, and the group of four acted as though there was nothing going on between any of them as they continued the journey back to Hogwarts in the same compartment.

When they arrived in the Entrance Hall they were greeted by the Headmistress who led them aside so that she could have a private word with them before dinner.

“I won't keep you long.” The Headmistress began. “I have spoken with the Minister and he has agreed to allow you a few more privileges as apposed to last term. You will now be able to go to Hogsmeade with the other students.”

At the mention of Hogsmeade, what can only be described as a combination of a squeal and a yelp erupted from the group of four, and four pairs of eyes turned to Blaise.

“What?!” He asked, feeling slightly embarrassed over his outburst. “I'm excited to go to the Three Broomsticks, alright?”

“Furthermore,” the Headmistress continued. “Now that the Quidditch Pitch has been rebuilt, we will be starting the season again. Should you wish to rejoin your old teams, it will be allowed.”

Another squeal/yelp escaped and, again, everyone turned to look at Blaise.

“That one was Weasley!” He exclaimed, pointing a finger at Ginny.

“Finally,” McGonagall said. “As decided by our Heads of Houses, the Head Boy and Girl, and the prefects, there will be a ball held on the 1st May in memory of all those we lost in the war and to commemorate everything we have gained. You will be allowed to attend and, though it may seem trivial, I hope you decide to.”

With a nod, and a swish of her cloak, she was gone.

“A ball?” Hermione scoffed when the Headmistress was out of sight.

“Mione, I know what you're about to say.” Ginny cut in. “But can you reign in the cynicism just this once? It's months away, you might feel differently by then.”

Hermione rolled her eyes and pouted, keeping her mouth shut, rather than saying any more. Ginny was right, she was about to say something cynical about a commemoration ball, so she kept quiet.

The students gathered in the Great Hall had a much different reaction to the ball announcement than Hermione. Excited whispers erupted as soon as the words passed through the Headmistresses lips and didn't end, only quietened, as the rest of the announcements were made.

Soon the excited chatter picked up as dinner began but the four outcasts at the end of the Slytherin table were, unlike the rest of the students, locked in a conversation about Quidditch.

“I'm relieved that we can play.” Ginny said. “I've been needing to get back in shape if I want to try out for the Harpies in the summer.”

“Hopefully they won't mind when you don't win the cup for your House, Weasley.” Blaise said with a smirk as he nudged Ginny in the ribs.

Ginny quickly stuck out her tongue out at Blaise instead of replying verbally while, on the other side of the table, Draco was nudging Hermione in the ribs.

“Eat, Granger.” He whispered in her ear.

“I'm not hungry.” She muttered in reply.

“Are you feeling alright?” Draco asked, placing a comforting hand on her thigh beneath the table.

It had been a few months since Hermione's stomach ulcer but her appetite still wasn't the same so she still occasionally felt sick at the thought of food. It had been nothing to worry about but being back The Burrow without Ron and Harry for Christmas had been turning her stomach more than usual.

“I'm fine, I promise.” Hermione replied, sending him what she hoped was a reassuring smile. “I just don't want to push it if I'm not hungry.”

“If you don't eat at breakfast tomorrow, I'm taking you to Pomfrey.” Draco warned with a raised brow.

With a roll of her eyes and a reluctant nod, Hermione turned her attention back to Ginny and Blaise's conversation.

What she didn't want to tell Draco was that she was worried. She had been reading the Prophet over the Christmas holidays, like she did most mornings, and had begun to notice something that didn't sit well with her and added to the anxious pit in her stomach.

Since Ginny had told her back in October that Pansy Parkinson had disappeared, though gossip put it down to finding a rich man and wanting to marry for money in private, Hermione had been keeping an eye out for any other strange disappearances. Up until Christmas there had only been one other article in the Prophet and, though it had shocked her and Ginny when they found out, they couldn't help but wonder if Luna had simply gone in search of a magical creature that didn't exist and was lost in the woods but safely continuing her search. Like the article about Pansy, Luna's had been short, but the anxiety still surrounded Hermione knowing that one of her old friends was currently unaccounted for.

While at The Burrow for Christmas, however, three more people that they knew had a small section of the Prophet dedicated to their mysterious disappearances and unaccounted for whereabouts.

Parvati Patil and Lavender Brown were reported as having disappeared in the same article and the Prophet suggested that they ran away together in an effort to recover from the trauma of the war. To Hermione it almost made sense; Lavender had suffered immensely during the Battle of Hogwarts and being such close friends with Parvati during school it could be plausible for them to want to get out of the country together.

For that reason, in a similar way to the reaction she had had when Pansy was reported missing, Hermione had an inkling that something was wrong. Four people wouldn't be recognised as having disappeared if the explanation was so simple and plausible.

However, it was the fourth person, the one who she had read about only this morning, whose reported disappearance set her teeth on edge and her stomach rolling.

Theodore Nott.

Theo, despite having high profile Death Eater parents, had not gone through the process of a trial like Blaise and Draco had. He'd avoided the Battle of Hogwarts and never got the Dark Mark but was pushed into repeating his Seventh Year at Hogwarts by the Ministry so that they could keep an eye on him. According to Blaise it wasn't necessary for McGonagall to keep a close eye on him like it was for the four of them, but he was still under strict orders not to step out of line.

That was why Hermione felt like throwing up when she saw the small section of the Prophet, barely two lines worth, mentioning that Theo had left home on Christmas Eve and not returned almost two weeks later. Theo knew the risk in not coming back to Hogwarts and Hermione wondered if he had been stupid enough to take it or if the anxious pit in her stomach was a warning.

A warning that the war was still not over.  
  



	19. suffer

  
_ Suffer - Charlie Puth _

**January 9th 1999**

Anxiety riddled thoughts carried Hermione all the way through the rest of that evening and through the first week back at school.

The Saturday night routine of Firewhiskey and fire lit conversation continued that first week back despite some technical issues.

Blaise had admitted on the Wednesday that Theo had been his supplier and he was struggling to find a replacement dealer. So when he entered their common room that Saturday afternoon and pulled two bottles out of his cloak he was met with a few questions, which he cheekily dodged, and as soon as they came back from dinner the four sat down and drank.

Hermione, though admitting to herself that she needed a drink and a sense of normalcy in her life, was quiet throughout the night until she retired to bed and got changed into her nightgown.

When Ginny had fallen asleep in Blaise's lap and he had carried her to bed, Hermione had said goodnight to Draco with a simple kiss to the cheek and had followed up the stairs in favour of staying awake with him like she usually did.

When a knock rattled the door to her bedroom ten minutes later, she spoke for the first time in hours.

“Come in.”

“You've been unnaturally quiet.” Draco said as he stepped through the door and closed it softly behind him.

Hermione sighed as she sat down on the end of her bed, watching as Draco stepped closer, and decided not to fight with him by denying it.

“I'm worried.” She admitted, her brows pulling together as the worrisome thoughts filtered through her mind once again.

“What about?” Draco asked as he stepped closer once again. Hermione tried to concentrate as she took in his typically Slytherin green silk pyjama bottoms paired with a black knitted jumper.

“People are disappearing.” She whispered as he positioned himself between her legs and cupped his hands reassuringly along her jaw.

“I know.” He nodded, a crease appearing between his own brow.

“What do you think it means?” Hermione asked.

“That, I don't know. I'm sure the Ministry are keeping tabs on it all. And if they weren't, the fact that Theo hasn't come back to Hogwarts against their wishes may push them to look into it.” Draco said as he tried to reassure Hermione's anxiety.

Comforted by Draco's hands and the surprisingly soft way that he spoke to her, Hermione spoke aloud the thought that had plagued the day that the Battle of Hogwarts ended.

“What if the war has only just begun?” She whispered.

Draco sank to his knees, placing his forearms on Hermione's thighs, and gripped her hips with his hands. “Don't think that way. This could be nothing, just coincidences, or it could be more. Please don't spin yourself in circles thinking that this is going to end in a war. The war is over. If this is something sinister then it's just one psychopath who thinks he can end what the Dark Lord started and the Ministry will catch them.”

“What if-.”

Draco cut her off by squeezing her hips and pulling her closer so that they were almost completely pressed against each other in a way that set Hermione's heart rate up a notch.

“If, and that's a big if, this is anything to worry about you will be safe.” Draco promised. “You're safe with me.”

Not letting Hermione ask anymore questions he closed the distance between them and pressed his lips to hers. He was steady at first in case she decided to push him away but, when the only move she made was to link her arms around his neck, he quickly held her body close to his chest so that he could lift them backwards onto the bed.

With his hands still gripping onto her hips he used his elbows to guide her legs around his waist and pressed her against his abdomen. The pressure against her core made Hermione's eyes flutter and respond immediately with a breathy moan.

Quicker than she could catch her breath, Draco had laid her on her back and pulled his jumper over his head, revealing a chest that Hermione could stare at all day. Gentle fingers traced the faded scars that were scattered over the wiry muscles and taught skin. She knew what these were.

“I almost killed Harry with my bare hands when I found out what he'd done.” She whispered as Draco scattered kisses across her jaw.

She felt Draco's lips brush over her earlobe when he replied, his hot breath bringing up goosebumps on her skin. “I should've thanked him. It humbled me to lay dying on the floor.”

Hermione let out a quiet gasp, both at his words and at the feel of his tongue travelling up her neck from her collarbone. “No one deserves a curse like that.”

Draco pulled the straps of Hermione's nightgown down hers arms and she didn't stop him as the material fell away and exposed her chest, the top of the nightgown now gathered around her waist. He dipped his head so that he could kiss a trail from the hollow of her throat down between her breasts.

“Not even me?” Draco asked as he looked up at her. Hermione knew, by the change in tone of his voice, that he was teasing her, goading her, wanting a reaction as he kissed every inch of her skin.

“Not even you.” Hermione replied breathlessly as she looked into his eyes.

“I can be bad.” Draco warned as he moved lower, a glint in his eyes that didn't go unnoticed. “Would I deserve it then?”

“How bad?” Hermione challenged breathlessly, tipping her head back when she felt firm hands push the hem of her nightgown up her thighs and over her hips.

“Oh, Granger.” Draco growled, his hot breath lighting Hermione on fire as it caressed her inner thighs. “Don't tempt me.”

Hermione looked up, knowing that his teasing was over, as Draco placed his index finger on the wet cotton of her underwear. She was suddenly aware of her own wetness and the thought made her blush.

“You look divine.” Draco whispered as he traced a finger down her underwear. And then he was pressing his lips against her.

Hermione had never been with anyone before Draco, had never experienced another man but she had thought about it like any other nineteen year old girl had. She'd imagined it was someone else's hand other than her own beneath the sheets at night as she explored her body and brought herself over the edge.

In recent months she'd imagined it was Draco, especially since that one morning in the bathroom. But thoughts, imaginings, or a quick five minutes in a steam filled bathroom, couldn't compare to the way that his tongue felt as it pressed the cotton of her underwear against her pulsing heat and rubbed in all of the right places.

“May I?” He asked as he hooked his thumbs into her knickers. Hermione could only nod in response, the heat rising in her cheeks at the thought of him being down there, touching her, tasting her. Draco rose up onto his knees as he slipped her underwear down her thighs, discarding the material onto the floor once off her body, before parting her knees with his hands.

Hermione suddenly felt very exposed and quickly tried to close her legs.

“I've never been with anyone before.” She said quickly before the courage to say the words disappeared. She'd wanted to tell him before but had chickened out but now that she was sure that this was going to go further than last time she needed to tell him. For a moment she could have sworn she saw Draco smile at the thought of being her first but he soon replaced it with a neutral expression.

“I'll be gentle.” He said as he parted her thighs once more and resumed his previous position between them. “If you feel uncomfortable at any point just say the word and I'll stop.”

Hermione nodded again and rest her head back against the pillow.

When she felt the first touch her lips parted, feeling the way that he opened her up, and she wondered how she had ever orgasmed with fingers when his tongue could do this to her. He kept to his promise, he was gentle, gently flicking and teasing as she relaxed into his touch and - oh! She had been wrong. She had been utterly and completely wrong.

He must have been using his finger before because this definitely felt new and incredible, his tongue running up and down her wetness, circling that small bud and his lips pulling it into his mouth.

“Please...please...” She whimpered.

“Yes, Granger?” He asked, barely moving his lips away from between her thighs and the vibrations coaxed a moan from the back of Hermione's throat.

“Don't stop.” She managed to say as she felt him push his middle finger inside and begin a slow and steady pumping motion.

When Draco added a second finger he let out a small moan against her core.

“Merlin, Granger you're tight.” He growled.

“No...” she moaned. “Big fingers.”

Hermione moaned again when Draco chuckled, actually laughed against her wet core, at the comment and added a third finger. She arched her back at the fullness, the rhythmic pumping, and the way that Draco seemed to be devouring her like she was a delicacy.

“Draco, I'm...” Hermione said, pulling a pillow from the bed and pressing it over her face to drown out another moan.

Draco merely groaned in response - both at her imminent orgasm and the way his first name sounded as she whimpered in pleasure - and picked up the pace until her walls clamped around his fingers and he gently caressed her with his tongue until she had ridden out the aftershocks.

Hermione felt the bed dip as Draco sat up on his knees and he removed the pillow from her face, taking in her flushed cheeks and heaving chest, with a smug smile on his face. He was about to place one of his fingers in his mouth to watch her squirm as he sucked it clean but she beat him to it. With one swift movement she grabbed his hand and pulled it close to her lips, holding eye contact when he tongue darted out to lick the tip of his middle finger.

Slowly, never breaking eye contact, Hermione slipped Draco's finger into her mouth and tasted herself on his skin with a gentle suck. As she licked his fingers clean and he watched with hooded eyes and shallow breaths, Hermione slowly trailed her fingers down his chest. While he was somewhat distracted by what she was doing with his fingers she gently traced the outline of his hardened length through the silk pyjamas.

“I've always wondered if it's true.”Hermione whispered as she removed his middle finger from her mouth and replaced it with his index finger.

“If what's true?” Draco asked, distracted completely by her lips around his finger.

“That bad boys do it better.” Hermione replied cheekily, punctuating the sentence by reaching below the waistband of his pyjama bottoms and taking him in her hand.

“You have no idea, Granger.” Draco smirked as he pulled his hand away from her mouth so that he could replace it with his tongue.

Their mouths met in a clash of teeth, tongues, heat, and need and they both lost themselves in it. Quicker than they could blink Draco had removed the last pieces of fabric from both of their bodies and he lay between Hermione's thighs, connecting every inch of their skin, and he let out a low moan at the wetness connecting their hips.

“If we do this,” Hermione whispered into Draco's ear. “I have to ask something of you.”

“If you feel as good as I think you will, you can have anything.” Draco said through gritted teeth as he rocked his hips, coating himself with her arousal.

“Call me Hermione.” She breathed, a low moan building in her throat at the action of Draco's hips.

Without saying another word, or verbally agreeing to the conditions, Draco slipped an arm under Hermione's lower back and lifted her hips off the bed. Using his other hand he guided himself slowly, with as much gentleness as he could muster, inside of her.

“Anything.” He whispered as he buried himself deep.

Hermione let out a low hiss at the new sensation; it was definitely not the same as fingers, but not unpleasant. Draco placed encouraging kisses across every inch of her accessible skin as he pushed in further. She instantly relaxed after the first inch, knowing that it would only make it worse if she was tense, and by the last inch she was tipping her head back and relishing at the fullness.

With his left arm still holding Hermione's hips, Draco laced the fingers of his right hand with the fingers of Hermione's left, and began to move. Concentrating on not hurting her, his fingers played with the Malfoy ring that was still loosely resting on her thumb.

Slow at first, remembering his promise to be gentle, Draco began to feel Hermione getting used to him and he gradually picked up the pace until beads of sweat dotted his forehead.

As Draco ran his finger over the cool antique metal, hearing the soft moans that were coming from the girl beneath him, he buried his face into her neck and mouthed words against her skin. Each silent word that was spoken was punctuated with a thrust of his hips.

Hermione ran her nails up Draco's back as she felt the familiar pressure building in the pit of her stomach.

“It's been a while,” Draco muttered against her ear. “I won't last as long as I normally do.”

“I'm right there with you.” Hermione moaned back. “A little harder?”

Her request alone almost ended it all. Draco grunted as he pushed his hips harder and faster, relishing in the way she moaned in response and tightened her thighs around his waist.

“Hermione,” He groaned into her neck, biting her collarbone in an effort to keep his grunts at bay.

“Yes, Draco...yes.” She mumbled breathlessly as her back arched off the bed and he felt her walls clamp around him, once again, as she came for the second time that night.

“Fuck Granger... Hermione... so fucking good... I'm-.” Draco muttered incoherently as he thrust into her one last time, spilling everything he had into her fluttering insides.

They both let out a breath as Draco collapsed onto Hermione's chest, both slick with perspiration, both flushed and coming down from their high. He saw her wince when he finally disconnected their bodies and he brushed his fingers along her cheekbone.

“Did I hurt you?”

“No. Just not used to orgasming twice in a row.” Hermione replied, blushing, as she let a small satisfied smile cross her face.

Draco also let a rare smile bless his features. “I aim to please, Granger.”

He was surprised when she lightly hit his bare chest. “I meant what I said. No more ‘Granger’.”

Draco smirked. “I thought that was only during sex?”

“I would prefer it if you called me Hermione all the time.” Hermione huffed. “But old habits die hard.”

“Odd sort of phrase, that.” Draco muttered as he picked himself off the bed and retrieved his pyjama bottoms from the floor.

“Going somewhere?” Hermione asked sharply, pulling herself into a sitting position and covering her naked body with her bed covers.

“Back to my bedroom.” Draco said, his brow furrowing, not understanding Hermione's sudden agitation. “Obviously.”

Hurt cascaded over Hermione; Draco's cold and callous response was like an icy bucket of water, cooling her from the comedown of the previous twenty minutes of steam and heat. She had been expecting him to stay, to hold each other in their post-coital bliss, perhaps even go for round two in the early hours of the morning. But reality hit her like a ton of bricks.

This was Draco Malfoy.

Despite the surprise Christmas gift a few days ago, the comforting words that he had spoken to her tonight, and the generous pleasure that he had dealt out, he had succeeded in getting into her knickers and was about to leave her to sleep in his own bed. Hermione shouldn't have been disappointed in his abrupt departure, she was clever enough to know that he wouldn't change, not even for someone he claimed to love.

With a kiss to her forehead and a "Night, Granger" he was gone.


	20. heathens

_ Heathens - Twenty One Pilots _

**January 13th 1999**

Draco was staring.

He knew that he had been looking for far too long, it was obvious, but he couldn't tear his eyes away. The bare skin of Hermione's empty left thumb was screaming at him. He'd asked her to never take it off, it was important, and she had promised.

The ring wasn't there.

Draco almost couldn't blame her; he'd been an arse and he was aware what he was doing as the words had left his mouth.

_“Back to my bedroom.”_

If he had known that she would have been this hurt and broken her promise at that, he would've grit his teeth and cuddled with her like she so obviously wanted, if only for her to continue to wear his family ring.

_“Obviously.”_

It never crossed his mind to stay with her after, he had never laid in bed and cuddled with a girl after sex, the intimacy of it scared him - though he would never admit it, but then she had questioned where he was going and he knew that it was what she expected of him.

The past few days, though Draco had been walking on eggshells around Hermione for fear of her cursing him into oblivion for the way he treated her, had been relatively normal. They stuck to their group of four for mealtimes, for classes, and for the spare hours in between, but they hadn't spoken two words to each other alone.

He was aware that he had hurt her, he was aware that he had sunk lower than any other man had when it came to Hermione Granger, but it was necessary.

Now they were at dinner, trying to hold a conversation between the four of them to assuage the tension that was slowly building, and Draco couldn't stop staring at Hermione's left thumb.

Ginny discretely squeezed Blaise's thigh under the table and, when he looked at her with a raised eyebrow, she shot him a pointed look towards Draco. With the smallest roll of his eyes Blaise cleared his throat and stood up from the table.

“If you ladies will excuse me, I have a Potions essay to finish. Draco, mate, I need your help with it.”

Draco shot a glare at Blaise, he was smart enough to do his Potions homework alone, and everyone knew it. However, he knew that Blaise's obvious attempt to get him alone was needed so he stood up and left the table without argument.

“What is going on between you two?” Ginny asked Hermione as soon as they were alone.

“Malfoy is an arse.” Hermione grumbled.

“I thought things were... going well between you two?” Ginny asked hesitantly.

“So did I.” Hermione laughed humourlessly.

“What did he do?”

“Me.” Hermione deadpanned.

Ginny almost choked on her trifle.

“What?!”

“Yes. Malfoy finally got into my knickers and then left straight after. Hasn't spoken a word to me since.” Hermione hissed. “Can't say I'm not surprised, I should've known that he only said those things to butter me up so that he could have his way.”

“That complete and utter fuckwit!” Ginny hissed in outrage, her hand tightening around her wand and a Bat Bogey hex on the tip of her tongue.

“Again, yes.”!Hermione said through gritted teeth. “I'm over it. I'm going to pretend like the last few months never happened and go back to hating him like I should have done from the get go. I fell for his charm and his effort to be a better person and I won't let myself make the same mistake again.”

“Mione,” Ginny said, softer than her tone was a moment ago, as she reached out and took hold of Hermione's hand across the table. “If you want me to castrate him the Muggle way, I will.”

Hermione laughed at her words, cracking a smile for the first time in days, and gave Ginny's hand a squeeze.

“That's alright Gin. Like I said, I'm over it.” Hermione assured the red head.

Liar.

Hermione Granger was a bit fat liar.

Her heart was ready to rage a war against Draco Malfoy. But to make him pay for the way he made her feel - used, like a toy for him to play with and then ignore when he was done - was to admit defeat. Draco Malfoy had defeated her heart, chewing it up and spitting it back out, in the worst way possible.

How right Shakespeare was, Hermione thought bitterly, when he said that "love is blind". Draco had effortlessly made Hermione believe that they could come to love one another in time despite their past and it had blinded her. She had disregarded all of her preconceived notions of the person that she thought Draco Malfoy was and paid the price. But she would learn from her mistakes and made a silent vow to never make them again.

Hermione was already breaking that vow in the smallest, and perhaps most harmful, of ways; she was constantly breaking it over and over as she felt the thin metal chain hanging around her neck and the surprising heaviness of the ring as it sat between her breasts.

When she had woken up the morning after and felt the ring twist around loosely on her left thumb she had wanted to go straight down to the Black Lake and let it get lost in the murky depths. The longer she thought about it, though, the more she felt the need to keep the promise she had made to Draco on the train. She had promised to never take it off and the part of her heart that hadn't torn itself apart was screaming for her to keep the promise. So she did. She found an old necklace chain, slipped the ring onto it, and fastened it round her neck and hid it beneath her clothing.

Though Hermione was prepared to keep her promise she didn't want Draco to know. It was almost like she wanted him to feel just a fraction of the hurt that she felt when he saw that the ring was no longer on her thumb and assumed that she had discarded his gift like he had discarded her.

“What is going on with you two?” Blaise asked Draco as they made their way up the stairs to the dormitory.

“I did it.” Draco replied through gritted teeth.

“It's done?” Blaise asked, slightly surprised that Draco had completed the task so swiftly.

“Yes.”

“Why the hostility between you?”

“I couldn't exactly stay and cuddle, could I?”

“Why not?”

Draco stopped climbing the stairs. “Are you joking, Blaise?”

“No.” Blaise replied with a half bored expression. “You should have stayed and cuddled. That's what women want after a thorough shagging. That's what I plan on doing.”

Draco scoffed and shook his head slightly. “I thought we agreed it would be better to not get attached?”

“I never agreed to that, I just agreed to the plan. I've stuck to it so far and I plan to carry out the rest of it without hurting Weasley too much in the process.”

“And staying to cuddle is going to help you?”

“If I want her to forgive me one day, yes.”

Draco scoffed again. He was realistic enough to believe that there was no chance of forgiveness by the end of this. But he also knew that Blaise had a flair for the romantic and the boy probably even enjoyed the cuddling portion of sex.

“Don't you want Granger to forgive you?”

“I don't need her forgiveness, I just need-.”

They cut the conversation short when they heard footsteps at the bottom of the stairs and they quickly climbed the rest of the way to the dormitory, never discussing this subject again.


	21. do i wanna know?

_Do I Wanna Know? - Arctic Monkeys_

**February 20th 1999**

Hermione grit her teeth the whole walk to Hogsmeade, biting her tongue so that she didn't argue with Ginny further. It had been a long morning of Ginny trying to convince her to drop the anger and resentment towards Draco so that they could go to Hogsmeade as a four.

“I don't know why you're so set on us going as a group.” Hermione hissed as Ginny hooked her by the elbow and dragged her through the Entrance Hall. As soon as she saw a certain blonde Slytherin stood next to the front door, straight backed by Blaise's side as they waited for the two girls, she considered bolting in the other direction.

“I thought it would be nice.” Ginny replied, firm in her decision to try and get the group of four on civil terms once again. Though she had left the issues mostly between Hermione and Draco - she was obviously on Hermione's side and had even had a row with Blaise about what had transpired - she was now determined to get them to at least speak to at least try and have a civil conversation.

They were mostly quiet throughout the walk; Ginny and Blaise led the way, arms pressed against one another as they clearly conspired to get their friends alone in an attempt to get them to talk about their issues, while Hermione and Draco followed. There was about a foot gap between them, Hermione trailing slightly behind, and neither said a word.

When the first shop on the Hogsmeade strip came into view, Ginny held back so that she could speak to Hermione.

“Are you alright to meet me in Honeydukes?” Ginny asked with a small smile. “I need some new gloves for Quidditch.”

“I'll go with you.” Hermione said, slightly confused at Ginny's request for them to separate.

“Blaise is coming with me. I know you don't have any need to go to Spintwitches and we'll only be five minutes.”

“Alright.” Hermione agreed hesitantly.

“See you soon.” Ginny said as she caught up with Blaise and Draco.

Hermione shrugged it off, considered going to Tomes and Scrolls but brushed that thought aside when she knew she'd spend more than five minutes there, and entered Honeydukes.

She perused the shelves, passing quickly over the Chocolate Frogs and Bertie Botts as they reminded her of Harry and Ron, and picked up a few Sugar Quills.

Hermione was about to pay and leave, cursing Ginny for making her wait ten minutes already, when she tripped over someone bending down to pick up a bag of sweets from the bottom shelf. She landed sharply on her elbow and let out a loud curse, drawing the attention of most of the customers, and turned to shout at the person who had been hiding on the floor.

“Malfoy, what the bloody hell are you doing on the floor!?” Hermione cried as she quickly stood and cradled her sore elbow.

“Granger.” Draco replied stiffly as he stood up, rubbing his ribs and wincing slightly. 'I was just trying to get some Peppermint Toads.'

“Well... well- you,” Hermione stuttered as she tried to think of a way to berate him for tripping her over, when in reality it would probably just be a good excuse to shout and scream at him in general, but she was coming up short.

He had simply been in the wrong place and she at the wrong time.

“Go on, spit it out Granger.” Draco drawled. “I know you're about to lecture me about how I was in your way.”

Hermione sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. “No.”

“No?”

“No. I'm not going to ‘lecture’ you, Malfoy.” Hermione said, using air quotes to mock his snide choice of words. “I can barely stand to look at you anymore, I don't have it in me to shout at you for tripping me up.”

Hermione turned on her heel and went straight to the counter to pay for her Sugar Quills without another word. She handed her knuts over and pocketed the sweets, almost making it out of the door, when a hand gripped her sore elbow.

“Ow!” Hermione hissed, whipping her head round to see Draco's hand holding a firm grip over her coat.

“Why did you take the ring off?” Draco asked as he ushered them out the door so that they weren't blocking the way.

“What?” Hermione asked, distracted by the sudden change of topic.

“The ring that I gave you. Why did you take it off?” Draco pressed, still gripping Hermione's elbow.

“If you wanted it back you could just ask like a normal person.” Hermione hissed as she tried to shake Draco's grip from her arm; he dug his fingers in deeper.

“No.” Draco almost shouted. “You promised you'd never take it off.”

Hermione's brow creased. “Why does it matter?”

“Just put it back on, Granger.” Draco spat, his grip on Hermione's elbow tightening to the point where tears sprung in her eyes.

“You're hurting me.” Hermione said, her voice dropping to a pained whisper.

Draco looked down at the hold he had on her injured elbow and immediately let go, stepping back a few paces to cool off. Hermione took a steadying breath as the ghost of his grip left her throbbing elbow.

“What is wrong with you?” She asked quietly.

Draco glared at her in reply.

“What is so important about this damn ring that I don't take it off?” Hermione demanded. “Why do you even think I'll listen to a word you have to say to me?”

“Stop being a stubborn little bitch, Granger.” Draco hissed as he ran a shaky hand through his hair. “Wear the ring.”

“I'm being a bitch?” Hermione asked, shocked at his callousness. “I can't believe you. You have the audacity to make me believe that you actually have a heart underneath that stone cold exterior of yours. You used me and then threw me away like I was nothing and now you have the nerve to make demands of me after weeks of us not speaking?”

Draco still wore his hardened expression but his shoulders lost their tension as Hermione spoke.

“Granger-.”He started, wanting to calm her down, wanting her to at least tell him that she would put the ring back on.

“No!” She cried. “How dare you! I trusted you, I believed you when you said you'd changed and you threw it all away, for what?”

Hermione barely knew what she was saying but she knew she was becoming hysterical, desperate to cry, to shout, to scream at Draco until the ache in her heart lessened even just a little.

“You wouldn't understand.” Draco muttered quickly.

“Try me.” Hermione challenged, crossing her arms with a huff.

“I'm not discussing this, Granger. Just put the damn ring back on.”

Before Hermione could reply Draco had turned away from her and was now storming back up towards the castle. She rushed after him but he was fast, his long legs striding forwards at a dizzying pace, and before she knew it they were at the main doors to the castle and she had barely caught up to him.

“We've not finished the conversation, Malfoy!” Hermione shouted as she ran up the steps to their dormitory, following Draco as he stormed through the portrait and shrugged his coat off. “You've riled me up, you've got me angry, let's finish this!”

'I'm not here to bloody argue with you, Granger!” Draco shouted as he threw his scarf onto a sofa, whirling around to face her, the anger in his voice apparent. Hermione came to a quick stop when she saw the look in his eyes; it was feral.

“It sounds to me like we've been arguing, Malfoy.” Hermione shouted back, lifting her chin, pretending like the look in his eyes didn't scare the life out of her.

This was the first time she had seen him truly angry, the first time she actually might be afraid of him.

“Look.” Draco spat, rubbing his hands through his hair again. “You made a promise.”

“Seems like we both said things we didn't mean!” Hermione scoffed as she absentmindedly touched the ring through her jumper. It had become a nervous habit to twirl it around, something that kept her fingers busy, and Draco caught the gesture.

Carefully, so as not to anger Hermione more than he already had, Draco stepped forwards and reached out a hand to Hermione's throat. Her breath caught but she was frozen, too overcome by all of her emotions to step back, as his cool fingers brushed her skin and touched the necklace chain.

Before she could blink he had his lips on her. Crushing, bruising kisses pressed against her lips and she wasn't pushing him away. She was pulling him closer, pressing every inch of her body into him like she couldn't get enough. He guided her lips open so that his tongue could continue the assault, invading her mouth with intoxicating intensity, and she drank in every second of it.

At some point her coat, scarf, and hat had been taken off by Draco and they now lay in a puddle by her feet but she didn't take notice.

Hermione wanted him again. Just one more time, she told herself as his fingers made quick work of dipping beneath her skirt. Just one more, she promised herself as she unbuckled his belt. It will be quick, she said to herself as she felt his hand slip into her underwear. Feels too good to stop, she told herself as his middle finger entered her.

“Turn around.” Draco whispered, detaching himself from their burning kisses.

Hermione obeyed without a word, not a care in the world that this should have felt so wrong, all she could think of was the feeling in that moment. Though she took a moment to place her hands on the back of the sofa to steady herself.

Draco's hands slipped down Hermione's hips, into her tights, and he prepared to slide them down. “Do you want this?”

Hermione nodded, not trusting herself to let out a begging moan, but she felt Draco nip at her neck.

“I need you to tell me. Verbally.” Draco said through gritted teeth.

“Yes.” Hermione muttered. “I want this.”

“Good.” Draco growled, scraping his teeth over Hermione's jaw as he peeled her tights down to her knees before he dropped to the floor. She had no time to prepare herself for the feel of his tongue, wet on wet, or the firm hand on her back as he guided her to lean over the back of the sofa. That was when she allowed herself to let out her first moan, a slip in her effort not to get too lost in this moment, and Draco increased the ferocity of his lip and tongue movements.

And then he was gone. As Hermione's cheeks flushed with embarrassment at the thought of him changing his mind about what they were clearly getting ready to do, Draco sank into her with a little less gentleness than the first time.

Hermione tipped her head back as Draco pulled her up by the arms, pressing her back to his chest, as he thrust into her. She could feel his teeth, lips, and tongue against whatever bare skin he could find which, given the fact she was still in her jumper, consisted mostly of her neck and jaw and she was certain he was leaving marks. The thought only brought her closer to the edge.

It was quick, it was dirty, and Hermione was certain that it was just as good as the first time - if not better.

Flustered, flushed red with their actions over the last ten minutes, they were both quick to redress in silence. Not that it took long; Hermione only had to pull her tights back up and flatten her hair while Draco pulled his trousers back up.

When decent, they turned to look at one another, Hermione's expression slightly embarrassed while Draco's remained utterly blank. He reached his hand out again to touch Hermione's neck, his finger running along the exposed part of the necklace chain until it was hooked beneath it. He gave it a gentle tug; Hermione remained silent as the cool metal brushed against the bare skin of her chest.

“You're not much of a liar, Granger.” Draco muttered as he let the exposed ring rest against the outside of her jumper.

“You haven't answered any of my questions.” Hermione replied as she half heartedly slapped Draco's hand away from her chest.

“I'd probably lie to you.” He replied, his tone cold, his face set in a frown. “I'm a git, remember?”

“Couldn't have said it better myself.” Hermione said in a whisper as she picked up her coat from the floor, turned back towards the door, and went back out to find Ginny.


	22. un-break my heart

_ Un-Break My Heart - Toni Braxton _

**May 1st 1999**

The last few months had been long and painful.

The Headmistress had decided that, in order for the students to enjoy the Commemoration Ball as much as they possibly could, they would have to sit their exams earlier than usual. Hermione silently thanked McGonagall for the excuse of her studies and having to cram all of her revision into one less month; it gave her an excuse to ignore Draco as much as humanly possible.

Aside from the disastrous day of the Hogsmeade trip they hadn't spoken to each other much since January, only exchanging words when the conversation required it, and on the rare occasion they would swap revision notes if they were desperate enough.

Like ships passing in the night.

Hermione tried not to resent Ginny as she watched her and Blaise become closer. They never let on that there was anything going on between them other than friendship but Hermione could see it clear as day and she almost hated her best friend for the fact that she had fallen in love with a Slytherin and not been burned.

Okay, she resented her a little. But Hermione knew it wasn't Ginny's fault that Draco had cut her deep and she was still healing.

As Hermione smoothed the last curl on her head, pinning one side of her hair away from her face, and applied a light layer of make up to her skin she considered how different the last four months would have been had she not let Draco into her bed that night. Would she have simply got into bed with him the night after? Would she have resisted him for a few more weeks? A month? Probably not. Would she have managed to give him nothing? Definitely not.

What happened in February after the Hogsmeade trip proved that Hermione easily lost herself in Draco; in his mind, his body, and his soul, no matter how dark and twisted he showed himself to be.

Red silk caressed Hermione's thighs as she slipped into her dress, a light breeze raising goosebumps on the bare skin of her back, and she worried for a second that it was too revealing. Though all of the important things were covered by the floor length and high halter neck design of the dress, Hermione wandered if her lack of bra would be apparent for the whole night. She wondered if she should take off the necklace as she could just make out the faint outline of the ring as it rest in the valley between her breasts.

She didn't have long to think about it as Ginny burst into the bedroom and started gushing about how amazing the dress was.

“It's not too revealing?” Hermione asked as Ginny looked her over with a small smile.

“It's perfect. The colour looks amazing on you.”

“Thanks, Gin. I'm glad you made me buy it, even if it was a bit last minute.”

Ginny smiled. “I knew you'd be stubborn about going tonight. I was prepared for a last minute dash to Hogsmeade.”

Hermione returned the smile, truly grateful for all of the times Ginny had pulled her out of a depressive slump over the past year, and held out her hand.

“Let's do this.”

Ginny beamed and took it.

The girls seemed to interrupt a tense conversation between Draco and Blaise when they got to the bottom of the stairs; Blaise's jaw was clenched and Hermione could see the rare fiery look in his eyes from across the room. Draco's hands were balled into fists and he was speaking in a low hiss.

“-her life. It's my decision, not-.”

Hermione only caught those few hushed words, enough to make her brow furrow in confusion, and she normally would have said something but she was distracted by the look that Draco gave her when he spotted her at the bottom of the stairs.

She stepped closer to him, her treacherous heart beating wildly against her chest as his scent washed over her, and she met his gaze with a challenging look. She wanted to know what he was thinking, needed to know if it was the truth that was shining in his eyes, as he drank in the way she looked in the red silk dress.

Hermione would never admit it but she chose this dress for him. As soon as she tried it on in the dressing room, feeling sexier than she had ever felt before, she knew this was the perfect dress to drive Draco crazy.

Let him see exactly what he lost, Hermione had thought when she handed over her money and paid for the dress.

Now she wondered if it was a mistake choosing this dress. The only thing that she had achieved with Draco's dark gaze - he was clearly enjoying her choice - was a rapid heartbeat and a heat that ran through her body and rushed straight south.

Draco looked like he wanted to devour her and Hermione was pretty sure she'd let him.

“We'll meet you two downstairs.” Blaise said begrudgingly to Hermione and Draco, to which neither of them responded or broke eye contact, and Blaise gently pulled Ginny out of the dormitory.

“I have to say Granger,” Draco finally said when they were alone, his voice deep with desire, “you sure know how to wear a dress.”

Hermione's cheeks flushed as she tried to give him a coy smile.

“You clean up nice, too.” She replied simply, moving away from the crackling sexual tension building between them, but Draco's hand grabbed her wrist before she could take two steps.

“I think I prefer the red to the periwinkle.” Draco muttered in her ear, his warm breath tickling her skin and sending shivers down her spine and straight into her knickers.

They were alone in the common room and all Hermione wanted to do was forget everything that Draco had done and let him have her one more time. Just a look from him, one hand on her wrist, and she was melting.

She was in dangerous territory.

“Is that so?” Hermione whispered back, turning her cheek so that his lips ghosted against her skin.

“You have no idea what this dress is doing to me.” Draco hissed through gritted teeth.

Hermione smirked. “Seems like I picked well then.”

A hand slipped around her waist, drawing her around to press against Draco's chest, clutching at the red silk. Draco's other hand cupped the back of Hermione's neck, fingers lacing in the soft curls that hung down the exposed skin of her back.

“You picked it for me?” Draco breathed. He was searching her eyes, his hard mask crumbling slightly as he saw the desire flushing her skin, glazing her eyes, quickening the beating of her heart.

“I picked it because it looked good.” She replied with a casual shrug.

“You're playing with fire, Granger.” Draco growled as he pulled her closer, his lips pressing to the pulse point at her neck. She could feel the hardening outline in his trousers pressing against her thigh and she let out a silent moan.

Hermione knew he was right, she was goading him, trying to get a reaction out of him, but it was only turning her on as much as it was Draco.

“The things I want to do to you in this dress.” Draco mused as he pressed another kiss to Hermione's skin, just below her earlobe.

“Why don't you?” Hermione whispered as she finally put her hands on Draco. Feather light hands ran up the indulgent silk-like cotton of his shirt until bold fingers gripped white blonde hair. His eyes were closed, relishing in her touch, trying to keep hold of the last shred of his self control.

“Why now?” Draco hissed as he nipped at her throat. “After ignoring me for the past few months, why would you let me do this now?”

“It's not like I'm planning to see you again when we leave here in two days.” Hermione admitted in a flat voice, pulling away from his biting kisses to look him in the eye. “I wondered if you'd... indulge me one last time.”

“You think I'd treat you that way?” Draco said, his tone bitter and somewhat hurt.

Hermione raised a mocking eyebrow. “Isn't that how you treated me before? Disposable?”

Draco's jaw twitched in agitation. She was right. He longed to say anything other than the next thing that left his lips. “I don't want to ruin tonight. It was a mistake the last time.”

Hermione narrowed her eyes at his reply, overthinking and overanalysing his words for a minute as her cheeks flushed with embarrassment, before she tore out of his grasp and hurried out of the door to catch up with Ginny. She willed herself not to cry as she rushed down the steps as fast as her heels would carry her. She didn't need to shed any more tears because of Draco Malfoy.


	23. foolish games

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: If you only listen to one song while reading the corresponding chapter throughout this whole fanfic make it this one!! Just stick it on repeat - for full effect listen with headphones - and let me know if you want feel like crying at the end (I cry every time I read and listen to this chapter).

_ Foolish Games - Jewel _

**2nd May 1999**

One year.

It had been one year since the Battle of Hogwarts.

It had been one year since Hermione had last seen her two best friends.

One year gone.

The ball had been somewhat enjoyable, Hermione couldn't deny it, but her heart hadn't been able to fully let go and enjoy the festivities. It wasn't because of the lingering tension between her and Draco, both the sexual kind and the post-disagreement kind, and it wasn't because Blaise was eyeing Draco with an air of dissatisfaction - the kind of look a disappointed father would give his son. It was simply the surrounding reminders of what they had lost to the war that suffocated her.

It was midnight, officially the one year anniversary, and Hermione needed to make her escape.

Everything she had done, the dancing, the laughing, the ball itself, reminded her of their Fourth Year Yule Ball (besides the Firewhiskey that Blaise managed to sneak in and dish out to their group of four). Even the way she slipped out of the double doors and took a quiet seat to gather her thoughts reminded her of when she had argued with Harry and Ron at the end of the night and sat, sobbing, on the stairs outside the Great Hall.

Like that night she slipped her shoes off, placing them on the step beside her aching feet, and let a tear fall down her cheek.

“A ball seems a bit trivial, given the circumstances, doesn't it?”

Hermione didn't look up, knowing exactly who it was that had broken her contemplative silence, and continued to stare at her hands.

“I know I'm probably the last person that you want to talk to right now but I wanted to make sure you were alright.” Draco said as he took a seat on the step beside Hermione.

She closed her eyes and took a breath, inhaling the sweet scent of peppermint.

“I don't want to fight anymore.” Hermione whispered.

“Like I said, I'm not here to.” Draco replied in a soft voice. It was a stark contrast to the tone he had taken with her in recent months.

“I'm fine.” Hermione sighed. “I just needed some time alone to think.”

“I can't believe it's been a year.” Draco muttered.

“Neither can I.” Hermione said, surprising herself by replying. She had told the truth, she didn't want to fight with Draco tonight, but she hadn't really wanted to engage in a conversation with him either.

“Last time I saw you on these stairs, crying but still managing to be the most beautiful girl, I wish I had had the nerve to ask you to dance.” Draco said quietly.

Hermione looked over at him but he was staring straight ahead with his elbows on his knees and his hands clasped together.

“What are you talking about?” She whispered.

“The Yule Ball.” Draco replied, laughing slightly. “I never told you but Pansy gave me an earful when she saw the way I was looking at you the whole night.”

Hermione shook her head slightly, disbelieving of his admission.

“Do you want to dance?” Draco asked as he pushed himself up to stand.

“I'm not going back in there.” Hermione said with another sigh.

“We can hear the music well enough, let's dance out here.”

Draco held out his hand for her to take, raising an eyebrow as his lip lifted into a smirk.

“You're an arse.” Hermione said sincerely.

“I know but if I let another opportunity to dance with you go, I'll be a huge arse.”

Rolling her eyes Hermione took his hand and let him lift her off the stairs. Still barefoot she slipped a hand onto his shoulder as his free hand circled her waist and he pressed their bodies together. Damn Firewhiskey making her brain fuzzy and her self control slip.

Draco led them in a simple circle, years of what Hermione assumed as compulsory dance lessons in order to meet Pureblood standards showing in his posture, and they slowly swayed to the music.

His touch felt different this time. Earlier, back in their common room, Hermione could feel the lust permeating from his fingertips as he clutched at her red silk dress. It had ignited something in her too. Had they said one thing differently to one another they may have had another quick shag against the sofa.

Now, with his hand warming her lower back through the silk and his fingertips tracing up and down her spine where the skin was bare, it was different. She was feeling the touch of the Draco that had told her he loved her. As opposed to the Draco that had seemingly used her for her body.

Now, it was as though she could feel regret in just his touch. Like he wished he’d have held her like this all along.

“Do you think you could ever forgive me?” Draco asked quietly.

“I don't know.” Hermione answered honestly. “You hurt me more than I ever thought you could.”

“If I gave you a reason, explained everything I did, would it help?” Draco asked. Hermione pulled back from his hold so that she could look him in the eyes.

“I don't know what kind of reason you'd need to do what you did.” She whispered in reply as her eyes prickled with tears.

“Hypothetically,” Draco pressed, pulling her back into his chest so that they could continue to dance. “If I gave you a reason and you thought it somewhat warranted my behaviour, would you forgive me?”

“Maybe,” Hermione replied slowly. “Are you about to explain everything you did? Enlighten me on why you claimed to love me before the Christmas holidays and then treat me like another notch on your headboard as soon as we get back to school.”

“Not tonight.” Draco replied, his expression hardening at Hermione's words.

“I'm sick of the lies.” Hermione said as her head rest against Draco's chest, still locked in their slow dance, unable to break the moment despite convincing herself that she hated Draco. “I'm sick of the games. I'm tired of not knowing who you really are or what you really want.”

“I know.” Draco muttered, so quietly that Hermione wasn't sure he had actually said it.

“I didn't think it possible but you broke my heart.” She whispered. 

Admitting this was hard; it was her way of letting him know, in a surreptitious sort of way, that she didn't regret having a physical relationship with him even now. If she didn’t regret it he wouldn’t have broken her heart. It was an embarrassing admission given the proposition, which he easily rejected, that she had surprised him with earlier that evening. She had been fully invested in him and the feelings that he claimed to have were wholly reciprocated.

Given the way that they were slowly swaying to the music Hermione couldn't see the hurt in Draco's eyes, couldn't see the way his own heart was slowly breaking and how that was reflected in his eyes, and she couldn't see the way he was so sorry for what he did but even more sorry for what he was about to do.

He quickly wiped the emotions from his face and replaced it with a small smirk. “I want to show you something.”

Hermione's eyebrows creased as she pulled away and looked up at him once more.

“What do you want to show me?” She asked, slightly ticked off that he brushed off her words and emotions so easily.

“Will you come with me for a few minutes?” He asked as he let go of her waist and gently tugged on her hand.

Hermione looked towards the Great Hall, spotting a flash of red hair through the open doors, and wondered if she should go with Draco or insist that they go back to Ginny and Blaise.

“Come on, Granger, it will only take a couple of minutes.” Draco said, lightly pulling on her hand again.

“Okay, let me put my shoes back on.” Hermione sighed.

“No need, we aren't going far.” Draco smirked as he tugged on her hand again and she finally followed.

Draco led them out through the Entrance Hall and into the courtyard where he had bewitched the air to look like thousands of fireflies were floating around them.

“It's beautiful.” Hermione whispered as she stepped further into the open space and glanced around. “Did you do this?”

“Yes.” Draco nodded as he watched Hermione turn her back on him and take a few more steps forward, opening the gap between them.

“For me?” She asked him, throwing a glance over her shoulder.

“All for you.” He nodded again in response and she turned back around, away from him, and he slowly pulled his wand from his pocket.

Draco had done a lot of things, good and bad, before in his life. He had brought the Death Eaters into what should have been the safe confines of the Hogwarts walls. He had watched as Voldemort took over his family home and killed people in front of his own eyes, staining the floors and stealing away what left of his childhood. He had watched his own blood relative torture Hermione on his floor, carving a word that he had used against her for years into her skin, and stood by and watched.

Draco knew that he could spend hours detailing all of the ways he had betrayed Hermione Granger before but this was going to be the worst; he was about to take the last bit of trust that she had given him in letting him bring her out here alone, and erase it forever.

Draco Malfoy was about to rid Hermione Granger of the world.

He raised his wand, pointing it directly between her shoulder blades, and did what he had failed to do two years ago. He followed orders.


	24. if i could turn back the hands of time

_If I Could Turn Back The Hands Of Time - R.Kelly_

**November 1st 1999**

_“Draco.” Hermione whimpered. There were tears in her eyes, running down her cheeks, splashing onto the red silk dress that, only hours earlier, had taken Draco's breath away._

_“Don't talk.” Draco snapped._

_“Please, Draco. You don't have to do this.” Hermione pleaded._

_She was on her knees, bound by magical ropes, and Draco's face contorted in pain at the sight._

_“You don't understand.” He shouted through gritted teeth, pointing his wand at her. “I have to do this.”_

_“You don't have to do it.” Hermione urged. “Let me go, Draco, please.”_

_“I have to kill you,” Draco muttered as tears leaked from the corner of his eyes. “Or he's going to kill me.”_

_“I thought you were different.” Hermione whispered, her shoulders slumping in defeat._

_Draco let a half sob-half choke escape his throat, dropping his wand slightly, before taking a deep breath and lifting his wand back up to point directly at Hermione's heart._

_“I'm doing this for you.” Draco promised. He wished he could kiss her one last time._

_“Draco-.” Hermione began but he cut her off in a flash of blinding green light._

_As her now lifeless body slumped to the floor, eyes empty as they stared up at the ceiling, Draco fell to his knees and sobbed into her trademark curls._

Draco woke gasping for air. Which was soon followed with a frustrated sigh.

The last six months had consisted of the same nightmare and he was honestly sick of it. It haunted him, but he only had himself to blame, what else did he expect?

Blaise had been right of course, Draco would come to regret his decision eventually, but he was determined never to let his dark haired Slytherin friend find out. Ever. The boy didn't need any more boosting to his ego. Especially if it was from Draco admitting that the boy had been right.

After checking the time, 5:43am, and deciding that he wouldn't be able to get back to sleep, Draco made his way into his en-suite bathroom to make the most of a full hot water tank before the others could drain it like they usually did.

As the hot water seared his skin, washing away the sweat that glistened on his body as a reminder of the recurring nightmare, Draco considered how much had changed and how much he had changed with it.

Less than two years ago, had you asked Draco who he would be living with in the future, he probably would have said anyone but Blaise Zabini and Ginny Weasley. Blaise wasn't too far fetched in the grand scheme of things, he was the closest thing to a best friend that Draco had, but Ginny was almost laughable in how odd of a choice she was as one of his housemates. 

Six months ago Draco had asked Blaise if he wanted to share a house in Muggle London as the Hogwarts Express made its way to Kings Cross after their graduation and he'd accepted straight away. Of course, a few days later, it was with Blaise's firm insistence that Ginny lived with them too that Draco found he had acquired two housemates for the price of one.

Ginny had been almost inconsolable that Hermione was gone.

In the beginning Draco had been rather averted to the idea of living with Ginny post-Hogwarts but he had to admit that it was rather comforting. In the first few weeks following their departure from Hogwarts, and the normality of their isolated dormitory as a group of four, having Ginny and Blaise around reminded Draco that he hadn't lost everything.

It was on odd feeling for Draco, needing people, but his two unlikely housemates kept him grounded and his mind in order. Which was much needed at a time like this.

After a twenty minute shower, his skin pink and scorching from the hot water, Draco dried himself and dressed for the day. Long gone were the usual suits, robes, and dress shoes of his past. 

Now he usually settled for Muggle clothing in an attempt to blend in with his surroundings. He'd refused when Ginny first came home with a pair of jeans, turning his nose up at them, and didn't speak to her for a week at the insulting suggestion that a Malfoy should wear a pair of black Muggle jeans. But curiosity had gotten the better of him and after trying them on he found that they were actually rather comfortable and looked decent enough. When Ginny then came home a few days after his acceptance of the jeans with a pair of black converse he tried to hex her (ending in bat shaped bogeys coming out of his own nose and attacking him for ten minutes) and from that moment on he let Ginny Weasley convert his Wizarding wardrobe to a Muggle one.

He had, however, drawn the line at the leather jacket.

Once his shoelaces were tied he pulled on his black pea coat, tucking his green and silver Slytherin scarf into the collar, and left a note on the kitchen island informing Ginny and Blaise that he was heading out for the day. He was almost out of the door without any interaction with another that morning when a ball of orange fur nudged at his ankle.

“What do you want?” Draco hissed, nudging the cat ever so slightly in an attempt to escape. It let out a loud meow and swiped at Draco's leg with a paw. Draco sighed, knowing that he wouldn't leave unscathed if he simply ignored the ugly fur ball, and went back into the kitchen.

He quickly plucked a treat from one of the kitchen cupboards and knelt down with his hand outstretched.

“You're a bloody nightmare.” Draco whispered as the cat gave his fingers a thankful lick and ate the treat from his palm. “Weasley should have left you at the Rabbit Hole.”

“It's called The Burrow.” Ginny's voice came from the kitchen door, an amused look on her face as she watched Draco interact with the cat he claimed to despise. “And if I had left Crookshanks with mum then there would be no one to feed him treats.”

Crookshanks nudged Draco's fingers with his head, obviously scrounging for affection, and after a quick under the chin scratch Draco stood up and faced Ginny with a half glare. “I'm still failing to see why you brought him here with you.”

“He was Hermione's. She left him behind.” Ginny said with more venom than Draco expected this early in the morning. “I wanted him with me rather than with mum.”

“But-.” Draco tried to argue.

“I'm not discussing it any further.” Ginny snapped. Draco knew better than to continue to push when she was in a snappy mood so he bit his tongue. “I came down to ask if you had both portkeys ready?”

He faltered at her question for only a moment. “Yes. Everything should go to plan. I'll be back around 6:30pm.”

“Fine.” Ginny said as she bent down and scooped Crookshanks into her arms.

“Tell Blaise to do one more check of the location before I'm back.” Draco said as he passed the red head and made his way back to the front door, collecting a thick file from the kitchen counter on his way past.

“When are you telling me the location again?” Ginny sighed.

“When Blaise Apparates you a ten minute walk away he'll tell you the finer details.” Draco repeated for what felt like the hundredth time.

Ginny nodded, clearly unimpressed that she knew so little about their grand plan for that evening. But she knew it was necessary so she pursed her lips and left Draco alone once more.

Leaving the house in central Kensington, Draco pulled his layers tighter around his body in an effort to fight the unnatural chill clinging to the early winter air. He didn't walk far, opting for his usual spot when he wanted to escape the confines of his house, and was entering the familiar tea room in five minutes. He sent the warmest smile he could muster to the girl behind the counter and gave her a nod. He was what you would class as a regular and it had become customary for him to simply nod at the girl, Jenny, and she would bring him over his usual cappuccino.

Hours passed, multiple coffees were consumed, and Draco found his fingers shaking from the excess of caffeine when the door opened. It was a fairly busy tea room and Draco would never normally glance up when someone entered but this time he did. He quickly looked away when he and the new occupant made brief eye contact; his chest became uncomfortably tight.

With her back to him, as she stood to order at the counter, he looked back up and took in her appearance. Hair loose, hanging down to her waist, and enticingly wavy. He could see that her naturally brunette hair had been blended with blonde highlights, subtle enough to look effortlessly sunkissed in the middle of winter. She was dressed professionally; skirt to the knee, fitted tastefully, hugged her curves. A black blouse with small white spots, cinched in at the wrists and loose around the arms, opaque enough to be modest but Draco was sure he could just make out the straps of an emerald green bra peeking through the material at the back. Simple black heels elongated her toned bare legs. A beige coat with fake fur trimming was slung over her arm, plain black gloves clutched in that hand, a green and silver scarf lay on top of the coat.

It was the scarf that winded him and he was packing his notes away quicker than he was breathing. His heart pounded in his ears and he had the urge to vomit, though both of these things could be accredited to the caffeine he'd consumed.

He was pulling on his coat when she turned around to look for a table. They made brief eye contact again when she saw that Draco was on his way out. She gave him a half smile, asking if she could take his table, and he returned it with a slight nod as he picked up his file. She turned back around to grab her mug and scone and they crossed paths in the small tearoom as Draco went up to the counter to pay.

Draco avoided her eyes but wanted the ground to swallow him up when he saw the necklace chain, that rest on the outside of her clothing, and the ring that hung at the bottom of it. She took no notice and simply took his recently vacated seat at the table and pulled a book from her handbag.

Draco's habit of coming to this same tearoom made it certain that he saw her most days but he had done well over the past six months to avoid her line of sight. She wouldn't recognise him but he knew her like the back of his hand. It interested him, however, that this was the first time her necklace had been on show. Not to mention the sudden appearance of the familiar scarf.

Draco quickly paid and left before he looked at her again.

He had a job to do.


	25. turning tables

_  
Turning Tables - Adele _

**1st November 1999**

It was a cold day.

Not unusually cold for the time of year. But it was a biting cold; the kind that could seep into your bones and make it impossible for you to shake off until you step into a warm shower or wrap yourself in the comforting heat of a hot bath.

She pulled her gloves on tighter, balling her hands into fists in an effort to hold in what little heat she could around her fingers, and wrapped her arms tightly around her waist. She stepped out of the front door of the dentist's office, locked it with her set of keys, and walked towards her car so that she could go home and have that hot bath in an effort to fight off the day's cold.

She didn't notice the man watching her from across the road as she opened the car door. She didn't notice the man walk towards her as she climbed into the driver's seat and turned the car engine on. She didn't notice the man until he was opening the passenger door and shoving himself into the passenger seat.

She let out a yelp as the passenger door opened, scrambling for her door handle with numb fingers, but it was no good.

“There's no use trying to open the door.” The man said in a low, and surprisingly calm, voice.

“Who the hell are you, and what are you doing in my car?” She growled, pressing her body against her door in an effort to put as much space between her and the stranger as she could.

The man laughed. It wasn't a long laugh, more like a jovial grunt, but it was enough to make her blood boil in anger at his callousness.

“Who. Are. You?” She asked again through gritted teeth. She watched as he pulled something from his coat pocket and pointed it at her.

“All in good time.” He whispered, leaning across the seat to get closer to her.

The last thing she registered before the world went dark was the smell of peppermint.

***

The first thing she could hear were voices, swirling around in her mind, as the fog slowly cleared and she came to her senses.

“How could you not think of what the next part of the plan is?” The first voice asked.

Somewhere in her clouded mind she recognised the cold, sharp tone.

“I left that to you. You were the one who came up with this whole thing in the first place.” The second hissed back.

“Alright.” The first voice said. 'I have an idea but they aren't going to react well to it.'

“You're not considering waiting for her to wake up and just explaining everything to her, are you?” The second voice asked with a groan.

She could've sworn that she heard a chuckle from the owner of the first voice.

“It will be fine. They'll understand.” The first voice said. She could tell that the person had gotten closer to her, the smell of peppermint wafting towards her nostrils, as they spoke.

She considered her options; she could try to run away from her captors, she could scream until her lungs were ripped to shreds and pray that someone could hear her, or she could listen to what they had to say. Though she did not know who had taken her, or why, the snippet of conversation that she heard made her think that they had no violent or malicious intent. The thought was insane, she knew that, but there was an air of familiarity that she couldn't quite put her finger on.

The first thing that she saw when she opened her eyes was a face.

A handsome face; chiselled jaw, piercing eyes, and perfect hair.

She knew this face.

It was the face, attached to a body, that had slipped into her car uninvited. She knew she should have just gone home after work. It was barely a minute walk around the corner from the dentists office to her house and she had managed to get kidnapped in that time because she decided to get into her car and do a food shop.

Bloody food shopping got her kidnapped, it was laughable. What should have been a mundane task ended up with her here; looking into the eyes of a man that had invited himself into her car and knocked her out before bringing her to, what she assumed, was his house.

It was mind boggling.

Her mind was too clouded with thoughts of how she had ended up in this situation to remember that she had also in fact had a brief encounter with this man in a tearoom that same day.

She opened her mouth and gasped in a breath in an effort to go for plan B, scream until her lungs were shredded, but the man silenced her with one word.

“Hermione?” He asked. The smell of peppermint invaded her once more and it stopped the scream before she could pull it from her throat.

“How do you know my... real name?” She asked in a whisper, her throat was dry and scratchy.

Ah, yes, the name situation. She sort of knew, deep down, that her name was Hermione Granger but for reasons that she never questioned for too long she went by Harriet Green. Her coworkers called her Harriet (or Harry if they wanted to piss her off with the nickname, which always left an inexplainable sadness looming over her) and the name on her bills was Harriet Green. Her bank account was under the name of Harriet Green.

However, in her dreams she was referred to as Hermione, or Granger by a faceless man that often appeared, and she'd never thought much about it until now. Whenever she thought about it too much a headache would slowly develop behind her eyes and she would push the puzzling nature of her identity to the back of her mind. So when the man before her called her Hermione it was a shock, to say the least, but not because it wasn't her name. It was a shock that, though she had never mentioned to anyone that she believed her name was Hermione Granger despite the paperwork that suggested otherwise, this man of all people had known to call her that.

To her knowledge she had lived her life as Harriet Green but in her dreams she was Hermione Granger and this man had somehow been inside her mind and accessed that secret part of herself.

For a moment she thought she saw sadness cross this man's face, a pained expression drawing his brows together and making his eyes glisten, but it was gone in a blink.

“You should drink some water.” He said, handing her a glass. She didn't take it, though she really could do with something to quench her thirst, and simply stared the man down.

“What do you want with me?” She asked.

Hermione heard him take a deep, steadying breath before closing the distance between them and sitting beside her on the sofa. She pulled away, pressing into the cushions to get as far away from this stranger as she could.

He saw the hesitation, the distrust emanating from her, so he stood back up and sat on the edge of the coffee table in front of her instead.

“It's time.” He said quietly, mostly to himself, but Hermione could see the internal struggle going on inside his mind.

She wanted to shout, scream at the top of her lungs, and demand him to tell her what he wanted, why she was here, but she waited for him to speak.

“You might not understand what I'm saying until I'm done but are you willing to hear me out?” He asked in a strangely calming voice.

Despite herself, Hermione found her head nodding in reply.

“Your life is a lie.” The man said. “This is all a fabrication. Your name is not Harriet Green, it never was, it's always been Hermione Granger.”

Hermione felt her breath catch in her throat.

“You are a witch, part of the Wizarding World. You have been made to believe that you are a Muggle, without the ability to perform magic, in order to keep you safe. But I need you to remember who you really are now.” He continued.

As she listened Hermione's hand absentmindedly reached up to fiddle with her necklace, a nervous habit, and turned the ring attached to the chain around and around. She saw his eyes quickly follow the movement of her hand, the corners of his mouth twitching as if he were holding back a smile.

Words like “witch”, “muggle”, and “magic”, swirled around in Hermione's brain and she almost laughed at the absurdity of it all.

“You're mental.” She whispered, shaking her head so that the words would stop swimming around her brain. Magic didn't exist; it was all made up for stories and literature.

“Let me explain.” The man said with a sigh.

Hermione noticed his almost defeated posture and didn't say another word, wanting to know what he could possibly say to make her believe a word that came from his mouth.

Owing to many different factors Hermione received the abridged version of what was supposed to be her "real" life as a witch.

She listened to every word that escaped this man's mouth, a crease deepening between her eyebrows every time the word "witch", "magic", or "Hogwarts" came up.

When he was done he looked over at her expectantly, waiting for the lightbulb to turn on inside her head, as if one word would awake the part of her mind that had supposedly been erased.

“Say that's all true,” Hermione finally said after minutes of silence. “Why were my memories altered in the first place?”

“That's complicated.” Was the reply she received.

Hermione huffed and threw herself back against the sofa, defeated and drained, as she tried to process everything she had been told.

How was she supposed to comprehend that she could do magic, and was supposedly very good at it, let alone all of the other scary details that she had just heard. If there had been a war, shouldn't she have known about it? If she went to a school for wizards, why did she not have any memories of it?

The further she delved into her own mind, however, the more she couldn't find the details about where she had gone to secondary school.

When she asked herself what she had studied her mind came up blank. She knew she had friends at school but, where faces and names should have appeared in her memory, she drew a blank.

It felt like minutes turned to hours as she wracked her brain for anything that would contradict everything she had just heard and the longer she dwelt on the details the stronger the dull ache in the back of her head became.

At some point she had pulled her knees to her chest, resting her elbows on her knees, and held her throbbing head in her hands.

“Why don't I remember?” She whispered, not even sure if the man was still in the room with her.

The silence suggested she was alone.

Slowly Hermione dropped her hands and looked up, only to be met by the now familiar pair of eyes watching her.

“There's something I need to tell you first.” He said when their eyes met. “You're going to be angry when you get your memories back. You won't want to listen to why your memories had to be modified once you get them back.”

“I'm listening.” Hermione said impatiently.

She listened. For a full five minutes she sat and listened to the explanation of why her memories were changed, why she was stripped of her magic, and why this man was the centre point of the whole ordeal.

Her head was spinning, the dull ache now a full throttle throb, when she was handed what she assumed was just a normal stick. He placed it in her hands with a care that she never would have thought possible when it came to something that one would pick off the ground. Out of instinct the fingers of her right hand closed around it and a subtle gold glow surrounded her as warm tingles shot up her arm.

“Remember.” He whispered.

Hermione blinked.

Once.

Twice.

Her eyes had been trained on the wand in her hands but they shot up, meeting the hesitant gaze, and she knew.


End file.
